I just feel like total shit. I hate mixed states. My thoughts are racing, I have been trying all morning to force myself to get some work done to no avail. I just want to go sit in the bathroom and cry. I am seeing a new therapist tonight and I miss the old one so badly. I saw him for 5 years and he knew me so well. I don't want to start over and I have put off getting a new therapist for over a year but I really need one for times like this. I was supposed to see my pdoc last week but she got sick and cancelled and they couldn't reschedule me until the end of April... WTF am I supposed to do? I've been unstable since October..... first manic now mixed and rapid cycling. We increased the anti psychotics 3 times then gave up entirely and switched to a different one and still I am a mess. The only thing that helps is taking 6 mgs of Klonopin. Shit, seriously?? I am up to 6mgs of Klonopin? I am paranoid, having intrusive thoughts, everything looks slick and sharp and mean, want to sleep all the time but can't sleep so I lay curled up in a ball on the couch trying not to think, not to see, not to exist. I'm going to lose my job. I was talked to about my performance and so I made the mistake of telling them I am Bipolar and having issues and I have been discliplined 2 more times since, was told that I need to "deal with it". I don't know what to do anymore. I am so confused. Take some more Klonopin and go to the bathroom to cry. I don't know what else to do.