Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I recently went through a big life change, and I'm trying hard (and failing) to not fall into this pit of self loathing. I don't really feel like going into much detail, but the short story is I ended a long relationship with a wonderful person and moved far away from my home.
I feel like that person did everything right to make me happy, yet I couldn't just be happy. All I felt was emptiness or sadness, I'd try to fill that void with whatever I could, by shopping, starting projects that often went unfinished, I used marijuana heavily, was always zoned out, just anything to escape or feel a moment of joy. Now I find myself questioning every decision I made, wondering if I acted rationally or if I did it all because of my mental illness.
Its been 3 months and I miss the person that I was with, I miss my family, I miss the comfort of everything I left that was familiar. I feel like he deserved better than me, I'm ashame to say I was starting to resent him and treat him poorly. I told myself I left for both of us, that our relationship was no longer healthy. I wanted him to have a shot at real happiness and I wanted to try to better myself.
Did I make this decision too quickly? Could I have saved my relationship if I just stuck around and tried? Why couldn't I be happy when I had every reason to be? Am I a horrible person for what I did? The list goes on. I've always battled depression, but the last few years I've been in this hole. Now I am riddled with guilt and constantly worried about my ex and how he's coping. I feel sad, angry, or I feel nothing at all. I can't even say for sure that I feel love, at least not like I used to. Even my bodies numb, I can't feel sexual stimulation anymore.
I plan to see a psychiatrist asap, I'm afraid they're going to medicate me until I'm even less empty than I feel now. I feel hopeless, and if it weren't for my pets I'm afraid I might just check out completely...
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Some things we don't talk about, we breathe them... Some things cannot be explained, but rather experienced. Some of the most healing moments arise when given the memory, acknowledging the love.One cannot go back in time; we move forward, and we carry the love we shared. No one but ourselves has the power to do so, or the permission to do so, but ourselves.So live life with your faith and...
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I've been feeling like I don't matter my wife the other day instead of telling me she was having a pain day when I went to have sex with her she tell me afterwards that she having pain day due to her fribromyalgia and making feel like shit afterward saying she has a list of things from past 9 years of thing for me to do and is always adding more and more to this list and talk...
You didn't ask for mental health problems, and your behavior was/is a symptom of mental health. By going to a doctor to get help is Good. I'm offering another thought, to have your thyroid checked, your vit. D level checked and a physical to rule out anything physical that might be contributing to your depression. Nothing is written in stone. There is skype you can use to 'see' who you are talking to...sometimes e-mails can be misunderstood because not being able to see/hear the person.
If there is a way for you to see a therapist, this might help with the distorted depressive thinking....there is a reason you moved. I'm thinking there is something you feel you want to find....to do this, time and space to explore on your own without worrying those who you care for while you search. Best to you and I hope you'll see that doctor soon.
Are you bipolar sweetie? or do you know at this point?.....We do have a good depression board on here as well
I think you are spot on getting a referral to a psychiatrist?.... I have if you left this person because you were in this state of mind or whether the relationship wasn't going anywhere..... I think this would probably be better assessed when you are well and stable
I know a lot of people feel guilty when they leave someone who cares about them however I have always thought that this gives there ex the chance to find someone who'll truly love them.... I think it's a kind thing to do and an honest thing to do
DS is a great site.... I'm glad that you're here......xo
This is the Depression board if you wanted to take a peek
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/depression
My sister was diagnosed as bipolar with psychosis and has been in a mental institution, so I'm familiar with it and all of my symptoms seem to point in that direction, minus the psychosis. I am also sure that my father has a personality disorder, he was not great to me as a child, and had problems holding a relationship. He was married 13 times or more. He made it a career to marry women it seems, and I've heard terrible stories of how he treated them.
My mother seemed to never have the patience for me. I was labeled a problem child ever since I can remember. I'm the youngest of 3 and have always felt like I was the least favorite child.
My whole life I've kind of been a loner, I never had many friends and was made fun of a lot as a child. It stuck with me. I now only talk to people I play video games with, people I never meet. I desperately want to be outgoing and have friends, but it's very hard for me. I feel so awkward, I have little in common with "normal" people, so they tend to migrate away from me when I do try to engage with new people, so I just don't even want to try anymore. Sorry I'm writing a novel...just thanks for the support, it helped.
But really until you see a professional you are just guessing - and so are we.
good luck