Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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HannaHana 11/05/2009

For years I've been trying to get it through to my now fiance what BP is about, and why I feel the way I do sometimes. He being a "normie" obviously doesn't get it. Not that he doesn't try.

His most recent argument with me was that being sick is my own fault since I refuse to use an online pharmacy. Call it paranoia, but I just don't trust them and I would probably create more anxiety and symptoms if I tried it. But he blamed me! Flat out said "it's your own fault that you're sick"

I don't want to bring him to any therapy sessions b/c they're always all about him and how to cope with living with a controlling saner. I just don't know how to live with him. I love him, but where do I draw the line? He's not supportive and has even said to "let him know when I'm suicidal so he can leave" He threatens to leave me at least once a week. I'm at a complete loss.

deleted_user 11/05/2009

sorry to hear that hanna some times i get the same

deleted_user 11/05/2009

You mentiond you don't use online pharmacy; does that mean you don't take meds at all?

Tirian 11/05/2009

is there anyway you could start therapy together? with someone completely new?

deleted_user 11/05/2009

I am sorry Hanna, my wife has never treated me like that. I know it's not what you want to hear but I don't think this is the guy for you.

Having said that however, I don't know your situation at home. I know how difficult I am to live with and my wife went to therapy by herself to learn to cope with me. I would suggest your fiance do the same if he truly wants to be with you.

deleted_user 11/05/2009

Why does he think an online pharmacy would be the answer? And I get the "normies" who give me "solutions" all the time. I know it's hard for them to understand but it's real and if they don't get it then it's really difficult for them to understand. And you need a good support system. I'm not going to tell you to leave him but sometimes those relationships don't work - it didn't work between me and my husband. He told me "It's your problem - you deal with it - I'm sick of it." I honestly don't regret the divorce because I needed a caring, understanding person in my life - not someone who would drag me down all the time -I'm already being dragged around by this disorder as it is.

deleted_user 11/05/2009

You (and all of us) need a good support system. This guy sounds very uncaring to me. I agree with amanda who suggested that you go to therapy together, at least for awhile. Don't allow yourself to be an emotional punching bag. Best of luck to you!

deleted_user 11/05/2009

Hanna you are a gem and deserve better. You know none of the crap he says is true, right? I know ... I know ... it still hurts. You can try taking him to some therapy sessions. That would most likely help. Be aware though, not all therapists willl allow this. I had one that didn't and sacked him for that. Bringing my wife to therapy to help her understand has been very helpful for us.

deleted_user 11/05/2009

BPD is something you will be dealing with the rest of your life. Be sure now, before you're married, that you are with someone who can understand and support you through your illness. Having BPD is NOT YOUR FAULT. It is a chemical imbalance in your brain and is a chronic disorder. Therapy may help but if it doesn't, please, find someone who will treat you lovingly.

deleted_user 11/05/2009

I must admit that I don't know the whole story, or even how long you have been together, so this is just my opinion on what I have just read.
What a f'ing jerk!!!!!! Never never should you be treated or talked to in such a way. It really makes me angry and very sad for you or anybody else who has had to deal with such BS.....
We don't need anyhelp beating ourselves up, we do it just fine on our own.
You deserve someone who does their best to understand and love you unconditionally.
All my best wishes for you Hanna. Pinky

deleted_user 11/05/2009

I agree with LaPinky that we don't know the whole story, but from what I have read here and in some of your earlier posts, this guy sounds like he does not support you in the least. I know it is hard for someone who does not suffer from BP to understand us, but making a remark like, "Let me know when you're suicidal so I can leave" is so not cool. I don't know what the answer is since thus far I have not been able to make my husband understand what it is like to be us and he frquently says things to me like. "If you are suicidal then hurry up and do it." I think you deserve better than what you're getting, but that is just my opinion.

HannaHana 11/05/2009

I've been told time and time again that he's likely not the one for me. He threatens to leave me on a weekly basis. I told him to go ahead and leave, but that's not what he really wants. I don't know why he continues to put up with my bullshit if it is ruining his life as much as he makes it seem.

I am going to suggest couples counseling to him this evening, he'll probably agree that we need it...but if it costs us any money he won't do it.

Thank you all for your replies. I dread every day that he comes home for fear of what his mood might be. Every Friday we get into a fight b/c it's just the 2 of us all day long. We'll see what tomorrow brings too.

jeansmind 11/05/2009

Sounds abusive to me. Very controlling and he obviously does not know how to LOVE unconditionally.....You know this though....Dont you??? Yet you still give him chances to prove you wrong....Well, If I were you, I would start imagining my life without him, try to start feeling empowered with yourself and in control of your life....Sounds like he can be the fuel for the fire for making you sick..... Just an observation from someone who was married to a controlling bastard.

deleted_user 11/05/2009

If he was just a passerby and saw the way another man was talking to you and the words he spoke, would he jump in and stop it?
If so, then he shouldn't do it either.
If not, well, then, he should go.
Good luck with your counseling tonight.
(hugs)

HannaHana 11/05/2009

It FEELS abusive, but then again, most of what he is saying pertains to what "I need" to get better. I think, in his own way, he's trying to help me. He just doesn't understand well enough what will work and what won't. I can't say I'm fully innocent either. He is stuck in this life with me and he suffers too. I'm not too ignorant to see what my illness is doing to our relationshit.

He certainly doesn't word things right. Very unsupportive and very self-centered. This is his life too, after all. He's sure to point that out to me every time he talks to me.

KimChick 11/05/2009

Hanna, I think that in your heart you know that he is not the man for you. He treats you like crap, and I have told you that you deserve soooo much more. You're really not happy with him, no matter what kind of excuses you try to make for him.

He really does not treat you well, and he's just downright abusive to you. How sad that you dread him coming home. You're not even married yet. That's gotta tell you something.

:(

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