Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
http://www.lifeloveandbipolar.com/bipolar_disorder_and_divorce.html
Last time I post something in this manner, I was criticized for acting like a therapist and thinking I knew everything, when all I was doing is posting the contents of a URL as per the request of a friend. So I am clarifying this right now. I am not the one saying these things... rather I found the article useful and want to share it.
Bipolar disorder and divorce
An alarming 90 percent of marriages in which one partner is suffering from bipolar disorder end in divorce. The most obvious reason for this disintegration is the substantial social morbidity that results from the bipolar individuals maladaptive behavior. Serious social drawbacks associated with reckless behavior like abuse of alcohol or drugs, accidents from excessive risk taking, financial burden from over spending, inability to remain gainfully employed are have the potential to unravel even the most loving of relationships.
Of course, the daily interactions of manic-depressives can be a threat to any social relationship, including marriage, as bi polar people have trouble containing their emotions. Their response to a usual joke might be shockingly unexpected (an extreme of elation or depression). A word of mild reproof can bring thoughts of suicide. And so, it is not difficult to link bipolar disorder and divorce. Living with someone having the condition is very stressful and teeming with misunderstandings and conflicts. That is why diagnosis of a spouse with bipolar disorder has been called diagnosis for the couple.
Undoing the link between Bipolar Disorder and Divorce
To break the bond between bipolar disorder and divorce, the healthy spouse has to play the key role. Firstly the partner must believe that it is worthwhile to save the marriage (and the partner). The primary requisite is to understand that the manic-depressive cannot control their feelings. The caring spouse must be prepared to expend high doses of patience, understanding and support to protect the marriage.
Well managed long term control of the bipolar symptoms by qualified healthcare professionals can diminish the frequency and severity of manic and depressive episodes and stabilize behavior thereby greatly enhancing the quality of life of the bipolar person, spouse and family. The healthy spouse can contribute enormously by ensuring that treatment is sought whenever necessary and that medication is taken regularly. Any suicidal thoughts, remarks etc by must always be taken seriously and reported to the psychiatrist who may suggest some effective drug treatment.
The caring spouse should be a willing listener to partner's hallucination accounts without fear or judgment no matter how gruesome or unrealistic the details. One important way to lessen the bipolar risks in a marriage is to learn as much as possible about bipolar disorder or manic depression to be aware of what stresses are attributable to the partner being bipolar and how these could lead to divorce if not adequately managed.
Reminding the suffering partner that he is being loved and cared for helps a lot. Identifying events that trigger episodes of mania or depression is also important. Preventing these triggers would reduce the frequency of episodes and hence result in less social tension. To plan beforehand how to deal with a possible episode will help reduce the embarrassment on both sides. Ongoing emotional support and encouragement in treatment will eventually bring down the connection between bipolar disorder and divorce.
When reality doesn't meet our expectation especially in marriage its easy to apportion blame but no matter how bad the situation, changes are possible from both sides if the commitment is there to do so. Generally changes for the better from one partner will inevitably bring improvement from the other. Often what is missing is the "what" and "how to" knowledge. Amazingly our preparation for adulthood instills in us the sanctity of marriage but does little in the way of teaching how to hold it all together when things dont go according to plan. Divorce prevention strategies are sadly missing from our education. To fill this gap are a couple of easily accessible books worth trying. Here is one by marriage expert Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D Save the marriage or Save my marriage Today
Last time I post something in this manner, I was criticized for acting like a therapist and thinking I knew everything, when all I was doing is posting the contents of a URL as per the request of a friend. So I am clarifying this right now. I am not the one saying these things... rather I found the article useful and want to share it.
Bipolar disorder and divorce
An alarming 90 percent of marriages in which one partner is suffering from bipolar disorder end in divorce. The most obvious reason for this disintegration is the substantial social morbidity that results from the bipolar individuals maladaptive behavior. Serious social drawbacks associated with reckless behavior like abuse of alcohol or drugs, accidents from excessive risk taking, financial burden from over spending, inability to remain gainfully employed are have the potential to unravel even the most loving of relationships.
Of course, the daily interactions of manic-depressives can be a threat to any social relationship, including marriage, as bi polar people have trouble containing their emotions. Their response to a usual joke might be shockingly unexpected (an extreme of elation or depression). A word of mild reproof can bring thoughts of suicide. And so, it is not difficult to link bipolar disorder and divorce. Living with someone having the condition is very stressful and teeming with misunderstandings and conflicts. That is why diagnosis of a spouse with bipolar disorder has been called diagnosis for the couple.
Undoing the link between Bipolar Disorder and Divorce
To break the bond between bipolar disorder and divorce, the healthy spouse has to play the key role. Firstly the partner must believe that it is worthwhile to save the marriage (and the partner). The primary requisite is to understand that the manic-depressive cannot control their feelings. The caring spouse must be prepared to expend high doses of patience, understanding and support to protect the marriage.
Well managed long term control of the bipolar symptoms by qualified healthcare professionals can diminish the frequency and severity of manic and depressive episodes and stabilize behavior thereby greatly enhancing the quality of life of the bipolar person, spouse and family. The healthy spouse can contribute enormously by ensuring that treatment is sought whenever necessary and that medication is taken regularly. Any suicidal thoughts, remarks etc by must always be taken seriously and reported to the psychiatrist who may suggest some effective drug treatment.
The caring spouse should be a willing listener to partner's hallucination accounts without fear or judgment no matter how gruesome or unrealistic the details. One important way to lessen the bipolar risks in a marriage is to learn as much as possible about bipolar disorder or manic depression to be aware of what stresses are attributable to the partner being bipolar and how these could lead to divorce if not adequately managed.
Reminding the suffering partner that he is being loved and cared for helps a lot. Identifying events that trigger episodes of mania or depression is also important. Preventing these triggers would reduce the frequency of episodes and hence result in less social tension. To plan beforehand how to deal with a possible episode will help reduce the embarrassment on both sides. Ongoing emotional support and encouragement in treatment will eventually bring down the connection between bipolar disorder and divorce.
When reality doesn't meet our expectation especially in marriage its easy to apportion blame but no matter how bad the situation, changes are possible from both sides if the commitment is there to do so. Generally changes for the better from one partner will inevitably bring improvement from the other. Often what is missing is the "what" and "how to" knowledge. Amazingly our preparation for adulthood instills in us the sanctity of marriage but does little in the way of teaching how to hold it all together when things dont go according to plan. Divorce prevention strategies are sadly missing from our education. To fill this gap are a couple of easily accessible books worth trying. Here is one by marriage expert Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D Save the marriage or Save my marriage Today
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I find myself going places in the car and not wanting to get out of the car. I come back home and I don't want to get out of the car. I think it's the only time I spend reflecting. Chronic tiredness from Long Covid plus the immunosupressing meds for my Crohn's is slowing me down but everything just seems a massive effort. I am dealing with the paperwork following my father's death but it's not...
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Wow, it's the middle of the week already!Today is our 11 year anniversary, so we're going out to a nice dinner. I'm losing a lot of sleep these days, hence a wonky schedule and uncomfortable feelings. But I know it will pass, eventually.I hope all of you have a peaceful day, and may good things come your way!
my wife just couldn't handle the ups and downs when i'm up i'm great when i'm down i hardle get off the couch So it's hard not to totally blame myself for her leaving
I am absolulely numb and I feel so betrayed. I thought we had a good marriage. He says he still loves me very much and he loves her too and he will not be out of my life but how can that be?
That said, I am very concerned about this current relationships (we celebrated our 10th this year). Not because there's anything amiss, but because I realize just how hard it is to live with me, when I am depressed, psychotic or manic, plus I have chronic pain.
In essence, my husband married a young, energetic go getter and now has a broken person on his hands in need of constant watching over and care. For the past 4 months, I've been basically bed ridden with pain and bipolar/depression. My husband has done everything in the house, driven the kids to school etc. I worried he'd have enough.
here's what I found are the two key "elements" to staying happily married while being bipolar (and in chronic pain):
1) COMMUNICATION. Explaining exactly how I feel, sometimes in writing (helps because talking may lead to tears or defensiveness). The more he understands how BP feels, how mania feels, what depression feels like, the less strange it is and the more sympathetic he is and helpful.
2) INTIMACY. Many pain and BP meds kill your libido, but it's critical to maintain that physical intimacy and passion if at all possible, through the pain, in between the manic episodes. While love making on its own won't do it, the bond it continues to provide combined with intent communications protects the marriage, nourishes it, ensures it remains healthy even when I am clearly not.
I did not define "trauma" either, because the word covers so much territory. From environmental traumas, to birth traumas, to psychological traumas, to toxicological traumas.
At the quantum level of existence, nothing is "seperated" from any "thing". Every response is a connected response. To say that we have "faulty" genes is just another way of passing on superstition. So-and-so is a "bad seed". Isolate, intervene, contain, and control.
If I have the genetic potential for heart disease then so does everyone else. What makes the difference is a myriad of environmental, social, and personal variables. Everyone has the potential for mental illness, but it does not manifest unless the overall conditions are suitable to it. This is what is being avoided- the interconnectedness of ALL human activity. Were the experts to look too closely at mental illness, they might find material that they themselves do not wish to face.
If you all wish to go on believing that you are nothing but a set of behaviors randomly set off by grandpa's genetic code then so be it.
You will def be unhappy.
Here's a statistic for you: 100% of people who truly believe that their situation is hopeless based on expert opinion, WILL MAKE IT SO.
It is very discouraging and maybe a little irresponsible to suggest to people that all they can expect from this illness is divorse, pain, and misery. People who are in a vulnerable state of mind often believe statistical "analysis" and turn them into self fullfilling prophecies.
I have also read research. I have a background in research also but in another field.
The idea that it is trauma based starts to move us towards the idea that that a therapist can handle it, they can't, my late wife was an extremely experienced therapist that spent time working with the formost Jungian therapist in Brasil, and her view again was the need for a chemical intervention and therapy.
Right now I'm probably not the best person to talk about relationships.
I was never abused or traumatized, but have BP disorder, along with my mother and her father.
They've even located some of the genes involved.
Can I suggest a good book on BP disorder?