Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

8,884 Members
129,557 Posts
0 Online
Mental Health
/ Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Dating someone with bi polar

yankee13
yankee13

hey guys I'm reaching out for some advice . In short my situation is I have known someone for few years now and have been in complicated relationship status with them for about 8 months now . Meaning we act like a couple and do everything couple couple would do we just don't have that title that says we are together. Recently I questioned some behavior I noticed because it was like talking to two diff people and I couldn't keep up . One minute everything was good , next it wasn't. We finally had conversation where she told me she was bi polar and just really stressed. Okay .. I can work with that . Open communication works best . So now when something comes up I try to evaluate situation are you just having bad day or is this how you really feel ???



im seeking advice in reference to the fact few weeks it was agreed we would just be friends .. We recently went on a trip together and she was upset I " kept my distance" so I explained I was respecting the friendship and later in trip we fall right back into before when we were " dating" I think everything was good , until last night when I was told we want diff things and it's not gonna work out .... 



Keep in mind this convo over phone / text and In middle of convo i was randomly getting pictures of "funny memes" basically kinda slipping back into how we normally are .



my question is at what point do I determine its just off day or it's truly how they feel ?? I by no means am not perfect ! I have my own anxieties and insecurity issues to do deal with so overall we have many obstacles . I don't wanna give up but I'm also at fork in road trying to decifer the situation .



any and all suggestions are great appreciated thank you !

polarbare
polarbare
I would just stick to being friends... she has opted for that a few times... if people are truly meant to be together it will happen... give her space to figure things out... ((hugs)) polar
OlderCPer
OlderCPer
Okay some of your story I didn't understand...the "talking two diff people and I couldn't keep up" were you saying she acts like 1 person around you and another person around others? It's interesting how you guys have been so close that you've been sort of dating for years and you didn't know she was BiPolar. It's kind of hard to hide from strangers much less from those close to us. The one thing that needs to happen is boundaries need to be set and followed. A bipolar person can change their feelings/emotions literally hundreds of times a day depending on what type of BiPolar they have. If she's a Rapid Cycler, and it sounds like she might be, then you'll have to be the person who keeps the line drawn. You'll have to be the strong one and not give into things just because they feel good.

If you two are just going to be friends then those boundaries need to be set. Having relationship with a BiPolar person is not easy, it takes a lot of patience, understanding and care. It really sounds like you 2 should stick to being friends, unfortunately you'll have to be the "grownup" and keep that boundary in place. She may get upset with you at times, but I doubt it'll last very long. Take care.
yankee13
yankee13
Polarbare thank you for responding ! It looks like will be heading that way however it comes down too not being sure if we can just be friends so we shall see

Oldercper thank you for your feedback as well . Let me clarify .. We met on dating site ( something I'm not fan of ) and we're friends ... She always stayed in touch but lives back home and I moved since for work .. So it's not like I'm around her 24/7 . It's not appropriate to call someone out say what are you bipolar ? In past she would just have brk down and say I'm crazy that's all okay well that's not good enough but when she was ready to talk about she told me . It's very complicated relationship and I have had nothing but patience and understanding . Thank you for your feed back
yankee13
yankee13
Oh and when I say it's like talking to two people she would be mad or upset about something and mid brk down act like nothing happen
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Big hug for you yankee... You 'sound' like a really understanding person... Please don't think your feelings aren't just as important as your friends' though... They are... Playing ping pong with a relationship would be really hard on you
Bipolar is a very treatable disorder if you're plugged into the treatment .. There may be other reasons or other disorders if she's changing her mind about her feelings regularly .. Some of this sounds more like 'game playing' to me then bipolar disorder IMHO
yankee13
yankee13
Thank you suncloud ... The topic came up bc she was concerned about her rx running out before she could get another one. It is a back and forth game like you said . It's just hard bc at first I took it as cat mouse game but now that there's other factors I'm not sure it's solely that . Earlier today it was said wasn't going to work . Yet on her way to work she calls and says she will call me later ( like everything is good again ) thanks for patience guys I got to point where I needed some outside advice
Banshee67
Banshee67
Are you bipolar?
PrincessLynnie
PrincessLynnie
Souns like you need to just be friends. Bipolar is a very difficult disease to live with, and it's even harder for people who don't have it to deal with us.
Sworddancer68
Sworddancer68
I would never want to date me.
OlderCPer
OlderCPer
Yeah it can be very hard dating a BP'er, especially one who's not found that "sweetspot" Pdoc/Tdoc combo, who've not found the right medication combo that lets them live a semi-normal life. I know people always say you don't know what someone is going through until you've walked a mile in their shoes.....BiPolar Disorder is one of the things I truly believe that Statement fits. Its so hard to try and control your mind when it wants to do 100 different things and you just want to succeed at 1. And trying to explain the way you feel, put it into actual words that a normy might understand...whew...that can be tough. People don't understand how 1 day you seem okay and 2 days later your so depressed that it literally hurts to breathe and it just seems like to much to go on. Then the depression stops but your bouncing off the walls painting your 7 yr old sons bedroom at 3:00 a.m. (I had a very understanding son)

It takes a lot to date a BP'er, patience, courage, strength, ingenuity, lack of fear....and a hundred more things I can come up with. If you guys have a good friendship, I'd vote to keep the good friendship. Your friend sounds like she has a way to go to get to a point where life is manageable for her, unfortunately she has to do that part by herself, no matter how much you care for her, you can't "fix" it for her. Support her, yes....so I would support her and encourage her to take the steps needed to get her life on track.....because it can be done, it's hard work, but it can be done. Take care.
Posts You May Be Interested In