Mental illness is tough like that ((((BIG HUG))))

I hold on to family, dogs, whatever gets me through...

Pain is inevitable, suffering can be lessen... Depression is powerful, its job is to discourage and kill us. we have to fight, hold on for me pray, wish, keep doing the next right thing.... it can be exhausting.

Can you change meds, or therapy, support groups? I know its hard, but we can TRY and improve, or again - not suffer.... Glad you here, with us - we understand.

(((((Allie))))) You are in a difficult emotional state. Of course your loved one's are important to you but you are important as a human being also. You have to look for what gives you joy in life and motivates you. I used to think that being a mom and wife were all I wanted in life. Once I began to explore all the other areas of my life and find things "I" enjoyed doing for me, I had a much different focus.

Try to do some things that take your thoughts away from this. Do you have a friend you can confide in, a family member, someone who will listen and care? Try not to feed into the depression but walk out of it........tough, I know. You can get through this!!!!! xo

Can you call a crisis line? I know that it is tough right now. We have all been where you are right now. It sucks. But hang on. Find one thing to hang on to. Call the crisis line and just chat with them for a while. Sometimes there is hope to be found at the other end of the phone.

I have felt that resentment...but when things turn around for me...always glad that they kept me going and always glad to be with them. Try to hold on. I hope you feel better soon. :) X

I can really relate right now, Allie. There has always been this horrible place between solidly depressed and actively, intentionally, plotting suicidal.

I've been flirting with that horrible place for a few weeks now. It's a place where I don't want to be completely honest with my family about how badly I feel because it really is not fair to make them worry more than they already do. I know they love me and want to help, but they are far away. The LCSW I see through the health plan is kind but a professional; the doctor would want to change meds, and I cannot stomach that right now. Or worse they would panic and start talking about hospitalization.

So, I sit, unable to be candid with those who love me, & feeling like this would be a terrible life to extend indefinitely into the future -- hiding pain from those who want to help and suffering alone.

Honestly, I have what I consider a strong spiritual life and even that in times like these loses its flavor. I am active too: go to 6-7 twelve-step meetings a week, work the program, have sponsees, part-to-full time work. And yet, there is no air in my apartment to breathe.

So, what I've found gets me through tonight is as much laughter as I can find. If I can see my life as absurd and life, great. If it's Arrested Development, or It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, for the 1,000 time, or House of Cards, or whatever, great. It doesn't matter. I need to laugh, now, tonight, with myself, for myself.

I need to laugh that I swallow an element that is used to make batteries yet I have no energy!

anything.

Allie...it will get better hon.....stay around to see it, hug yourself for me, and do something really sweet for that girl who is hurting so much...treat her like a best friend..OK?

i hear you. life sucks. it is a bitch having to stay here for family etc. hugs to you.

I hope, "one day at a time" you'll love staying alive for the love of you. Until then they will have to do. May you see them and each new day as a blessing. (((BBH)))