Spent most of the day in bed today with a migraine, but after the migraine was gone, I just could not get out of bed.  I laid there thinking about everything and how I felt about it all.  Depression has set in and typically I am depressed for about two weeks.  This is not the life I wanted.  I have little to show for my efforts of thirty years.  I feel so ashamed and I know that everyone is talking about me.  The circle of officers of my type is small and they tend to be always jocking for their next position and if the can do on the backs of someone else they will.  A bit hard to explain with a very long.  But nevertheless, I am depressed.  I have my new PCM on Monday.  I wonder how that will go.  All I know is to tell her what she wants to hear or they will lock me up again.  One time I told the internist what I felt and that I was in a hypomanic state.  That yielded several phone calls, a call to my company and demands from the TDoc and PDoc to now start to see them twice weekly.  

I can't seem to win.  That brass ring is always outside my reach.  I feel a failure in my career, marriage and just life in general.