Every wednesday of every week for the next year I go to my DBT(Dialectical Behavioral Therapy), which is a good 45 min drive down a long lane winding highway and then into a town larger than what I am used to.

Anyway, to no avail, EVERY wednesday, though usually starts the day or even 2 days before, I start to get anxious because I begin to have irrational thoughts about the drive.

Here is the deal......I have a 16yo son and I am all he has....father has been out of the picture by his own choice since my son was 3yo. My son has made it very clear that nothing had better happen to me...that he just couldn't handle it. Him and I are very close and I know he depends on me for a whole lot. Well, my thinking starts leaning towards my demise in a car crash because I have to drive so far to go to DBT every Wednesday. It's not only that but Will usually makes his doc appts, since they are in the same vicinity as my DBT for Wednesday too.....so I get stressing over getting to his doc appt on top of getting to DBT alive.

I know what will be will be and if I am meant to die today or any other day that's simply just gonna be the way it is. I do tell myself these things.

I struggle though and it totally sucks here people!! I distract, I self soothe, I talk to myself, but damn is this a huge push for me to get out the damn door. sigh I'm so afraid I will die before my time and my son will be left all alone.....I cannot get these irrational thoughts out of my damn head and it creates a ton of anxiety and who wants another anxious driver on the damn road?

Just wanted to post because I, once again, am getting very anxious to the point I just want to say "screw this I'm just not going" I will stay in my nice warm, safe home and be here when my son gets home from school.

Thanks for reading.......