The first few years are the hardest.
Trying out different med combos
Feeling like a lab rat
This med , that med.

Eventually it does get better

Thank you. It is very new. Hopefully once I am used to the diagnosis and get the right med combo I will be okay.

I agree....the first few years are confusing, angering...mine were terrible. But it will get better. You're reaching out, and that's good. It's nice to know there are people floating around out there who 'get it.' Sending you good thoughts.

This is a really insightful description of bipolar. Thanks!

You miss the good times, and the writing and poetry and maybe love of music and being the life and soul etc, because somewhere inside you you knew things where not just quite right. Maybe at times you, say, are just a bit too flash and full of yourself. Others could see this but overlooked it because you were fun and nice to be with. So did you for the same reason. As your spirit grew you became happier as you headed towards being the nicest person possible is it is to be.

But as these previous mentioned small negativities built up inside you you began to come down and then found yourself depressed and having a mental breakdown, even being diagnosed as bipolar (welcome to the club)

But as the wise caring person you are, you realised 2 things. First that mother nature sends us into depression to say if you want to achieve that higher goal, then calm right down and think. Think about this pain in the depths of your soul you feel now. Mother nature tells you it is for own good. Why? Because 2ndly you have heard the term many times "But I do not want to cause you any unnecessary pain or any unnecessary suffering." Therefore this tells us that some pain and some suffering IS necessary to help us. Maybe to help us learn to live with something a parent did when we were young, or all manner of things.

And when you realise this and even have to visit a doctor to give you meds to help you fight this pain you will gradually get better. And you will be well again and relieved. Then one day you will be happy you came through it all and did not do anything stupid.

Why have I said all the above? Because I am bipolar one and its exactly what happened to me. On my last high I was nearly killed. Then came a major depression and I nearly killed myself. But I slowly worked out the above things and gradually go oh so much better. And so will you. I have to take a mood stabiliser every day now, but now want to live as long as possible and enjoy the ride.

Thank you for such a thoughtful reply.

I can really relate to everything you're saying. I often think that when I look in the mirror. I wish my old self would appear someday.

I can relate too. Life with BP sure can be a b... Hoping right meds and understanding , helpful pdoc, therapists help get you back on track. ie Support systems. Are there support groups where you live? I know the Bipolar, Depression support is thruoghout the US. Do you live in the US?

I think many of us have been there, and it is painful and so frustrating. I am so sorry you're feeling this way. But please remember, support can come through friends here who really care and understand. It will get better. Newly dx is really hard, I hope you find good local people who cam be there, especially a good psych and pdoc that you feel safe with. Warm gentle hugs, you are worth it! I'm encouraged that you express a desire to feel better and enjoy more things. That drive is really helpful, but please don't beat yourself up if it takes time.

After my mental breakdown and hospitalization with first Dx of BP all I could do was take baby steps. I know the lack of self-trust this can bring after being totally out of control. You will get to feeling better maybe not ever the same but a new "normal." Believe it or not it can bring it's own gifts. More caring and compassionate towards self and others. More appreciating the small things.Even a sense of humor about yourself. TBH it took me about two years to recover from my breakdown and accept Dx of BP. But if I can do it trust me you can.

I've thought and felt all the things you described but for the most part I talk back to all the negative thoughts about myself and try to re-frame them. It makes life easier.

I sure hope you find some peace and eventually trust back in yourself.

(((HUGS)))

Sometimes I think the hardest thing about being bipolar is learning to give up the guilt and be kinder to yourself. You start taking things one day at a time and living in the moment. It's easier said than done. I too miss the hypomania and have had to get use to a "new" me. There's a recovery period after every breakdown. For me it's about 2 and a half years. Finding the right meds just takes time too, and it's an exhausting process like Dancingd said. It does get better.

so many good answers and shares for you sd, and thanks for your thanks for mine. I wish to only add that ambition is a wonderful thing. good ambitions often leads to a better world. But sometimes be patient and have more thought towards those who may hinder early ambitions. For whilst this may cause conflict being, not ok is not ok.

And we all know that saying sorry is often the hardest word to say. but it often breaks down barriers and is a humbling experience to both parties. And the instigator gets better soonest.

I feel almost the same way you do except I haven't been able to work for years. I also feel robbed, broken and wish I could be my old self back when I could feel real happiness.
May we both find peace again.
hugs "

Last year was the worst year of my entire life. My mind went bonkers and it's been almost a year now and I'm just starting to see change but my brain seems to hurt and I feel wounded, hurt, scared, alone humiliated and most of all BETRAYED by my very own mind. These meds DO help to get us back on track. This is a process and thank goodness DS is here. These people are here for you anytime you call.

I think it's so many changes all at once. You are NOT alone. I am in the same boat.

I hope things start to look brighter for you. ((((HUGS)))) God Bless.

Thank you sharing. It is all very new and my brain feels injured from it all.