Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Hey guys. This is kinda gonna be a downer so if you don't want to read it, turn back now. I always try to focus on the positive or the possibility of the positive, but more and more in the last week or so I have been obsessed with the song--Don't Fear the Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult. It talks of how at first she fears death, but then in the end embraces her dark lover. I long to do that. Not that I will because I couldn't leave my family that way, but I soooo long to go on to Heaven where there is no pain--physical or emotionial. I hurt so bad in my back, hips, and my right knee. I get tired so easily. I am so heavy on my body that it is literally killing me. I do not have the motivation to lose the weight. I see the whole picture of me as hopeless. I am a fuck up as a mother, a financier, a person. But, now I am telling myself I must hang in and suffer forevermore until my natural death??? Have I lost my fuckin mind?
Much love,
Me
Much love,
Me
deleted_user
The trouble with the depressive side is that it is like going down a spiral staircase; descending, precarious, dark and engulfing. When that passes you can start making your way back up again. You might get a bit stuck on the stairs and have a sit down, but then you go on up again. As you are going up, you might as well talk to yourself and tell that person that she is not a f*ck-up, but just not very well. It is hard to look to positive things when you are in this bog of despondency, but if you can make a mental list of some, then try and do so. You will ultimately get there, and we are all here to talk to you, because we understand what you are talking about. God bless. :o)
ZanyBeeper
Thanks Rose!! I appreciate your kind words.
deleted_user
No you haven't lost your mind. I tried to commit suicide 20 years ago and nearly died. Since then so much beauty has come into my life that I'd have missed. My life now is a mess too but I believe that in time things will get better. Nothing stays the same ever. I am so sorry for all your suffering. I can only imagine, but I do know that feeling of wanting to die. It's an end to our suffering we want rather than the end of our lives. The suffering will end one day. In the meantime, we are here.
deleted_user
Hey Sweety, I just think it's good you can share these dark thoughts on here. I have them and I am so isolated now due to family and friends bailing on me due to my mental illnesses, that I get so much relief just talking to someone - live or online. I had blood tests today and the nurse was really nice and I blabbered on about my psych and general medical issues and she was so nice and accomodating - I felt good just chatting about it to a complete stranger.
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