It sounds like the depression talking sweetie.. This is the way it speaks to us and it lies..
This is a cyclical illness and it will level out again.. hang on..
If you need to call a crisis team or go to the hospital but please don't hurt yourself.. There is help to be had..xo

I really really want to run away and forget all this nonsense, I wish I didnt have this bipolar thing , I hate being mental......

Having a mental illness is horrible. I hate it too. I know that talking to your doc won't get you the friends you need to make life bearable. I've been living without friends too. And it's hell. I wish I could help but all I can do is say I care - Big Hugs

(((Kitty))))~~

I know you've been struggling lately. I think it feels even worse when we slip into depression after we've had a good period. That overwhelming desire to just quit all this nonsense called life is compelling. But .... I'm going to swipe your towel so you can't throw it in.

Of all the things you could do, I suggest you find a face-to-face support group for bipolar and/or depression. I go to one that is 50 miles away but I wouldn't miss it for anything. The strength I get from sitting in a room with others who know exactly what I'm experiencing is incredible.

And you know what? I have friends I've made in this group that I can talk to. We even meet up for coffee or go to different events together sometimes. There's just something incredibly bonding about sharing the struggles of this condition. I'm very protective of my BP friends and they are protective of me too.

There's no "moron" tattoo on your forehead. BP is just messing with your brain and emotions right now. Hang in there!!

Maybe an offline support group may help. A good general mental health , emoional, support group I'd recommend is "Recovery" Do you live in the US. Don't know if there are Recovery groups nonUS. Its very supportive and encouraging. One of their sayings is when you think you are at the end of your rope, the rope gets longer and you are no longer and the end of your rope. I gave this example because I thought you feel you are at the end of yours Maybe your pdoc change meds could help. I personally understand when you are in the throes of depression nothing is encouraging. May sound weird but doing something enjoyable ay help Mine is eating dark chocolate. Contains a natural mood elevator as well as tastes utterly delish.

It sounds like your having a rough time of it, sorry for that. Giving up is never the answer, you'd just feel much worse. Do you have a therapist or pdoc?

BP depression comes and goes, the important thing to remember when it comes is to "talk yourself off the ledge." Even though you dont' want to do anything but lie in bed, make yourself get up, do your morning routine, go walk in the sun, get out of the house, where you probably stay cooped up most of the time....before you can meet new people and expect them to like you, you have to learn how to like yourself, it will be much easier to make friends.

And you do have people to talk to and people who care, we're your people. I hope things stabilize soon, but it'd probably be a good idea to check in with your pdoc ASAP and let him/her know whats going on.

Hang in there,

Kat