You are a whole person and it's so good to be able to feel angry. The only people who aren't angry or negative are violent sociopaths. You have a lot of empathy.

Accepting the rage and acknowledging the source of your rage is a positive step in the right direction. Getting rid of the source is possible but not very likely.

You might be the source of your own rage. You described being upset with "V" over minor and forgivable character flaws. That might be a symptom of having bipolar disorder. Regulating your own emotions, especially your reaction to stress, is difficult.

In my experience, coping techniques only work x amount of the time, however, when I am as healthy as I can be they work more often. Best thing you can do is take care of your health first. If you have a therapist or psychiatrist, mention V's upcoming surgery and how you feel about it. Any surgery, especially a life or death surgery, is stressful. Things like that don't happen every day so it is very difficult to develop a coping technique for the...well...weird and unexpected emotions that situation can cause. I understand that you are coping with the feelings, the anxiety, fear, anger, and whatever else is on your mind. Your anger is normal and in my opinion does not 'stand alone'. What I mean is, you might feel angry and full of rage because you are slightly manic or experiencing anxiety. I know when I feel angry and I don't know exactly what's causing it, I try to 'assign' something to my anger. Saying to myself I'm angry at this or angry at that but neither of those things were the root cause of the anger. My anger happened to be a symptom of mania brought on by the stress of a family member having emergency surgery. So...that's why I couldn't get rid of the root cause.

I hope this makes sense. And I hope it helps.

Be well.

Thank you Alan. I understand everything you are saying.

I messaged my best friend about it and she brought some very helpful objective clarity to the situation. The way she put it was [paraphrasing here] "You have to ask yourself, is it offensive to your genuine self, does it feel wrong to every part of you, or is it offensive to your ego in a way that symbolizes a truer wrong?" And went on to say that, in layman's terms basically we get angry at the evil and wrong we identify in the words and actions of others, as it is the same evil of our own ego that we despise and want to rid ourselves of, and so we want to rid the world of it also, but we feel these things and don't think about them objectively.

I think to be able to identify a wrong you must know that wrong. I think people can only feel true love or true hatred for something that resonates with them empathetically.

The way my Bipolar plays into this is when I'm Manic, I don't have time to think. I'm overloaded with sensory information and it crowds my brain and creates the tunnel vision that turns my hyped-up-depression into concentrated hate.

I think my understanding of self and the way of people and things has done about as much good for the situation as it's going to at this point. /: I'm on Lamictal. It seemed to be doing a swell job at first, now I question whether it is any more effective than the placebo.

I think that's why I'm so patient with people normally and collected in arguments with most. I see people scrambling nervously and getting ridiculously defensive and I feel I have to show them that I will not hate them for expressing their opinion to me.

Because I'm always so apologetic and afraid of offending, I hate seeing others feel that way. lx

Plus if someone's raving manically you've got to not add to that.

With Vii specifically we both have Bipolar of the most severe kind, so we either mix really constructively or destructively. But I'm used to that with my close friendships. o:

Anger is a secondary emotion or an emotion that is caused by a primary emotion..
It takes a lot out of you so if you can find a way to address the primary emotion it would be a great gift to you!!

http://evolutioncounseling.com/primary-emotion-and-secondary-emotion/

Anger comes from not getting what you want. What is it you want in this situation?

I find my anger and usually rage come from my lack of forgiveness. I know this and I still have a hard time coping at times. I have begun to tell myself...this is eating at ME not THEM. If it is an act or a word I just have to accept we are all human. That does not mean I let people intentionally hurt me or put up with too much mean shit. But some people are flawed and others are cruel. I am learning to differentiate between the two.

I find working on myself over time - changing my triggers help. You used a phrase "coping skills only work x amount" That sounds like you accept and give yourself permission - to lose it.

If coping skills work some of the time, then you practise - LOL I catch myself after a rage/rant - then sometimes in the middle - but the times I catch myself before? OMG! Feels like miracle, instead of the baby steps and awareness that I was wrong.

After a blow up - I clean my side of the street ASAP - but I also reflect and just like Darken said - "what didn't you get" - I imagine myself throwing a tantrum, a baby in a high chair screaming, kicking, banging.... when I look at my own behavior, and can see it's not helping me or anyone else - well, awareness - things are shorter and fewer....

I'm a loud Italian - one year someone shared "When I start screaming, everyone quits listening..." guess I heard it at the right time, I am 99% not a screamer, or angry...

LOL A couple weeks ago I was, and I was amazed - the incident would have pissed me off months, unfair, etc, etc - and I went full circles with peace and laughter in less than 8 hours!!!! Woo hoo..

Good topic!!!

I saw the title of this thread and had to see if they've come out with a new strain of medical marijuana or some new use for electronic implants in the brain. Still a long ways to go I guess.

I see anger as a valid emotion. Many righteous changes in society have come about simply through organized and focused anger. I'm not saying that anger hasn't caused a lot of harm though.

Hate is the spawn of ignorance and anger. To me hate has caused much more harm, on the whole, than any other emotion.

I have no problem with people who express their anger. How else can the person communicate their distress if not heard when expressed more mutely? As mentioned by others there are many ways of dealing with anger issues.

It's when persons and or groups of persons express their anger and ignorance through hateful and organized acts of oppression and the murder of others that change for the worse happens in this world.

If we could sterilize ignorance through education and example then perhaps anger could be allowed it's own place to voice the injustices in life without breeding more hate. Not a cure but at least an inoculation to much unrest of the human psyche.

~may all hatred cease and let there be peace~

so good to hear your voice again fdl!