Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Have you ever wanted to post something but you just didn't know how to word it and ended up not posting at all? Or you just didn't feel like talking about it though you knew you should because bottling things is a recipe for disaster and those around you wouldn't get it? I feel like I've cracked I'm just losing it. I don't even really know what I'm talking about. I'm just typing because it gives my hands something to do. Sometimes i visit other groups and leave comments even though I'm not in the same situation as them. Or I send them hugs. I'm gonna be alone you know? Not in the real sense but I'm going to feel alone soon and that's the kind of alone that really counts, isn't it. He's going to leave because I gave him no choice. And they'll stare. Everybody. And whisper and judge and make me feel bad. I already have to deal with my paranoid delusions that people do that to me every day now I'll know they really are doing it. How will I face the world every day? I've had mild social anxiety for years now, did you know? I try not to go out alone. Some days even walking to class or going to lunch alone is so scary I just don't go. And I don't talk much in class cos I can't handle being the centre of attention. I don't like being looked at. I barely look at myself in the mirror. There are days when I tape paper over them because I just can't stand my reflection. And I think maybe I'm seeing things again. Shadows moving. And sometimes I hear music and whispers and other sounds I'm sure are all in my head. I'm losing my mind, aren't I? Who am I? WHY am I?
Not that I can relate directly, but Idk. When I go out alone, I get severely depressed and anxious all at once. (Trigger warning! Might be TMI as well) Sometimes I wish I could just cut myself or otherwise self-injure in a crowded room, in a reality in which nobody would, or could notice what I was doing, so that I could have calmness my way, like, I could do that in public to distract and calm myself, but yet it'd be my little secret.
Or that I could be covered in a thousand piercings and a thousand tattoos to remind myself and the world (mostly myself) who I am, in a situation like that. (Hopefully someday I will be!)
I get a very BAD and dissociative feeling when I'm in a crowded place alone, because I feel like a blank canvas of a person, and everyone else, every other family, couple, and solitary person I see is going to go back to their own busy, unique life when they leave, but I'll return to solitude and dissociative blankness.
It's the only time where I wish I were being controlled like a puppet by another person. It's where my codependent tendencies (which I've mostly destroyed, luckily) come out to play.
Does this sound familiar at all, even if only very indirectly? l: