Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Life update, well SINCE I'VE NEVER DONE ONE OF THESE actually on the contrary Life. Account? Edict? Manifesto????? Fundamentals, Dynamics [which I use in tandem, not synonymously but mutually exclusively a lot] of my life.
Annnnnnywho.*sigh* My two female best friends are a shadow of their former selves in the friendly duties department. One of the two ran off with a boy, Ive heard from her all of twice, and seen her all of once in the past 4 months since, and our only communication objective was to work towards the common goal of finding her a place to crash for the night. The other will only correspond with you on the regular if youre a male figure shes interested in. *siiiiiigh*
And, dont get me wrong, not even for a second-- I advocate whatever it takes to make them happy while not at the expense of another [except maybe me], which, is why Im not raising hell about it. But for me it SUCKS.
And I have friends oplenty, a plethora, not to brag, [accumulated over the years] but they are, for the overwhelming majority, male. And with an exception of maybe 4 or 5 [I actually counted], Ive gotten many a love confession, or the equal lesser crush confession? And they all hit on me.
I dont know /why/, and, I dont mean to sound uppity, at all. I dont think its tooting ones own horn or massaging their ego to call it like it is, a genius is a genius, an innovator is an innovator, and so on and so forth. And most of my friends just so happen to like me. Haters gon' hate. Lol. [Yea, Im baffled at this phenomenon, too, Im right there with ye.]
But, male attention is lovely, males are gods gift to me. [Females as well, I think both sexes are equally as wonderful and they are both equally as appealing to me, Im not Gay or Straight Im PICKY] But.. I want a friend who actually wont hit on me, somebody who wont complicate me further, somebody with whom it doesnt have to be that.
And thats what Ive lost. I am crestfallen Somber. Lonely. The most human of all feelings and the most godawful feeling of all human feelings is a sense of loss.
I just want a friend. Just a friend. It's OK if you like me, or don't [Not that anyone here does in fact I'm sure not], not intending to make it sound like "I don't want any more friends with feelings for me", it's like how every square is a rectangle but not every rectangle's a square. I'd love a new friend, any friend. But a friend who could JUST be my friend and always be /just a friend/ would be something special and sacred to me.
It just seems like every girl, every woman has a best friend but me, and on an intellectual level I know that is a fallacy through and through, on so many levels, and is nothing more than a mere stereotype and an ideal, but it still kind of triggers a twinge of pain, a "sting" when I see best friends doing "best friend things". Spongebob and Patrick for instance. Beavis and Butthead. Ugh. Gonna stop thinking about this, now. >___
Annnnnnywho.*sigh* My two female best friends are a shadow of their former selves in the friendly duties department. One of the two ran off with a boy, Ive heard from her all of twice, and seen her all of once in the past 4 months since, and our only communication objective was to work towards the common goal of finding her a place to crash for the night. The other will only correspond with you on the regular if youre a male figure shes interested in. *siiiiiigh*
And, dont get me wrong, not even for a second-- I advocate whatever it takes to make them happy while not at the expense of another [except maybe me], which, is why Im not raising hell about it. But for me it SUCKS.
And I have friends oplenty, a plethora, not to brag, [accumulated over the years] but they are, for the overwhelming majority, male. And with an exception of maybe 4 or 5 [I actually counted], Ive gotten many a love confession, or the equal lesser crush confession? And they all hit on me.
I dont know /why/, and, I dont mean to sound uppity, at all. I dont think its tooting ones own horn or massaging their ego to call it like it is, a genius is a genius, an innovator is an innovator, and so on and so forth. And most of my friends just so happen to like me. Haters gon' hate. Lol. [Yea, Im baffled at this phenomenon, too, Im right there with ye.]
But, male attention is lovely, males are gods gift to me. [Females as well, I think both sexes are equally as wonderful and they are both equally as appealing to me, Im not Gay or Straight Im PICKY] But.. I want a friend who actually wont hit on me, somebody who wont complicate me further, somebody with whom it doesnt have to be that.
And thats what Ive lost. I am crestfallen Somber. Lonely. The most human of all feelings and the most godawful feeling of all human feelings is a sense of loss.
I just want a friend. Just a friend. It's OK if you like me, or don't [Not that anyone here does in fact I'm sure not], not intending to make it sound like "I don't want any more friends with feelings for me", it's like how every square is a rectangle but not every rectangle's a square. I'd love a new friend, any friend. But a friend who could JUST be my friend and always be /just a friend/ would be something special and sacred to me.
It just seems like every girl, every woman has a best friend but me, and on an intellectual level I know that is a fallacy through and through, on so many levels, and is nothing more than a mere stereotype and an ideal, but it still kind of triggers a twinge of pain, a "sting" when I see best friends doing "best friend things". Spongebob and Patrick for instance. Beavis and Butthead. Ugh. Gonna stop thinking about this, now. >___
i have come to the conclusion that i would like to find a wonderful blind woman, and then i will use my fijian eye-gouger and remove my eyes, and we can just exist in real feeling, removed from the concrete slab that is perception.
they say the eyes are the window to the soul, but i think it's obviously the heart that is the window to the soul.
eyes are just windows to our wants.
However [don't freak out everybody let me explain] I've studied LaVeyan Satanism [non-theistic, it's basically a philosophy system like Confucianism and Bhuddism than it is a religion] and Christianity alike, unbiasedly and I've decided that...
[this is just my humble philosophy, feel free to debate this with me or contend it or tell me I'm a nut case and I;m waaaay off base, that's cool too]
Pretty much everybody's wrong. [Well, virtually, practically, some people have figured out a balance that works for them..] I mean I hate to put it that way without saucing it up in sexier terms, but...
Call it what you want, "Light forces, dark forces" "selfishness, selflessness" "chaos and order" I have both and I embrace them, that being said...
I've not figured a perfect balance yet, but this whole shebang is one big balancing act, it takes a lifetime to perfect unless you're enlightened to an ungodly degree.
To be perfectly selfless or perfectly selfish would lead to being deprived in some way or another. there is a minute portion of people for whom that works out, but for most, the primary problem I see is....
people trying to banish, eradicate their selfishness and sins and desires altogether, and them people who try to [less commonly] give up generosity and kindness and focus ONLY on themselves, and they find it extremely difficult and frustrating.
My answer to this is because both are driving forces, to acquire for the self and to be of service to others and they're both naturally supposed to be present, and if you feel you're being too selfless or too selfish it's a mere imbalance, not a "I'm not supposed to feel this way at ALL."
IMO for someone to tell me their objective in life is to be totally selfless or totally selfish is a bit overkill but I'm not the most judgemental of sorts SO if it works for them, well who the hell am I to tell them their system is wrong?
that's my only real philosophy that I will stand by to the bloody end, "If it's not working for you: if you want different results, do something different, if it is, who am I to tell you to do differently?"
but if I just want to post something simple it does an auto hack job.