Oh Mikhail (love your name BTW - wanted to name my son that actually), you need need need to go to the hospital...I don't care if you don't like it, you don't think it won't work - (just sayin) it is time for a change - a very very serious change and going to the psych hospital is the first step. It is possible for change, I also deal with some pretty nasty super long depressions and have times when I do not take care of myself. You can do this....

From accounts I have read, people can live a long time in adverse conditions. The reason is that we all have a will to live no matter how much we talk about not wanting to live. But why put up with it? There's treatment available. Call an ambulance and go to the hospital. The way I look at it is if we have the energy to watch tv then we have the energy to help ourselves out of our misery. Life is the only game in town. Come on in, the water's fine!

I am sorry the depression is so severe for you. I agree with the other posts. You need to seek help and call the crisis line. You need to try other anti-depressants until you find something that works. Please don't just lay there, reach out for help. I tried to kill myself a few times and I am just glad that I didn't succeed. My life has improved and so can yours. It took courage to post here. Use that same courage to call the crisis line!

I am a man your age, though I have not gotten as down as you are now. We all talk about meds a lot on this website but I truly believe that the meds are only part of the solution.

I believe it is a balancing act between your instinct to survive, developing personal techniques to keep you on track, seeking out therapy and medical treatment that make it work. The first question one must ask is "Do I want life, if I can make it better and mostly pain free?" I believe the answer is yes or you wouldn't be on this website asking for advice. That is the instinct to live.

I believe the therapy and meds go hand-in-hand to give us the ability to see beyond our situation and pain and try to find a path to recovery and healing.

So, you need to decide what that first step will be for your recovery...is it calling a crisis hot line?, checking yourself into a hospital?, calling a friend or family member for moral support to get help? or calling a therapist or pdoc?

YOU ARE YOUR LAST HOPE, not someone else! You clearly want to be healed but you must want it enough to take that first step! So go for it and see if you can't start on the path to recovery.

We're with you!

Sweetie...Hang in there. I was where you are at last year after a year of depression as you described. Family called my Pdoc who had me sent by ambulance to the VA psych ward in Missippi. Thank God they did that. I have a life now and I really want to live it. Am I totally out of the depression? No but it is so much better. They changed my meds and gave me daily therapy and taught me so many coping skills. I am a 56yr old woman with extreme rapid cycling bP, plus ADD and bPD plus dissisociative dissorder. I firmly believe that if they could help me they (hospital) could help you. You can get past the hell on earth of your current life. You are already reaching out...go just a bit further. I am praying for you.

Depression is the angry side of evil, yet, without self-regulation, it will run rampent through the lives of the insane.