Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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Depressed Wife

jfulk
jfulk
My wife and I have been married for about a year and a half. In this time, it's become clear that she struggles greatly with depression. Some days are worse than others. I didn't realize she dealt with it to this extent before we married. I think she kind of hid it from me as best as possible.

It's very hard as a BP to have this in my surroundings. It triggers me like crazy and I want to be supportive toward her, but I am trying desperately to stave off my own episode, because we BOTH really need to avoid being down at the same time. She is medicated and treated by her family doctor (don't get me started on that!) Any time I suggest her seeing a Psychiatrist, she really shuts the idea down. Suggestions are welcome because right now, it's not overly healthy around here. :(
sadiegirl13
sadiegirl13
My advice is couples therapy bc you two need to learn how to work together through these things. It won't be a quick fix, its going to take a long time, but imo you can solve this problem just with this episode. You both need to learn how to work through these things long term.
Nester4U
Nester4U
I agree with Sadie. Ya'll should go to couples therapy and if you can't convince her don't make it out to be her problem but tell her you both need to learn how to manage when the other one's mood is acting up.

i know this is probably useless if she's that depressed but can you get her out of the house? to like go to a movie or at night you can ride around and look at Christmas lights? Anything to break the routine up a walk maybe? Good Luck & HUGS!!
jfulk
jfulk
Thank you both. I am afraid that things are more toxic than therapy will fix. But isn't that what everyone avoiding therapy says? Ha!

Everything is always my fault and there's no talking through anything properly. When she wants to talk and I don't...it's my fault. When I want to talk and she doesn't, I get yelled at to shut up...and it's still my fault.

Then out of the blue she starts to come back around (it's already started just a few minutes ago) with her trying to pull out of it and get over it. That's a good thing I suppose, but it's driving me crazy and not helping my condition. I don't know if I can do this for the long haul if this is life.
Nester4U
Nester4U
I'm going to gout on a limb here and I take your word she's depressed but does it happen during her period or around that time. BC it sounds like I used to around that time of month nothing could please me and whatever happened my husband got blamed. I had what you call Premenstrual dysphoric disorder. I really don't know how he stood it looking back.

Not trying to minimize her depression but you said she hid it so well before that there may be another reason. You may want to look it up.
beckyp
beckyp
Sometimes when you can't work with someone and they won't work on themselves, the only thing you can do is work on yourself. Are you in therapy? You need to learn how to cope with your symptoms and learn how to live with hers.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Big hug for you sweetie... It's great to see you....I'm so sorry about the circumstances though

I would discuss with her how her depression is effecting you in a non confrontational way... I would also let her know that you don't think her depression is under control and perhaps ask her what she thinks?
I doubt couples therapy will help at this point unless the root of the depression is the marriage??

I would again bring up seeing someone who specializes in treating depression...
If she won't ask for help then there really isn't too much you can do however I would let her know kindly that this is having a profound effect on you and you so want her to be well and see her thrive

Another hug and a blessing..x
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
I would also let her know that you won't continue to be a whipping boy... This won't help either of you and will cause a lot of damage...x
jfulk
jfulk
Thank you all! She DOES have PMDD and we're approaching that time of the month if we're not already there. SunCloud...I hear what you're saying. I need to find a time when she's obviously not angry to talk about this. Unfortunately, i get to those times and am so thankful that I don't want to chance rocking the boat. :(
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
I hope that she has a gynecologist jf... That's serious and would be really hard for you both to cope with

I hear you re not rocking the boat when you have some calm time jf however I would guess before too long resentment will build up and love can die out

It doesn't sound like this will just go away on it's own sweetie and it can be helped.... Life can get better for both of you if together you address the problem....xo
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