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Looooong story short. I live with my Mom, Grandma and 2 kids. I pay more in rent than either my Mom or Grandma get from SSA. I have NOWHERE to go in this house other than my "bedroom"....the couch. Not even somewhere else to sit. There is a bedroom in the basement, and it is beyond filthy. My Mother and I planned to clean it out today so I have somewhere to go when she invites guests over that I cannot stand. I confirmed this plan last night before she went to bed.
I wake up this morning, get my cup of coffee, start mustering up motivation to clean and there's a phone call. Guess who? 1 of the 3 people that I cannot stand. Whatever....but I overhear my Mother talking about how another 1 of the 3 I can't stand is coming over today, then she invites 2 of the 3 I can't stand over. Now, all 3 of 3 are coming over today.
She doesn't tell me that any of them are coming over, and she knows that I despise them....until I get up to express my frustration that now I cannot clean the bedroom, there are 3 people I despise coming over and I have nowhere to go and that I pay too damn much in rent to be kept in the dark about a serious trigger. She tells me, finally, 2 1/2 hours before they are all due here that they are coming over...and "I don't know what you want to do, but you can just hang out in my room if you want."
Yeah, this is the short version....sorry so long. But now, I'm stuck in my Mother's bedroom for the next 6-9 hours. I'm so full of anger that I'm shaking and my lip is twitching. I took a benzo before, hoping that it will help.
Any other advice??? Please???
I wake up this morning, get my cup of coffee, start mustering up motivation to clean and there's a phone call. Guess who? 1 of the 3 people that I cannot stand. Whatever....but I overhear my Mother talking about how another 1 of the 3 I can't stand is coming over today, then she invites 2 of the 3 I can't stand over. Now, all 3 of 3 are coming over today.
She doesn't tell me that any of them are coming over, and she knows that I despise them....until I get up to express my frustration that now I cannot clean the bedroom, there are 3 people I despise coming over and I have nowhere to go and that I pay too damn much in rent to be kept in the dark about a serious trigger. She tells me, finally, 2 1/2 hours before they are all due here that they are coming over...and "I don't know what you want to do, but you can just hang out in my room if you want."
Yeah, this is the short version....sorry so long. But now, I'm stuck in my Mother's bedroom for the next 6-9 hours. I'm so full of anger that I'm shaking and my lip is twitching. I took a benzo before, hoping that it will help.
Any other advice??? Please???
Did you and your mom work on cleaning up the filthy room in the basement as planned or did that get scrapped because the 3 visitors were coming over?
If I were in your shoes, I would harness all the anger and frustration over the situation into cleaning that room to provide myself a sanctuary of sorts. I'd also be seriously thinking about other living arrangements.
Hang in there!!
If I could just go and clean the room myself, I would. My Mother is a hoarder (among other things) and the room is mostly her things. She won't allow me to clean it without her, and she had to focus on cleaning the upstairs in order to have company over.
It's best for you if you move out. No doubt about it.
But if you're like me, that's not an option.
My Pdoc told me to stop helping my mom and my gram. The considerable stress wasn't good for me.
I was the only one there to help them. What the Hell would they do, if I didn't help them?
(Pdoc was right, though!!! It wasn't good for me, LOLOL!!!)
Oh, Lord!!! Does she have to be a hoarder, on top of it all!!!? That will probably slow things down considerably.
It's probably too late to do this now, but I would have went down into that room when her friends got there, whether she liked it or not, LOL!!!!
YOU'RE paying the most of the rent over there!!! I think it's time for you to speak up and say that, seeing as you are kicking in the most, you are going to start having more say about what goes on.
If your mom says that it's her house, remind her that that's through your good graces and that you'll look for other living arrangements if she would prefer that.
Pitching stuff without her approval is probably out of the question, but maybe you could at least start sorting things, so that she'll be able to go through them more quickly when the time comes.
I'm glad you took refuge in your mom's room!!!
That sounds like a much better deal than socializing with the 3 Weird Sisters from MacBeth, LOL!!!!
I'll be very happy for you when you get that room!!!! And put a lock on the door, LOL!!!! (((((Hugs)))))
as for u taking care of them , it's NOT ur problem , it shouldn't be held over ur shoulders , it's NOT ur burden , ur kids are ur priority , not the parents and G ma ....
{ my mom does that shit } they would just have to move like u will have to or like said above , got to be some sort of agreement !
as for hording, I've watched those shows and touching her stuff w-o her would send her into a manic mode... Lords knows u have enough...
so many options for u Hanna ... write the good and the bad down and decide ... writing and seeing it wrote helps me. I hope it could help u too. Just MY opinions , like they say " opinions are like assholes ... everyone has them " lol
I"m here if and whenever u need me ! xoxox
Always Silky ~
Anyway....as for moving out....My kids have been complaining about moving too much, understandably. My 12 year old daughter actually talked to me the other day about how she doesn't want to move again. My 9 year old son has BP and, understandably, it's a trigger to move and start a new school...plus the school has to figure out how to handle him. When I look at apartments, I look for apartments or houses for rent in this school district. I have yet to find one....plus I need to save up for security....plus I need to have a $3,000+ dental job done....and I have $0 saved so far.
Even if I found something, it would not still be there when I finally save up enough money for it. Doomed.
I hope that you get that room soon and that it helps a lot to have a space of your own.
Blech. I hate 'rock and a hard place' situations!! (((((Hugs)))))
is this feasable for you to do?