Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
It kinda hits me hard on nights like this. Even though I have nothing to fear I am still afraid and no one is awake at this time of morning to talk to. I have been taking my meds and they work great ... until they don't ... then I have a bipolar episode and my bf is left trying to put me back together, bless his heart. The sad part is that I know what is triggering most of my attacks and I can't stay away from it. It haunts me day and night whether it be phone calls from someone looking for my ex husband who beat me, my rapist texting or calling me, or just either one of our families telling us that we are doing wrong (either as individuals or as a couple). When it comes to either of our families I get supper panicky or supper mad and then I go into my episode.
My bf tries, he really does, but he doesn't understand and I don't know how to communicate it to him. And God forbid he tell me to call down and relax because that only makes things worse. Its not because he said to do it, it is because when he tells me that I try, and when it doesn't work I get even more panicky. We have known each other going on 9 years (been dating now for 10 months) and he has always been there for me. Even though I know he is here (physically and emotionally) it is still hard. He will be moving into his own place in a few days that is about 3 hours from me and I feel like I did when he left for deployment ... alone and heartbroken.
The nightmares have come back the past couple of weeks and there have been a few times when he would come to wake me up and I would be crying in my sleep. I couldn't tell him any details ... just the broad strokes, because I don't want him to worry about something he can't fix. Even now as I type this he is asleep on my couch and my son is asleep in his crib and I just can't force myself to go back to sleep just in case they start again.
I am sorry this is so long but I just felt like I needed to get this off my chest so maybe I can look my bf in the eyes tomorrow and not start crying. Thanks for listening.
My bf tries, he really does, but he doesn't understand and I don't know how to communicate it to him. And God forbid he tell me to call down and relax because that only makes things worse. Its not because he said to do it, it is because when he tells me that I try, and when it doesn't work I get even more panicky. We have known each other going on 9 years (been dating now for 10 months) and he has always been there for me. Even though I know he is here (physically and emotionally) it is still hard. He will be moving into his own place in a few days that is about 3 hours from me and I feel like I did when he left for deployment ... alone and heartbroken.
The nightmares have come back the past couple of weeks and there have been a few times when he would come to wake me up and I would be crying in my sleep. I couldn't tell him any details ... just the broad strokes, because I don't want him to worry about something he can't fix. Even now as I type this he is asleep on my couch and my son is asleep in his crib and I just can't force myself to go back to sleep just in case they start again.
I am sorry this is so long but I just felt like I needed to get this off my chest so maybe I can look my bf in the eyes tomorrow and not start crying. Thanks for listening.
Hope the venting helped. Sometimes it is the best med available. Yes, we are here for you. Kick me if I ever try to talk you out of your feelings. Some things can only be tackled alone and head on, especially if they are illogical.
I talked to my bf tonight and explained to him that right now it just feels like my world is falling apart. I told him I don't want to feel like this and that I want to be who I was before all this set in. I am afraid of losing him because on my good days everything is fine but on my bad days we tend to argue. That scares the hell out of me. He is going to see his dad and step mom tomorrow and he told me that when he gets home that we would have a nice romantic evening as soon as the baby goes to bed (I am a single mom). I think that maybe, just maybe, if we get to have that it will help, but I am not going to hold my breath just in case.