Some of these things I do plan on talking with my pdoc about. Only up until recently, I've not felt comfortable with or agreed with a pdoc. Well, it's actually the first time I ever got along with a pdoc. I've felt strong conspiracy theories in the past and md's. Actually, I think there will always be a part of me that does. I'm getting way off track here......

This afternoon, the guy that I get mulch from sent one of the guys that works for him to make the delivery. Since then, I feel like someone, possibly him, is going to break into the house and try to kill me or one of my sons. Can't seem to get the thoughts out of my head This isn't the first time I felt like this, it happens often. I've seen black figures before, I've heard chatter and voices, my name being called. I've seen things move that shouldn't, I have lapse in memory, I've thought that my immediate family was plotting against me. There's more, it's enough, too much. I haven't shared most of this with anyone until now. Point is, I've had this absolutely, total realization moment. I've been in denial, and will go back there again, about my illnesses. About the seriousness of some of my actions. The police brought me to the hospital 2 times in the last year. Four hospital stays.....and dare the word, denial, even enter my vocabulary. My God, what and where have I been???? I'm scaring the shit out of myself......