Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Seems like an odd title. Last week, I read an article about suicide committed by two mothers. One was searching on the internet about methods. I started to do the same and fell into a depression in which suicide seemed like the best outcome. I wanted to but stayed my hand after going to a veteran suicide crises chat line. I think these feelings come from bipolar, PTSD, MDD and GAD. I am writing because I can't believe how fast the change was (and dangerous). I reached out and what I was supposed to do per my therapist. Note that my therapist does not know, but I meet her later this coming week. Should I tell her? She will be disappointed... whenever something does no go well, "well I don't like that", or that she will only see me if I not "playing games". I feel like I should tell her but that will probably just bring me getting yelled at by her and no real help will be delivered. She is on a military base so the reporting standards a less.
Also, I will never go into the ER for SI/SA. I was taken there after taking pills and that experience left me much worse off and it landed me in the locked ward of a Psy Hospital for five days. So that is not an option.
So tell her, get yelled at? Or don't and live the lie. Which, I do all the time. I need a human to talk with that can't lock me up.
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Here is my new brother, copper :) He's so tiny! Moo and Tuck were ok with him on first meeting. Rocket due to his severe aggression will never meet Cooper.
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https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTDeA9Wxg/
Good for you working through this with tools that your therapist and you have worked out
If your therapist is yelling at you it might be time to think about getting a new therapist
I have suicidal thoughts at times as well and I hear you with regards to others having an impact on you.... This happened to me a few months ago
What I always tell myself is that a thought doesn't require an action and that it's simply a symptom
I try to have a rational conversation with myself and it helps me a great deal
I would be forthright with your therapist..... You shouldn't be formed unless your doctor or therapist believed that you are going to act on suicidal thoughts
I'm glad that you're here discussing it.....xo
If the relationship between a Pdoc and a patient seems to cause more problems than it does solution.....what's the point? Its a relationship that needs to be built on trust and the ability to talk about absolute truth....and you've never seemed to have had that with your Pdoc.
I think that BiPolar patients especially need to have that as others have mentioned suicidal thoughts and ideation are symptoms of our disease, and they can happen very quickly and be very strong and if you're not in a place or at an awareness where you can control them, then it's a dangerous dance to be in.
Take care,
Kat
I see my TDoc and PDoc on the military base still. Both are civilian but they work on two military bases, they only can care for those still in the Service. Both agreed to see me "off book." They agreed to this because I have seen them weekly for fifteen months (and sometimes as much as three times a week). I never had a choice of doctors, and I have been with them for so long that I decided to keep them. The TDoc and I don't see eye to eye often, and she has yet to give me real help. She said that she knows nothing on Bipolar Disorder, so she has never mentioned it nor helped me with it. This is not surprising as anyone that is bipolar is removed quickly from the military.
I find out more here than her (thanks).
I know now what to do when I go through one of these cycles. Thanks for the info. Does the depression last just a few days also? The suicide intentions lasted about eight hours.
Some bouts of Depression would come and go in days. Since I did ECT my Depression is more manageable and generally doesn't last more than a few days, its generally worse in the late fall and winter. I usually have a couple bouts that will stick me in bed for a couple days, just because I'm semi-retired and I let it. Its not a big deal if I don't socialize with the outside world so much.
But in the first 20 years of my BiPolar the Depression could literally kill me and almost did 5 different times.
These days I know how to work myself out of it, but that's because I have 30 years of Therapy (CBT, Cognitive, DBT, Dynamic) Coping Skills, Medication Management, Life Skills, Behavioral Therapy, Relaxation Therapy, Re-Centering and Re-Directing Skills....I also have Psychological Education on a Ph.d level. And lets not forget the 3 months of Electric Shock Therapy (ECT) 3 times a week (M, W, F) every week for 3 months....that had a lot to do with me being at the Stable point I am now.
So, ummmm yeah it can take a lot of things working together to get you to a point of stability, it depends on how bad things are, what your willling to try, and how hard your willing to work.
Personally I was at a medication resistant point with no will to live whatsoever, and a 19 year old son who wasn't willing to let me lie in bed and swallow a bottle of pills. He was very convincing regarding the fact that he and his 11 year old brother still needed mom around, so I checked myself into my Hospistal of choice, where I'd been 3 times previously. I spent 2 weeks talking with my Pdoc and the Hospital Psych Staff intensively on what we thought would work and what was we thought was a waste of time, and ECT was pretty much the only thing I'd never tried and the only thing that we thought would work. So that's what I did. During that 2nd week I basically spent 20 hours a day writing down everything I knew about my life, my son's lives and anything I wanted to remember about my past, because at the level they were planning, odds were pretty good there was going to be cognitive impairment. (Please don't take this as braggish) I have a High IQ, I'm what is known as a High Functioning BiPolar, when your in that Intellect Quotient, its more difficult to get your brain to react to ECT. The other problem was I already had a Seizure Disorder, my brain was somewhat used to having Grand Mal Seizures, so giving it more intentionally....well that was a tricky situation. We didn't really know what exactly was going to happen.
ECT was tough, going under general anesthesia, 3 times a week for 14 weeks with only a couple breaks in the schedule was hellish. Its not something I would recommend lightly....its an endgame type of procedure and most people don't have to do it for so long.
But its what gave me my life back, it gave me response to meds back and it gave me Depression free stability. And my freaky brain/body did not respond in a way any Dr. could predict....I have no cognitive impairment, I had memory issues and increased migraines while I was going through it, but none of it lasted. I had no long term memory issues. My IQ literally dropped by 6 points, lol, but that could be age. I did have more frequent migraines for about a year and my vision got significantly worse, but that was it.
So, there you go, that's my story and you didn't even ask for it, I'm chatty today. I will say a big point to my making it through that was the relationship I had with my Pdoc., he did not have privileges at the hospital, he had a Private Practice, but he was there through it all. I did 2 months of it In-patient and he was there 3 nights a week after his office closed to check on me, I did the last month Out-patient and he called me every night to check on me, he'd call my son to check on him. Kyle had been my Pdoc for 10 years and we both had a lot invested in that relationship one of the biggest things was that I trusted him literally with my life, and he literally led me to the decision that saved it. He hasn't been my Pdoc for a while, but he's one of my closest friends.
The relationship you have with a good Pdoc and Therapist can make a big difference as to how your treatment of your BiPolar goes. If you can't trust someone to help you or have your best medical/mental interest....how do you trust them to help you the best?
Sorry this was so long winded....
Kat