TW for content involving racism, child abuse, and police brutality.

I've had to step back from continually and religiously researching police shootings in the U.S. because there are new race-related police brutality cases cropping up almost on a weekly basis now. Keeping track of it isn't so much a problem because of the internet and the helpful social media users who have their own data archives and share what they've got, but it's emotionally getting to be too much for me to handle.

I've been so bitter and on-edge from all of this and I feel like I'm becoming more of a distrustful, hateful person from all this. Not that I would stop, but I'm trying to step back because I can't take it any more.

Mike Brown, Tamir Rice, Eric Garner, Rumain Brisbon, Aiyana Jones, and other cases not police brutality related. A little girl abused and starved to death and ignored by DFACS. IN MY HOMETOWN. Emani Moss. Islan Nettles, victim of transphobic violence.

I know probably hundreds of people are killed in America and most countries every single day, but certain cases, names, faces, I cannot simply move on from and forget about because they are testament to the broken systems in this country, and now that I'm so hyperaware of it, it's extremely difficult to ignore, especially when more and more NEARLY IDENTICAL cases crop up days or weeks later.

I don't want to be desensitized to it, because being angry keeps a person aware. Being angry gets things accomplished. But its extremely triggering for my mental illness because it's, in a word, overwhelming.

Not really sure what question I should wrap this up with, I guess I'm just venting at this point. It's been bothering me on mostly a daily basis since around August when I got very into the Michael Brown case and what it symbolized, what it meant, and then started paying closer attention to subsequent cases to try and identify a pattern. And I did... I'm a better person for it, but right now I'm struggling and angry.