Oh yeah, the point of the "Bipolar or Not" title....

He wants me to change (so do I, obviously), but his thing is to say Bipolar or not you have to do this or that.

I think it's important for us to accept ourselves and to surround ourselves with people who will do the same. That's a universal viewpoint and not only for BPs. Good relationships are established between people who respect and care about each other. People who make demands and say they're not coming home because of who you are don't deserve consideration as a person deserving of your love or your life. Just my opinion!

Amen Tommy

great quote tommy....I concur

Relationships are hard enough then u add bipolar in it and makes it 100 times more difficult, i understand this my first marriage ended in divorce because of my mental status. It sucks hun but don't let it get you down.
CHA-CHA

I have tried to conform myself in every relationship that I have been in to meet the standards of what the guy wants. I have recently realized, fuck what the guy wants. What do I need? In a relationship or in a man? I want someone that I can be 100% myself around. It kills me to have to pretend all the time that nothing is wrong with me. I have gotten to the point where, "I am bipolar and deal with it. It is a part of who I am and if you can't accept that, then there's the door." I open up to very few people. You can tell right away who you can fully trust and who you can kinda trust. You want to be with someone you can fully trust. If you want me to change because of your needs and what you want, that is not gonna happen. I have taken a stand for myself. I am looking for someone I can fully trust and accepts me for me. Sounds like you fiance has a lot of growing up to do.

Hanna, I think you are a beautiful person with such a warm and caring heart. I am so sorry that he cannot see beyond the difficult part of the disorder. Conforming wont help you develope a lasting relationship as you will be very unhappy with yourself. I agree with Tommy, love yourself and just try to be the best you can be. Work with your therapist on your persepctive and good coping skills to help you through your episodes. I am sorry you are hurting and I hope things work out for you sweetie....xo

Mmmm, to look at it another way:

Loving a person doesn't necessarily equate with signing up to carry all their emotional burdens etc

It is super duper heavy going 'being there' emotionally for someone struggling with bipolar/with depression...to care about someone with any serious illness is difficult & wearing.

Arguably, it is better to save this stuff for pdoc/therapist...not to put it on (or dump it) your friends let alone lover! To try not to brief on every vicissitude of woe?

imho. but then I keep it separated, as best I can. Less wearing all round?

ppl have different concepts about what relationships entail...I don't much like the full disclosure/window to my naked soul style. that's all...so just for as different perspective

good luck figuring it all out

especially given the toll these things (bipolar) are known, have been demonstrated repeatedly- to have on the durability or lack thereof of relationships! Why test that theory? Carrying own burdens hopefully up the odds some?

Personally, I would NOT want to be with that person for even dating, forget being married. This illness is hard enough to manage and accept within ourselves, and if you want to truly be with someone, they should be compassionate and understanding. Some of the comments you posted imply he doesnt even care, or he thinks of it as a burdon on him which is the exact opposite of being compassionate.

what Tommy said.

I would side with lou2. We have to seek more support with those who understand what we're going through. This means we need to be in communication with other bipolar people. That is what this group is for. Therapists are good, but not all can afford them and finding the right one is difficult. Plus, we need more support than just one hour a week.

I'm not saying that we need to hide in our significant relationships. It's just that we have to show compassion for them as well, and dealing with "us" is difficult. Sometimes we need to put our symptoms and moods on hold and muster through rather stoically, the best we can. A partner waking up to their significant who is crying for days at a time is going to feel his or her own limitations. Some days we just have to stuff it and give them a break. Come on line, chat with people who understand and give our significants a time to be "normal" for them. IMHO