Family s**t is the norm for us!

I always have this picture in my mind of the 'All-American Mom' who still threatens to kick their Kids' A$$es in Adulthood. (e.g. The Jerry Springer Show)

Thank God my Mum was reasonable enough. But was it because she didn't want to rock the boat? :|

When most people don't know or care who we are, we can depend on family to rain on our parade.

You exist so you ARE. That's all you need to know.

Be good to yourself.

Voltaire, I understand your frustration with family dysfunction. It's terribly hard on a person day to day and virtually impossible to gain any type of perspective when you're living it all the time. Maybe your move will help you. I really hope so.

On a side note:

Desi, your negative "All-American" references done in jest.....(*yawn)...ok, so here's a question....where do you get your information other than from television? Your repeated negative comments about American society on this post and many others seem mean-spirited. Surely you don't mean to sound that way.

Correct me if I'm wrong but, stereotyping (even in jest) is terribly unattractive and offensive. A person who stereotypes seems too often oblivious. But I'm sure that wouldn't apply to you. Would it? You're above that and way more intelligent. Maybe I'm missing something. I apologize if that is the case. All the best.

Be good to yourself indeed! I hope you can give yourself a support group or network of work and friends who can give you that positive reinforcement you want. It's something I struggle with. Peace, Mark

Voltaire, family can say the toughest stuff to us....and it can be challenging to not 'hear' the negativity every time we try to go out in the world and try to accomplish something. It takes time, but once you start figuring out who you want around in your life and yes, surrounding yourself with positivity it starts to get better. ((((Hugs))))

Thanks guys. But this shit's buried deep. (my pain from familial abandonment) It will more than likely require a couple years of intensive Dialectical Behavioral Therapy to go away.

Once my Medicaid kicks in, god willing if it does, (I'm pessimistic at this point), I'm going straight back to Lisa, my old counselor who fixed me right up.

I'll be in SC next week, but if I ever get insurance in my lifetime, I will make a monthly trip to see her and seek out her advice.

Oddly Desi I usually think your America jokes are funny or at least decent, lol. I'm not patriotic at all, I mean hell. But child-rearing in America (remember that I took a Early Childhood Care and Education course earlier this year) is very very diverse.

I don't get the "ass whoopin' " or whatever but a lot of kids get spanked and were scared of their mother's wrath if they did something wrong when they were kids, and grew up to be perfectly well-adjusted individuals.

Then there are those who don't believe in physical punishment, I'm one of those. I just.... Idk man. Moral grey-a.

If you're wondering about the mores (pronounced as mor-ays) or cultural norms, the whole "My momma whooped my ass" is kind of an on-running joke mostly recounted by comedians doing stand-up and well-adjusted individuals who believe that the strictness they were brought up with implemented their adulthood discipline.

To a degree this is true.

But also it can be very psychologically damaging and some of the things which certain adults look back and laugh at, with how they were brought up, are the exact same things that caused other children to recluse; to grow up shy, fearful.

There's also a ginormous distinction between Authoritative parenting and Authoritarian parenting. Authoritative parenting is basically when a parent (or parents, plural) is rather strict and implements rules and routine, but authoritative parents firmly believe in allowing the child to develop autonomy. It's negotiable strictness. Basically, they don't take their children for little dumb-dumbs, they expect them to understand why they are being punished or rewarded, but they also genuinely believe in their child's ability to understand why things are the way they are. It's a mutual trust.

Desi, what you're referring to is similar to Authoritarian parenting, where in which rules are very strictly implemented and there is absolutely no negotiation, ever, and affection is limited. In some cases, affection is entirely absent. Children of authoritarian parents tend to grow up to be conformist, obedient types who don't question why things are the way they are. (most, not all)

But about the whole All-American Mom, what you're referring to is Americana culture in the 50s, with strict parents and white picket fences, and that subculture only persists today mostly in the bourgeoisie class.

Ergo, Americana died out after the 50s. Jerry Springer and Maury-type shows' shock-tactic novelty died out in the early 2000s.

Now, why did I bother to explain all that? Because it rustled all of our jimmies and so I decided to be equally irritating.

No offense. We're (or I at least) still cool with you Des, but srsly.

My mum sounds like your's.