Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Thank you everyone for the comments, PMs, and hugs from my other thread where I kind of lost it.... Sorry for getting all freaky ugh. You guys kick ass for being so much older than me and having gone through so much more shit and still being here, and still kicking ass, and still taking names. Heh.
It's like 7 almost and my back's killer right now so if I haven't gotten around to replying individually to you, I will later on today when I'm up and more rested.
But wow I didn't know so many of you had such shitty situations going on with your families. I'm sorry you all. Dx Nobody should have to go through that. I bitch up a storm about my problems, I know. I'm narcissistic and debatably evil but... I seriously cry for everyone's problems when I cry for mine. When I'm depressed it's like the world is a shithole. Everywhere around me is either... happy families, which make me SICK when I'm down, or broken families which is just as sad a sight to see, and both of these polar-opposite things I notice worsen my depression. Basically everything makes me worse because when it (depression) is bad it's BAD. And when it's bad, it's not fcking around hahahaha. But not really 'haha'. I laugh so I don't cry.
Anyway I asked my question around my personal facebook and a few friends replied and one of them was my friend and she told me suicide hotlines DO call cops, so use a 'depression hotline' (lol how undercover) instead, and also gave me her number. She's so cute ugh. It kills me. I probably won't call her because I kind of like her and I'd get choked up lmao. I don't have the nerve. But she's so sweet and cares, and my other friend gave me her's too, and I had the relatable comments here, too. And my aunt eventually left.
But honestly I was looking up some info on suicide and depression 'hotlines' and then my mind 'wandered' and I started looking up horror stories and urban legends which... Distracted me from planning a suicide attempt. xD Crazy right? My ADD/rapid-cycling-whathaveyou saved my hide.... Ah...
Maybe it's not all black rainbows and acid rain. Rapid-cycling to the extreme that I do, provides ample opportunity for distraction.
Then my aunt came back over today and made me cry again and mum told ME to "Drop it! Quit fucking arguing and repeating yourself!" so I sat there and stopped eventually and my aunt made some jokes and I laughed at them.
Does that even make sense? Probably not. Sometimes I swear to Zeus I'm Bipolar to the degree that I am because my aunt's the same... She'll scold me until I'm in tears, tell me she loves me and would do anything for me, and makes a joke or tells an odd story all in the same breath. Is it really any wonder I'm this way?
Well, I'm not sure what I'll do, but this is all I've got for now. I should probably get some sleep if I can. Thanks again. My 'affect' feels off and I'm probably dissociating a little but whatever. I feel better so I'm not worried. I'll be angry again in a minute, the next time a hat drops, might as well enjoy this now.
It's like 7 almost and my back's killer right now so if I haven't gotten around to replying individually to you, I will later on today when I'm up and more rested.
But wow I didn't know so many of you had such shitty situations going on with your families. I'm sorry you all. Dx Nobody should have to go through that. I bitch up a storm about my problems, I know. I'm narcissistic and debatably evil but... I seriously cry for everyone's problems when I cry for mine. When I'm depressed it's like the world is a shithole. Everywhere around me is either... happy families, which make me SICK when I'm down, or broken families which is just as sad a sight to see, and both of these polar-opposite things I notice worsen my depression. Basically everything makes me worse because when it (depression) is bad it's BAD. And when it's bad, it's not fcking around hahahaha. But not really 'haha'. I laugh so I don't cry.
Anyway I asked my question around my personal facebook and a few friends replied and one of them was my friend and she told me suicide hotlines DO call cops, so use a 'depression hotline' (lol how undercover) instead, and also gave me her number. She's so cute ugh. It kills me. I probably won't call her because I kind of like her and I'd get choked up lmao. I don't have the nerve. But she's so sweet and cares, and my other friend gave me her's too, and I had the relatable comments here, too. And my aunt eventually left.
But honestly I was looking up some info on suicide and depression 'hotlines' and then my mind 'wandered' and I started looking up horror stories and urban legends which... Distracted me from planning a suicide attempt. xD Crazy right? My ADD/rapid-cycling-whathaveyou saved my hide.... Ah...
Maybe it's not all black rainbows and acid rain. Rapid-cycling to the extreme that I do, provides ample opportunity for distraction.
Then my aunt came back over today and made me cry again and mum told ME to "Drop it! Quit fucking arguing and repeating yourself!" so I sat there and stopped eventually and my aunt made some jokes and I laughed at them.
Does that even make sense? Probably not. Sometimes I swear to Zeus I'm Bipolar to the degree that I am because my aunt's the same... She'll scold me until I'm in tears, tell me she loves me and would do anything for me, and makes a joke or tells an odd story all in the same breath. Is it really any wonder I'm this way?
Well, I'm not sure what I'll do, but this is all I've got for now. I should probably get some sleep if I can. Thanks again. My 'affect' feels off and I'm probably dissociating a little but whatever. I feel better so I'm not worried. I'll be angry again in a minute, the next time a hat drops, might as well enjoy this now.
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Here is my new brother, copper :) He's so tiny! Moo and Tuck were ok with him on first meeting. Rocket due to his severe aggression will never meet Cooper.
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https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTDeA9Wxg/
Ultra rapid cycling is four in a month.
If you are going faster than that you maybe need to consider other things.
You've had a proper diagnosis of Bipolar?
You are on proper meds?
You are not taking street meds / drinking?
If yes to the first two and no to the last ..
have you considered you might be borderline as a characteristic / distinguisher from bipolar is much more rapid mood shifts?
alternatively hormones / other disorders may be in play.
also consider that you can go from up to down while still in an elevated mood - you can go from euphoria to complete hell - but that hell is not depression because you have energy and a degree of focus - so you have a kind of agitated dark mood.
My guess is that it's not possible to cycle much faster than a few times in a month because it's not physically (biochemically) possible to go through the kind of neurochemical over and under production quicker. Abnormal moods are just a reflection of the base biochemistry and it possibly can't cycle any faster.
Yes, and several confirmations.
Borderline has been suspected by one counselor I think, maybe two, but it hasn't been confirmed and I'm not getting regular psych appointments.
No street drugs.
I'm supposed to be on Lithium but... I'm not. I felt sick and stopped taking it without doctor supervision.
I definitely think I'm Borderline concurrent with Bipolar honestly. Most of my year has been depressive and I haven't been consistently manic since last year, as far as the 'over-all'. So maybe you're right.
I'm not so convinced about the statistical limits of rapid-cycling, though. I think the potential for brain chemical shifts in some is unforetold. I was with a person who was diagnosed as a severe case of bipolar, didn't do any drugs while we were together except for drinking, but he was about the same while pretty much sober. His entire pattern of behavior was basically like a meth addict's but he never used meth, even when he did 'stuff'. I say that because I've known people who used to be.
It's the dopamine. I'm not sure what causes it to rise or fall so suddenly by normal stimulus in either bipolar individuals or drug users, but if it's possible with an artificial chemical catalyst, I think the same must also be possible without, too.
I mean I trust very strongly in science and I'm not saying I doubt hard science, but I've seen some things that convince me that the whole 'cycles only changing x amount of times per month/yr' could be a rough estimation- and that the actual boundaries are more widely varied.
But I also think I have Borderline traits and have had separate personalities splitting off at certain points, so I'm not sure this applies to me. xD It's just my general opinion.
I plan to go back to the doctor's this week now that my mum seems to be feeling better and can probably take me up there. It all has to be done on-site, appointments can't be arranged by phone at this place unless you're consistently in their system.
It's just annoying having to try and get on a schedule with a government-run psychiatric clinic. It's not like it's 'not good enough' for me, I've just lost faith in the system and am depressed, so it makes it tough to form healthy patterns right now.