Hope you feel better.

Yeah! it's 0400. Just played PS4 for four hours.

you're doing all the right things, getting rid of the energy in healthy ways. kudos. Hope you get through it without a terrible crash. hugs

Went out to buy a new coffee maker. Why can I do this at 6 AM on a Saturday? There are some interesting critters at Wal-Mart that time of the morning.

The second walk completed. First 9 miles and then another 3 just now. I am being good.

Well, boy do I know the feeling. When I started my lamictal i was so far up in the air. Top of my ferris wheel. It feels terrific. But, apparently its not healthy, safe, good, none of it. But it feels pretty good while its happening. Till you havent slept in forever, you cannoy concentrate on absolutely anything, havent ate and so much more. Luckily, my meds evened out and I went neutral. I didnt hit rock bottom and I am so happy for that. But usually, it comes with a crash. I really hope it all goes well and ends well for you. Best of luck. Do you know what triggers your mania?

Triggers... they always start at night. I divulged a lot to my TDoc and PDoc over the past three weeks. It made me very emotional and I guess vulnerable. The emotions got the better of me.

Thank you for mentioning eating. When I am in a mania I don't sleep or eat. Will probably lose around 10 lbs before this is over. I do drink a lot as it is an escape. I know, I know. But it is something that I need at night.

Third walk. Still have stayed away from the car, credit cards or other adult entertainments.

What you do is call your Pdoc and see if they can give you something to slow you down. With your heart conditions a lot of what your doing can be dangerous to you.

Your list of "stupid things" are a bit different than someone who doesn't have your Cardiac issues. Lack of nourishment, lack of sleep, extra alcohol, tripling your normal exercise rate...those would all land on your list of "stupid things while manic."

Call your Pdoc.

Older... called the PDoc message service but no email or phone call back. Texted my TDoc and she said she would get in touch. Guess not much there. I'm still in full mania so it will be an interesting night in the Thor household.

I will probably go into the shrink's office on Monday and see what he says. What really can be done? I've lived this cycle for years and years. I always thought it just the normal cycles that everyone has. Lots of energy, stupid shit and then a crash into suicidal depression. Given the pressure of my job, I think that many thought of throwing themselves overboard. My job before gave me cover, now I am naked and alone. there's a nice vision for the night time. Just saying.

as long as you are aware then you should be ok it is when you forget your disorder than you are in trouble

coming from someone who has been there ended up by spending 6 month in the hospital beware

Thanks, Bywena. Six months is pretty long. It is way longer than my four weeks inside but less than a 14-month combat deployment. Not sure which would be worse, the nuthouse or combat. I went in for help and I would have been able to receive more help if it were not a medium-security prison. I can't get well with the suicide nurse staring at me all night long. She was totally creepy at night lurking there in a chair waiting. What were you inside for, if I can ask?

Also still totally on mania tonight. Going to go on a ten-mile walk and then taping for some painting tomorrow. And lastly, review a new heart information website for some volunteer work I am doing for my heart disease. It keeps me grounded. Also, totally getting through my honey-do list.

Hi All,
I am still newish here but Thor2008 your story is helping me smile because I realize I am not alone with the mania's highs and lows. Right now things are getting dark and I am getting sad and angry at my situation of needing to find a full-time job and move out of my bf's house. I find lately I have bouts of productivity and then NO ability to focus or recall things...even my coordination seems to slip. Mind you this adds to the strain on the currently crumbling relationship. Ugh. Been having trouble getting going in the mornings, then I'm up all night because I've had too much coffee. Cannot afford to get a doctor as I have no insurance. I think the low is getting punctuated by random activities of cleaning. That's healthy sometimes.

Thanks for reading my ramble.

So... night two. No sleep since Thur. Am I worried about just going freaking nuts. Nope. Will clean, and then walk and then deliver random thoughts all throughout the internet. Why is that I tend to clean when I get into a mania? And not all at once but like seven activities all at once and in the end making zero sense. So this is what you get when a sleep deprived Thor starts posting.

SunWillRiseAgain - great name. Mine is for my furry therapist that I saw nightly (zero co-pay). Sorry about the relationship side. I am scatterbrained a lot, and I think a lot of my short term memory is really going. Probably a result of one too many sharp blows to the head. My depression normally makes it very difficult to get out of bed. I am losing workdays to depression now. Please tell us how it goes. It is tough and there is a lot of empty time between sunset and sunrise.

Yeah! still awake.

Big hug Thor..... I would talk to your pdoc tomorrow or go to emerg sweetie and I would stop taking the 'stimulant' as well as any caffeine products

The big problem is what comes up has to come down and you don't want a hard crash... That's no good

As OlderC wrote you have other medical problems that are relevant ….xo