You are not a failure. If you are that unhappy at your job quit and find a better place to work. Change what you have control over. I am glad you reached out for help. No situation is hopeless, I know easier said then done. There are always sotlutions but suicide is not one of them.Have you thought about going to see a therapist? That really helped me. Everything will be ok.

Sweety you are not a failure and I hope you will believe that. Having pain and depression at the same time is very difficult. I know, I live with it every day. And when I'm feeling on top of the world, I take advantage of every minute. Would you have any problem finding another job if you should leave this one that you have now? It's just not worth your health and your dignity if they are treating you so poorly. You don't deserve that. I am so glad that you said you are not going to do anything harsh, but I do understand your frustration and wanting to pull your hair out. It's a difficult place to be. You have much more than you realize and you are definitely not alone. I know we are not the same as someone you can just call up, go hang out with, or touch, but we are here for you 100% to support you. Always remember that.
Even miracles take a little time.
Hugs GB

TC PALEEEEEEES! You are not a failure! YOU have stuck it out at this job dealing with these terrible people for how long now? Many would have quit after a week. Obviously you are a very strong person who does not give up. I can understand how hard it it to be stuck in a job you hate but feel literally STUCK because you need the money to live. Now is the time to take action my friend. I understand the need to make a living but you have to think of yourself and your well being now. Get out of there TC. if you have no other job prospects at the moment do what I have done before. Go to one of those loan places get a small loan to tide you over until you find another job. Once you get a job you can make small payments to pay the loan off. Thats something I have done before. I know you said you have no one but thats not true because you have us. So please get out of there. New starts are scary but living in hell is worse. Good luck to you. Hugs.

From what you have written TC there are a couple of bullies at your work... That would be an AWFUL working condition.. I would be a wreck to.
You spend so much of the day at work and I imagine when you are that stressed out this is what you're thinking about when you aren't at work..
I think a lot of this might be situational sweetie and it may be triggering depression... I would rethink this job TC and if you're feeling low get to your doctor... These pissy people sure aren't worth you hurting yourself... Please don't do that.... There are good solutions to this problem... Big hug for you and a blessing...xo

I'm so sorry for how your feeling and what your going through!! I may not know everything your going through...but I feel as tho I'm in the same boat. I just cried reading your post...I have so much anxiety it just about kills me everyday. And the bipolar brain never shuts off!! I have a job i hate...I work for the state and the position I have is very challenging.....I hate it...I hate going day after day, day after day!!
Believe in yourself...I hope and pray that your life may become easier for you to handle.
When you talk about going in you sleep...I tried that yesterday, mine of course with pills, got very sick....but I'm still here!! I'm sorry you say you have noone...Ive been there without anyone...yes it might be somewhat easier because I have some family members 1300 miles away...and a fianc....but I wonder do they really understand what I'm going through everyday??!!!
Your not a failure....be good to yourself. If you need a friend, I'm here!!

you aredefinitely not a failure. please don't think that. this disease is a terrible liar and we believe it all the time. i am sorry to hear you have so much stress at work. try to get out of that situation as fast as you can or at least see if you can do fewer hours, keep posting here most of us know exactly how you feel and struggle with the same thoughts daily. we all keep each other going. big fat hugs to you.

*bump*
hi thank you all so much for your help and wisdom! I am looking for a new job as we speak. I may not even have a job tomorrow night at this time. I am not so sure that I even care. I was so upset last night that I threw up and did not sleep well at all. Tonight I just have a massive headache and severe anxiety and depression. I feel like crying. I am feeling very hopeless. I seriously wish that God would hurry up and call me home. I don't want to do this anymore. I just want to sleep. I want numbness and I want it now. I am seeing a therapist and my pscyh. My therapist is awesome. My psych is not awesome. In fact if there were another alternative, I would've switched providers a lonnnnng time ago. I am also searching for jobs online each night. I just feel like giving up. I am tired mentally and physically. I just want to sleep;

*bump*
well my friends...i got let go. I was told that I should've been able to do that job with no mistakes in less than two weeks.....HAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAA....I am so pissed off. I really just feel that I am ready for God to pull my number. I am sick of feeling like a big fat nothing. I am in a very bad frame of mind right now. i hate mfl

Please don't try anything dear.

There's typically not a "painless die in your sleep" way of passing. I accidentally OD'd a while back and it was the best nod ever until Serotonin Syndrome hit and I had the worst migraine of my life and was vomiting uncontrollably.

What'll happen is you'll nod for a while and then either wake up in the hospital or wake up vomiting your guts up or seizing, or both?

What I'd suggest is a med adjustment. Even for situational depression, your brain chemicals seem depressed right now.

Drown yourself in friends. You may not wanna, but you'll probably be glad you forced yourself to hang out and join the crowd once you notice the environment taking your mind off of things.

I'm sorry about your losses though, truly.

(((TC)))

Hearing work stories like these make me livid! Hope you can get a new job and that things will improve!

Why are you measuring your worth by your ability to do one job, though? You know companies don't ever care about their employees typically, right?

And you're not alone. It happens to the best of us.

When I was 17 or so in a partial "outpatient" program 90% of our little group was comprised of adults much older than myself who'd lost jobs due to depression, and most of their depression was relative to a job or career not going so well, and most of my depression right now is because I can't work a regular 9-5 while attending college like most people my age can do.

You're not alone.

You're worth more than whether or not you're a rusty or well-oiled cog in the machine that is whatever company you work for.

You are.... so much more. Seriously. People are not their jobs.

Someone on the board told me once, "We are human BEINGS, not human DOINGS, we have worth simply because we exist."

Good Riddance to a shitty job!!!!! You are free! I know it is frustrating and maybe even scary but now is the time for you to find where you rerally belong. Somewhere you are treated like you deserve to be treated. Hugs.

thank you V oltaire..you are so right. I AM a human being, not a human doing!!!
theatre. Yes I am actually relieved. I was under an ENORMOUS amount of stress.

I now have the daunting task of finding more work so that I don't become hopeless AND homeless!!!!! :(