Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Okay I know I've said before that I don't understand the whole xannie/benzo hype, but I owe my life to them right now. One thing Xanax, Ativan, and similar drugs are very useful for is severe manic-depression episodes. You can't fix a down mood with downers, but if you're laying in bed fantasizing about injuring or killing yourself, one or two tablets will stop your train of thought before it arrives at the station (the station being where the idea becomes an action).
So if I've said anything discouraging about trying out an anti-anxiety drug, I'm here to revoke that and say that it's a potential miracle drug for crisis emergencies. (Hopefully some of you already know? Wish I'd figured it out sooner)
I don't know what's gotten into me lately, (just this one section may be triggering) but I've had a reeeeeeal bloodlust. Specifically for hurting myself, seeing my own body become mutilated. I guess no matter how far you distance yourself from counter-productive nonsense, it never stops being a part of you. Self injurious tendencies aren't "boo" from Super Mario, they don't go away when you turn to confront them, even if they seem "gone" enough, for a while.
(Keep in mind benzodiazepines- although I still don't get why- are, and have been proven to be, extremely addictive for many, so, just know.)
I don't like the whole out-of-body-out-of-mind feeling, still, but it's more easily tolerable if I take the medicine when my brain chemicals are in very high levels, during a "panicky" depressive episode.
Aside from that... My grandmother's letting me borrow her 30-year-old astronomy book. That I would read in the mornings before school when I was 10. xD I always am worried that my basic understanding of physics, chemistry. Etc. Is not enough to even try on such a complex subject. But I think if I read it cover-to-cover, I'll have a better understanding of the topic by the time I'm done with the book.
I just want to know everything. My love of knowledge and curiosity of the surrounding world seems distant and irrelevant more and more, as I become less easily amused, but... It too, is keeping me alive.
The stars don't care about my depression, in all their vastness. Apathy can consume a person's spirit, but it cannot consume the cosmos, those same stars and star systems that can captivate and invigorate a person's spirit.
Hopefully I'll be back in school soon also... Expect an update early October, heh.
(If I'm talking in a weird way, pardon that. I don't feel quite myself? My expression seems... Off to me, I dunno.)
So if I've said anything discouraging about trying out an anti-anxiety drug, I'm here to revoke that and say that it's a potential miracle drug for crisis emergencies. (Hopefully some of you already know? Wish I'd figured it out sooner)
I don't know what's gotten into me lately, (just this one section may be triggering) but I've had a reeeeeeal bloodlust. Specifically for hurting myself, seeing my own body become mutilated. I guess no matter how far you distance yourself from counter-productive nonsense, it never stops being a part of you. Self injurious tendencies aren't "boo" from Super Mario, they don't go away when you turn to confront them, even if they seem "gone" enough, for a while.
(Keep in mind benzodiazepines- although I still don't get why- are, and have been proven to be, extremely addictive for many, so, just know.)
I don't like the whole out-of-body-out-of-mind feeling, still, but it's more easily tolerable if I take the medicine when my brain chemicals are in very high levels, during a "panicky" depressive episode.
Aside from that... My grandmother's letting me borrow her 30-year-old astronomy book. That I would read in the mornings before school when I was 10. xD I always am worried that my basic understanding of physics, chemistry. Etc. Is not enough to even try on such a complex subject. But I think if I read it cover-to-cover, I'll have a better understanding of the topic by the time I'm done with the book.
I just want to know everything. My love of knowledge and curiosity of the surrounding world seems distant and irrelevant more and more, as I become less easily amused, but... It too, is keeping me alive.
The stars don't care about my depression, in all their vastness. Apathy can consume a person's spirit, but it cannot consume the cosmos, those same stars and star systems that can captivate and invigorate a person's spirit.
Hopefully I'll be back in school soon also... Expect an update early October, heh.
(If I'm talking in a weird way, pardon that. I don't feel quite myself? My expression seems... Off to me, I dunno.)
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I find myself going places in the car and not wanting to get out of the car. I come back home and I don't want to get out of the car. I think it's the only time I spend reflecting. Chronic tiredness from Long Covid plus the immunosupressing meds for my Crohn's is slowing me down but everything just seems a massive effort. I am dealing with the paperwork following my father's death but it's not...
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Wow, it's the middle of the week already!Today is our 11 year anniversary, so we're going out to a nice dinner. I'm losing a lot of sleep these days, hence a wonky schedule and uncomfortable feelings. But I know it will pass, eventually.I hope all of you have a peaceful day, and may good things come your way!
I have been following Horoscopes since 2001 and I feel that it comes true in the most unlikely of ways.
I always thought horoscopes were bullshit, looool. I never trusted the whole system until my long-time (3 years on and off) partner seemed to believe in astrology with dire importance.
I DO have a Mercurial nature, heh. (The ruling planet of Virgo being Mercury, and I'm a Cancerian moon as well -.- xD)
Astrology is pretty damning in subtle ways. Once you pay attention, you notice little things. The book I have is astronomy though, ahaa.
They don't do anything for the underlying bipolar - they do not stop mania merely (in large doses) sedate you.
They have a place in short term emergency use when someone is psychotic to give a few hours of quiet but long term use really is not the right thing for bipolar.
As with all meds there are issues with long term use.
Not so much hype actually more something it seems that is kept a little more quiet than you would expect.
Don't believe my word for it - it's better people do their own research on these things.
By the end of it all I was so batshit-radical about my beliefs on the meaning behind everything and the critical importance of analysis that I yelled at my mum that she was possessed and barricaded myself in the bathroom a couple of times. I spent like an hour planning out every single day in advance and rationed time spent on any given activity so precisely that I rarely enjoyed anything.
Which lead me to my belief now, that "straight-edge" (a drug-free life) mentality is extremely impractical, and for some, dangerous. My fear of pharms and personal irresponsibility was like the fear of god that religious radicals live with.
Not everything has to be done the hard way. There's not always merit in taking the longer route. When in doubt, make decisions based on personal experience and hard facts.
But also... Xanax doesn't make you wonky all the time. Tolerance builds as with everything else, the effects eventually become more back-ground noise than anything.
I agree with Fish. Do the research. If what you're doing with your life isn't working out for you, don't be afraid of other options, even if they are controversial. I.e. Medicine. The most rational thing is to not demonize or glamorize a drug, I feel.
I might've been wrong about you being impatient, you seem to be more dedicated to your wellbeing and you're treading carefully. Proud of you Sunny, I think you're on your way.
Mood stabilizers and electroconvulsive therapy being safer than narcotics (some) eh... Debatable. Not sure I agree, but I get your drift now.