I would just come clean on this appt., sometimes we hear voices and sometimes we see things that aren't there - that doesn't mean they are going to shove you into hospital. If you want to get the correct meds I would just explain all your symptoms. Good luck to you and let us know how your appt. went....Maria J.

My psych is always keen to find out about personal setbacks or fears. I had a friend die recently and it is obviously a cause for concern. Considering that the illness is wedged in with circumstances termed as Life Events.
Your grandma's situation is understandably stressful...and for you to convey this to yr pdoc would be beneficial for them to accurately gauge what help you need.

You can hold back whatever you want...but then you need to remember this too. So you can measure it up for the future.

What I found helps is to actually challenge yr pdoc...tell them what you are concerned about and how the actions they take may add to your stresses.

Remember also that they have seen many ill people. This does not mean that they are perfect. It just means that you have to keep communicating and try to be honest with them.

I've told mine about voices, hallucinations..as well as getting drunk or stoned in a vain attempt to distance myself from me.

All the best to you.

You're both very right, I'll let him know everything so I can get the right meds. I'm still scared but I'll do it because I want to feel better. I can't stand feeling this way anymore. If the only way to get better is to suck it up and be totally honest I'll do it even if it scares me. It's probably just the paranoia talking this morning. Thank you both very much for your replies, I think I just needed a little reassurance that it will be okay. :-)

If you dont spill it, you can not get help.

thats not a good place to be.

How true that is. When I tell my pdoc of voices he doesn't seem very interested and he never asks me to go to the hospital. But he does when I am homicidal or suicidal.

Be brutally honest and hold back a little. That is if you want to play that game.

You are paying a Pdoc to get you better..yes?
So be as honest as possible.

the reply number 5 from screwtape..that's been my experience also..my Pdoc isn't overly concerned about voices..it's the thoughts of suicide that concern him more.

I think the reaction may be because I live in a rural area where "severe" problems aren't dealt with often. I tend to scare people around here, even the doctors. :-( You make a very good point dancing, I do pay him! lol.

It sounds like you are living through a "mixed" state of BPD.
I would tell my doctor everything. There might be a med solution that could be bypassed if you hold back information.
Susan

The pdoc upped my Depakote and added in Gabapentin for anxiety. He was actually pretty understanding and reassuring. I really like this new guy, he doesn't want to over-medicate me and he doesn't make me feel like I'm some abnormal weirdo. I was really nervous this morning but talking to him about it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Thanks for all the support guys! :-)

the best way to get help is to BE HONEST with your pdoc and tell him or her what is going on-good luck!

Tell pdoc you're nervous x

I have no good advise about your appt but I just want to let you know that my grandmother was diagnosed with bladder cancer and given 3 to 6 months to live. 6 months later they said another 3-6 months. 6 months after that they said "Any day now" . She lived 4 years after her diagnosis. Although her last 6 months to a year were rather aweful we still had more time with her than expected. In that time the family pulled together and made her time special. My aunt even had a slumber party for her where all female relatives from accross the country came over to have some fun. Granny loved it. Enjoy her while you can!!!!

here is my opinion...you are aware of what you know about yourself and what you are going through, which is a big step, if you were not aware of it before. if you are honest to your pdoc about this (maybe even share your post), i doubt that you would be sent anywhere but home with some adjusted meds.
coming 'clean' with your doc might be scary, but that is what they are there for and they need to know the truth, and if you cannot trust him/her, then you may need to find another pdoc.
BE HONEST...the first thing I was told by my therapist was that the people that had the worst issues were the ones that said they didn't have any...then she worries...

keep in mind, that the mind is a very complicated systems of wires that sometimes may go haywire due to biological issues, brain chemistry and pre-disposed characteristics due to family members passing down certain 'traits', so there is no reason to worry about being hospitalized if you take that stance instead of focusing on all of the specific issues that have stemmed from these other factors.
hallucinations can occur under many circumstances, be they visual or audible, from insomnia, stress...

I am no pdoc, but the mixed state makes sense to me.
I am all over the map; TOTALLY rapid in my cycling...depression to the extreme then the feeling that I can take on the world, then rage- like smashing things to pieces and feeling gratified by it (i have learned to turn my rage- and i mean RAGE- on to ininimate objects, or smash fruits and veggies against the tree in the front yard to relieve it, so it is a win-win: i get to get some rage out, and the animals can eat the food. )

It is totally natural for you and anyone else with or without an 'imbalance' to have these occurances happen under the stress you are feeling over your grandmother. (i am sorry to read that)

here i am quoting you :

....I've started to have chunks of time "disappear". My memory is totally dysfunctional, I can't remember anything lately. I've had some really anxious days and really paranoid days. I've been having racing thoughts, high energy, hyper-sexual; and yet cry for no reason, feel hopeless, and hate myself (mixed state?). ...

do not try to diagnose yourself under stresses that are known (or may be known) to your pdoc.

BE HONEST...if you hide something you will be lying to yourself, as holding back with someone who has experience with these issues, as well as the empathy and support (if you allow yourself to feel safe and know that there are no white-coated people waiting outside to take you away), you will be only harming yourself and adding more crap on top of the pile of crap that is already there.
think of it this way:
paranoia...everyone has that from time to time, yours is just a little more accentuated due to stress
memory loss/lapse in memory...during times of great stress, sometimes this is a coping mechanism FOR MANY PEOPLE, not just people 'like us'...it will happen out of the blue, whether it is a swift onslaught of stress or an accumulation over a period of time coming to the breaking point...it is natural, but may be accentuated due to your wiring
as are the racing thoughts, the random crying, the feeling of hopelessness (or is it that this may be triggered by the fact that your grandmother is ill...)
think about that...how would anyone else feel with knowing what you know about your grandmother?

I would feel reckless, desperate, angry, restless, fatigued, paranoid; i would feel as though i have no control over the circumstances that have been laid out in front of you. i assume you are not getting enough sleep, due to the racing thoughts, which leads to all the other things that are occurring.

PLEASE BE HONEST WITH YOUR PDOC. you have nothing to fear but yourself, when it comes down to the wire.

don't let it get there. just print out these pages, especially the part that you's posted and hand it to him/her.

I did that, myself, with a poem i wrote and i felt better because i was afraid to express it in any other way.

take care of you and your heart and be honest with others about your mind...your heart would not ache unless your mind told it to...

i am hurting too, but this is the advice i wish i could hear, so i hope his is helpful for you, as it is cathartic for me.

please keep me posted on how you are doing. i read several posts and yours was the first one i responded to.

be true to yourself. you are brilliant. you are unique. you are whole...if you are honest with those who are there to help you.