It might be nice to find a safe quiet place or the total opposite depending on what you prefer in your mania to escape. It sounds like you don't really want to be alone but you have to be alone at certain times.

Try picking out a place,maybe a library that you can go when you want to be alone.

For me, I can get lost in Lowes Hardware. I don't know how to work all of the tools or other items so I can walk around lost in myself and the tools I don't understand. I walk around reading how they work or what they may be used for. I like the really expensive sections because I'm not tempted to purchase. At the moment, I can't purchase. Either way I don't fall into the trap of purchasing a lot during my mania if they are too expensive for me.

Sometimes I leave with a plant. Sometimes I don't buy anything, I just enjoy looking at the interesting tools and all the things they are capaable of doing.

It's an awful feeling when BPD interferes with the normal course of our relationships to the point that we avoid them out of fear of hurting others or becoming hurt but I think it's better to love even though there are those unpredictable mood swings. Take care of yourself and love yourself first though. Be yourself whether you feel good, bad, or indifferent. Also, having a partner who is educated about BPD is utmost important and they would tell you that hiding your feelings isn't right. Discuss what is going on inside your head with your partner and bring the facts into light. There's a lot to be said for talking. Hehehe
We can't stop living because of BPD. Let's fight for our right to have relationships.

I have relationship problems also. When I'm depressed, I'm irritable, but when I'm manic I get angry and fly off the handle. I just feel like its easier to stay by myself, but that's really no way to live. We want other people in our lives, its just that some of us have to work harder at making them successful.

Flower and Loveinbloom are right, a lot of communication with those around you and a place where you can retreat to when you need alone time and make sure people understand what you're going through. Its better than closing yourself off from relationships because of your illness.

I find that I have to have time by myself. Don't feel bad about stuggling with other people. I have the same problem. I have to take people in low doses. I might enjoy lunch with my mom for a couple hours and then not see her for a few days. But, I realize that I can really enjoy my time with people when I do it on my terms. If your family and friends are aware of your mental health problem they might be able to support you. Don't give up on relationships. Try to surround yourself with people that can support you. Don't let your mental illness rule your life, just work around it. Best wishes.

thanks so much for your responses i thought i was alone, i go jogging or i ride my bike with my music on and that's what you do too which makes me so happy cause i thought i was being selfish by trying to be alone all the time :) thanks for your responses and i have another question, should i tell my parents and friends?

BP's are moody and sensitive. We feel things extra deeply and stuff. My husband can tell you firsthand the up/down helll I've put him through. "I love you"--"I've never loved you". And dead-pan too. When you throw a fit and say something like that there's an element of doubt, but not with me. I was calm a d insisted. We almost divorced like three times, but he loves me so much. He understands that I have mood swings and that my feelings can be inconsistent and unpredictable. He knows I have a illness and sees the struggle. Plus it's not ALL bad. We do have good times. The hard part is living without the "high". I miss that euphoric feeling of falling in love- you know, when the relationship is new. Things are nice but even keel in my marraige, and even keel is only tolerable with lots of medication. (I'm taking lots of medication)

My family knows about my diagnosis because I was hospitalized. My husband called my family and told them. I was in for 3 weeks. My brother drove 2 &1/2 hrs to see me in the hospital at least twice. Another Brother came to visit me who lived about a half hour away- he brought me some books. My husband came to visit me even though I had been telling him that I was gay and I never loved him. Myother-in-law bought me clothes to wear in the hospital. And even my Step-Mom payed me a visit. People really pulled together for me. And let me to you something: My family puts the Dys in Dysfunctional. We do not have rosy histories, but the big picture is we care, and knowing that about something like this was liberating.

My Dad had seen it coming for some time. I didn't like having to admit he was right, but he treats the subject with gentleness and respect. None of them are in family of BP support, but they ask how I am and lend an ear. I love my family all the more for the way they've not judged me or treated badly in any way for this. I feel closer to one brother who struggles with depression. If you decide to tell your family, you may be surprised at their support or lack of surprise.

thanks for the reply, before this site and before being diagnosed i truly thought i was a freak for the way i felt, but now you guys are being my rock, thank you all so much

By my choise I lived most of my life by myself and will continue to do so. Iv been blessed with wonderful family and friends and even though I enjoy company I also enjoy my own company. And I give from over flow and not from the core.
I dont forsee pdoc wanting to marry a BP'er nor a client and I wont place anyone outside of in home care agentcy in position of watching over and assisting this patient. Other than my pdoc and medical staff already being edu and skilled,I dont think my friends need for me to edu them nor alter nor effect thier lives and thier family lives. They simply undertand that I may cancel partys are lunchons are I might leave them sitting in my ft rm while I go take a nap.

Have you spoke with you pdoc about a mood stablizer ?