Clairabelle, I've done things like that before and then get accused of leading someone one. Yet The intention was never there.

I get that all the time, although I try to be as honest as possible about my feelings from the beginning. When my feelings change, as they ultimately do, I am honest about that as well. But I'm sure I send mixed signals - I'm so "back and forth" all the time and constantly questioning my actions because I'm so afraid of making a mistake and/or trusting my poor judgment and decision making. It's probably best for me to not be in a relationship. Since my divorce, I really question if I'm in the right relationship - I don't want to fuck up again. The meds haven't helped me there.

"but yeah, just try to be a good person. Bipolar is what we have its not who we are and if you try to be a good person you will be ok. i wish you and your man the best. ""

jonjuan25 - I like this.

I think it pays to go slow with relationships. I really do and build a friendship first. I think it helps to have someone who can give you some perspective on what they think you are going through if you can't see it yourself. my BF who I am not sure I will remain with, only seems to react to me a lot and doesn't seem to be able to e there for me at times. I think this is what I want but I also can't be so needy either.

Just thinking of a stat I heard recently. 50% of all first marriages fail, 65% of all second marriages, and 75% of all third. But I am not a statistic, I am a real person. My first marriage failed because I was an undiagnosed bipolar and my husband was undiagnosed Asperger's. It was a nightmare.

My second marriage is still going after 29 years, and intense struggles - good and bad. Hubby is major depression, and I am bpi. (so, Lou2, it is not about your diagnosis!). We went for marriage counseling 5 years ago, and he got help understanding my bp, and also him understanding my illness. I already knew he was pretty miserable, but stopped blaming myself and my behavior, and so did he. All relationships have ups and downs. I suppose there may be a few perfect marriages, but I have not known anyone with one.

Relationships take a lot of work, commitment and compromise! My parents have been married 61 years, and the last 5 have been the worst, because of something my dad said stupidly at a public function about himself. It seems ironic to stick together that long, and have the end be the worst part of their marriage. On the other hand, my mom could be forgiving, and my dad could apologize, but they are both stuck in near dementia, and that element of compromise is missing. I feel sorry for them.

I am not on meds, but my husband is. He didn't smile once for two years, when I slipped him some Seroquel. He smiled on the second day. Then I knew he was part of the problem. You say that your relationships fall apart from both sides, but then want to know how to handle the rejection. I am curious why you would feel rejected if you were the one bored and leaving?

I think blaming this on bipolar of any type is not the issue. It is about learning how to relate to people, to give, to accept imperfections and to communicate. Everyone has issues. But it sounds like you are jumping from person to person. What are you looking for? 6 months sounds like a drop of water in the ocean to me. You barely know the person. Are you attracted to the wrong kind of person, or are you being the kind of person someone would want to put energy into?

I think you really need some therapy about why you are in this state. It sounds like short term serial monogamy to me. You keep searching for the perfect person, but both you and your partner fall short.

I am not qualified to help you, so maybe I should just be quiet. But I think you need to look at love as being something more than someone to lean on and keep you amused. Commitment is part of the problem. Actions are probably another. My opinion, anyway.

angela53510: I keep searching for the perfect person, knowing that there are none, and setting myself up to be alone and die alone. I think my expectations are too high... but some things I cannot live with. Maybe it's for the best?

Clairebelle - I can relate to so much of what you wrote. I don't trust my own judgment or my intuition. What is intuition when you have BP anyway? I told my current boyfriend that I may just need a time out as the stress of dealing with this is getting to me. I am thinking I am stronger person without a relationship, though I never had much of a family or home life and it's something I want. So I don't know anymore. My self-esteem is greatly effected by depression and emotional problems from the past that I can't seem to resolve.

I think I would have a better chance of being in a better relationship is I knew the other person wanted the same things I did and was wiling to try and maybe even encourage me in that direction. That would feel good. Being with someone who had a bad marriage for 20 years and doesn't like living with anyone but tells me I need to relax and maybe it will happen, doesn't give me all that much to look forward to. So I think it's not just me but the kind of relationship and I also think that his issues and mine do not go well together. It hurts me a lot. So I think that is important too. Can you resolve or manage each person's respective issues within the relationship so it can move forward?

The odds are not on your side, with the statistics. The anwer could be yes, medicine may help to stablalize the moods and no to hinder your sexuality, the amount of sleep, and your energy level.

So I say toss a coin.

Yes! Being on meds has made me feel less energetic and then feeling like I have had less time to deal with parts of my own life. So there's that for sure in some cases.

I was just thinking that you have unrealistic expectations for a relationship. Perhaps you should make a list of things you want in a person, which are non-negotible, and which are just pluses. Look at people through those eyes. I don't think appearance should be a factor, because we want to use that as a starting point, but everyone changes as they age. It is about finding a person who is understanding, and can deal with your issues.

I don't want to see you be alone, unless that is what you really want. But there are a lot of issues going on here besides bipolar, I think. If 50-75% of all marriages fail, it is safe to say, that most of those are not because of this mental illness. Somehow I have managed to make it almost 30 years. I'll tell you - the first while is "in love'. All bubbly and fun and emotional. After that, you have to learn "to love". That means acceptance, flexibility and change.

Actually, I am not that wise, I just read it in the book, "The 5 Love Languages". My daughter wanted me to read it. I already knew what my and my husband's languages were - I should hope so after this long. I also know that my husband rarely speaks my language, but I have accepted it. I'm too old to start over, and besides, he is my best friend.

I am almost afraid to add what my experience has been because I may be attacked for not fitting into some category. I will tell you however it has been my experience that the longer I work on myself and getting well the better all of my relationships have become. I even got married a month ago nd we have been living together happily for over 2 years. We both have bipolar disorder and have never argued or even had disagreements as we are on the same path to wellness on a daily basis. I imagine we are not the majority and many have made comments that we will never make it but we don't care about what others say because we love each other and that's key to relationships,that and being mature. If I were you I would just relax and become friends and just see where life will take you, Good luck and God bless you.

@ Angela Yeah not in just relationships, I hold very high expectations and look too far into the future so when things don't go the way I want, in comes the irritation, anger, frustration, and depression. What you said I think made the most sense to me in this topic (no offense to anyone who was trying to help) and quite honestly I think marriage is the last thing on my mind. Aside from being so "young", if marriages tend to fail at a rate they do regardless of mental illness or any other illnesses then it won't be part of my plans. For now.

@ Sufferjet I think you are lucky to be with someone with BP. Find it rather interesting despite the success rate being farily close to nil. if it's working as well as it is there may be a great lesson to be learned. I wish you luck

Thanks all of you for you input and yes I've read EVERYTHING up to this point. :D