Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder bipolar type last year when I had my first psychotic episode. About 6 months before that I started seeing a psychiatrist for my horrible anxiety. After a few days on Lexapro sent me into a major up and down meltdown, my psychiatrist believed that I had some kind of mood disorder. So that's the beginning of what landed me here. I'm now up to 5 psychiatric medications and one to combat side effects. I'm on Lamictal, Welbutrin, Latuda, Zoloft, and Zyprexa. Each one plays its part and I have improved after each one has been added or increased. I'm the most stable I've been in literally years which is great. But I'm still not happy. I am currently stuck at this low-grade depression where I feel little and am interested in little. During my psychosis, I was hearing and talking with a shadow boy named Albert who was very mean. He called me bad names, told me he'd kill my family and friends, and urged me to commit violent acts. But I was also talking with some stuffed animals in my room who were almost the exact opposite of Albert. I miss being able to talk to them, even Albert. I talked with my stuffed animals and saw shadow people as a child as well. They're gone now that I'm on two antipsychotics and I have talked to any of them in months. My family is rejoicing at this and everyone says this is all for the best. I'm med compliant, I take the pills every morning and night without fail but I hate them. I nicknamed my psychotic episodes as being in 'Jenny World'. I don't feel like I fit in in this world and I'm missing the little one I had all to myself. I have big career plans and am going away to college in just a few months so I know I have to be on these meds in order to get to do those things because I can't be a part of this world if I'm stuck in my own. I just feel like I have to hide all the time to try and not be deemed "the crazy girl". I still talk one way to my stuffed friends because I felt as though they were some of the only ones who actually understood. I've requested a single room in college so I can keep all my odd routines and rituals. I just can't get deemed "the crazy girl". Now that I'm alone in my thoughts and the only voice in my head is my own, I'm so lonely. Albert was mean but I had someone with me at all times. The quiet is uncomfortable, I don't understand how people can be by themselves like this. I'm sorry to rant, I haven't talked about this in a while. I don't understand why I can't just be happy. Lately, I've just been wondering if I am a person that is even capable of being happy at all.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
It took me about 3 years to get onto a med cocktail that I felt pretty good on along with other 'tools' to help get me to a good place
For me faith played a strong role, a cognitive therapy group, gratitude etc
Perhaps some type of therapeutic support group would be a good way to combat loneliness in a healthy way
Gentle hug...... It's great that you're venting here.....xo
You should talk with your pdoc about some things you can do, to adjust to being a "new" normal. Because, although they way you felt before was far from normal, for you, it was your life.
I personally find exercise, playing music, gardening, a spirituality to be driving forces in my life. I can turn to those things, instead of getting angry, as I did before I learned new ways of living.
You are to be commended for being med complaint, especially when it bothers you. You are on the right track. I would also suggest that you read some books on the topic. One non-fiction book that helped me tremendously, was "loving someone with bipolar disorder," by Julie A Fast. She has also written one called "living with bipolar disorder," which is probably similar. She has so many practical pieces of advice, which I was able to apply to my life, and it made a huge difference.
I am not sure about schizo affective, but at least tackle one side of the issue. There are also books and movies about living with bipolar disorder, which may help you see that we all go through these changes, in order to live a better life. And changes are not easy for anyone. But, I think your strength and courage in taking your meds will really help, and you will make it through this difficult period of pining for the old life, which really was not a good way to live.
I've never considered not taking my BiPolar meds, because that would leave my BiPolar untreated, and that would put my life in utter chaos, and the Suicidal Depression that is the heart of my BiPolar would have killed me a long time ago.
But I didn't get to just think about me, I had 2 sons to raise, a career to work, and all the fun grown up responsibilities that come along...unfortunately they don't go away just because I had BiPolar, so I made sure I worked my Treatment and got things to a point of long term stability... not taking meds was never an option.
It's a huge shame the scizophrenia board is so quiet because I expect some of them have gone through something similar.
But I think you've realised that to acheive your career plans you need to let them go.
All I can say is when you get to college reach out as much as you can to other people, don't hide away.
You feel good doing it and it's a really good way to make new friends..... At one time I volunteered for a Bipolar Assoc and it was a great experience.... This might be a way for you to get out and be more comfortable as well
I would look up a Schizophrenia Assoc or Bipolar Assoc in your area and see what might be available for people to partake in....
These organizations are great.... The members very often either have the disorder or a loved one does
Gentle hug......xo