I know the feeling and experience it from time to time myself.

Whats got you so down?

Please try to rationalize your situation and fight through it, we need everyone of us here on DS dear.

I am just tired of being a screw up. I really, really messed up the other day. I don't really want to get in to the whole thing but basically if my friends find out what happened I will probably be dead to them. I don't understand why I can't just stay in control of myself. I hate the constant battle of my emotions and moods and impulses. I can't fix myself and I am tired of trying. Daily life is exhausting. Dealing with my mind is exhausting. I just want it to be over.

Oh, love, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. It may seem like darkness looming, brooding overhead ... but let some time pass and you'll feel it subside. You'll have a whole new perspective tomorrow. So hang tight and keep talking to us, we're here for you, listening!
~Nettie

(((hugs)))

We do things we regret and time heals the wounds as they say. We did not come to this site to just give in and end it all, we come here for support, fellowship and to know that in this illness we are not alone and most of all to fight together. I don't know you personally but I've always gotten the impression you are a wonderful person. These may all seem like meaningless platitudes or what have you but keep up the good fight, time will pass and these things will not seem as large as they seem looming now. We've all been there and one thing is you should not give up trying.
Don't become another boring statistic about bipolar suicide, you reached out for help here and that is a good step. Use your pain to fight through this and become Alliegator triumphant as I think and know you can. We lose control at the best and worst of times, you're not alone and please do not do anything rash. You are loved here and you have a whole spectrum of support and fellowship, if you need someone to just talk to I am here as are many others. Be well, Stay Strong.

I am just so scared i am going to lose my friends. They aren't very understanding when it comes to how my psychological issues affect my life. I can try to explain to them why I do the things I do but they don't get it. They just see that I have done something wrong. I'm not trying to use my diagnosis or other problems as an excuse its just an explanation. I don't know. I really just don't want to have to fight forever. I know bp doesn't go away. It can be managed but I have so many distorted thoughts about myself. I don't even know what I am trying to say anymore.

:hugs: just remember this will pass.

this is a challenge I've been facing too. I was only recently dx'd and its hard for my family and friends to think of me as having a life long illness.

If they see what they consider the old me shine through for a minute, they hold on to it for dear life, but when the minute passes, they are in confusion because they thought the old me was back for good.

Very difficult for them to comprehend, whether they are ill as well or healthy as an ox.

That's why we have eachother! So stick with us Alliegator!
And we'll stick together.

Perhaps in time, your friends will become more understanding.

sending healing thoughts.

Me too. Sorry not very helpful.

T

Allie, I know your friends mean the world to you so I know how hard this must be. But, be strong and face the consequences of your actions with your friends, if there are actually any (you said they might not find out). I'm sorry to see you suffering this way, no matter what you did. Hopefully in time your friends will come to realize that it is a chemical imbalance of the brain that can cause the most bizarre actions and they will be more tolerant of you. You, of course, have to try to control those actions as best you can. Good luck. You'll get through this.

Allie, have you called someone you care about or your tdoc/pdoc? I understand how you feel. Please try to fight through the feelings.

We do things we regret and cannot take back. Hopefully, we can forgive ourselves, in time, for such things.

I hope this passes for you soon.
*HUGS*

By the way, were you able to get your sleep meds? I thought I saw a post from you a while back complaining about insurance and sleep meds. I know sleep is a big trigger for me.

Suicide and suicidal thought are not the answer. The thought of suicide brings you a feeling of power...ultimate power...and that can be addictive.

It's time for you to think in terms of real power which is:
1. take your medicine
2. eat properly
3. try to get some sleep
4. let yourself off the hook...about things that mean nothing.
5. you fill in the blank.

If you're feeling like this I suggest checking in at your nearest hospital & seeing a p.doc.

No, RITKat, I still haven't gotten my meds. I hate the stupid insurance company.

Hang in there, I'm having the same feelings as you today, but tommorrow will be another day and hopefully better for the both of us.