Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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Suninbloom 04/03/2009

I feel like pushing everyone I love away from me. I feel like I wish I were dead. I'm so full of stress.

I did a bad thing when I was a teen and I've been suffering the concequences ever since. I was abused throughout my whole childhood and I abused another person.

I've forgive everyone in my past for the terrible things they've done to me. Even my dead father. I wish people would forgive me and stop torturing me.

I'm 48 years old. I feel like I've got a life sentence.

I'm not the person I was as a kid. When I moved out of my parents home at age 18 and got married I was already carrying a baby. When I realized how fortunate I was to have the privelege of giving birth it opened my eyes that God did not reject me like my parents did.
That I had a chance to give love.

My kids love me, my grandkids love me, my partner loves me.

But, there are people who spread horrible rumors about me no matter where I go.
I can't live like this anymore.

deleted_user 04/03/2009

My psych told me that I am not responsible for other people's feelings! I am carrying baggage from my teen years and that statement was a revelation. Think about it really hard. They are the ones carrying the grudge; not you. Live your life and stop worrying about other people. You've done all you can to prove to them you are a decent, God-loving person. That's all that matters.

Suninbloom 04/03/2009

Thank you so much. I needed the support badly and you have made all the difference in my life. As well as in the lives of those who love me.

All it takes is one person to change the whole world.

God Bless You Too

deleted_user 04/03/2009

Brenny is so true. Forgive yourself and they are the ones that have issues to work through, Sending peace in your heart.

silentnight 04/03/2009

suninbloom 'if the people who matter dont mind, it doesnt matter about the people who mind'

i wish I could follow this logic myself :(

best of good wishes to you :)

deleted_user 04/03/2009

You can only change yourself.

deleted_user 04/04/2009

after being through so much crap in my life i now realize that what matters is what God thinks of me and what i think of me.....suninbloom, don't worry about what these people who are judging you and spreading rumors about you are thinking, i know it's hard sometimes, but i always think, who is going to be with me someday when i die, certainly not the fkrs who have judged me in my life, God will be with me, and i will be with myself...and it is only those 2 i have to answer to. your children love you, and your partner, and your grandchildren, and that is what matters that the people you love, love you .....the hell with the one's who are judging you......a big hug for suninbloom! we love you too! hugs, maggie

polarbare 04/04/2009

The 1st thing I would do is ask the people sharing the rumors with you to stop. If they did this, you would not have to deal with the emotions that ensue... like others have said I agree that the people in your life who truly love you and you seem to have many to focus on... this alone tells you are loveable....

I have seen shows like Dr Phil that show a mind of a teen versus an adult and how many areas of the brain are yet to develop.. evidence that the judgement of teens is impacted.. I too made horrible decisions as a teen and even early twenties that have affected my life negatively... all we can do is look at what positives we have and forget the negatives.. live in the present and focus on the future... and most important forgive yourself for stuff .. abuse is learned and as long as you have ceased the behavior your a winner... and a survivor yourself of alot.. be proud of you and enjoy the life you lead now... ((hugs)) polar

deleted_user 04/04/2009

Life is full of rumors. Be your own person, and don't allow others to get to you. It sounds as if you have had a lot of trauma in your life. Therapy should help heal, but it takes a long time.

deleted_user 04/04/2009

You can't "fix" other people. They have to do it themselves. You are only responsible for you and you have done that.

If you feel better confronting these people then go for it. But usually that just produces more stress and pain.

If you can let it go and not let their opinions affect you, it would be a much more peaceful way for you.

As far as your thread title, are you familiar with the Eastern concept of maya or illusion? They believe everything in this world is an illusion and that includes hell. It only exists here because mankind has created it and if we turn around and look at it again, it will appear entirely different.

The point is, it appears to be hell because you are allowing it to affect you in that way. You can confront them or let it go, either way, the appearance or non-appearance of hell will be changed.

Suninbloom 04/04/2009

Illusions! YES!

I was ok after reading the posts and having a little nap. It's heaven for me right now.

Thank you for guiding me when I thought there was no way back.

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