Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE
EVEN THE COMPUTER WON'T TALK BACK TO ME
I HATE TELLING PEOPLE WHAT I AM
I HATE PEOPLE THINKING I'M CRAZY
I HATE KNOWING THAT I'M CRAZY
I HATE HATING.
the crying, the drugs don't work, the alcohol doesn't work. i've tried everything. i'm so far gone and NOBODY GIVES A FUCKING SHIT BECUASE I KEEP MYSELF TOGETHER
i took too many clozepam tonight. i thought i'd be recreational. then i drank champagne. then beer. and now i'm more anxious than i've ever been. i lost my phone, i left the boy i was with. i just want human contact. anyone. please tell me this isn't it. is it me or my "illness" WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEANN!???!?!?!?!
am i just a wasted stupid jaded college girl? am i a WASP just looking for a reason to be unhappy??
everyone thinks i'm crazy. i hate explaining myself. i want to scream I AM BIPOLAR ARE YOU FUCKING HAPPY NOW?! but i can't. because that's crazy. and no one understands it anyway.
i wanna take all my pills.
my family loves me but they don't want to hear about my psychological problems. my mom said so.
my shrink thinks i'm fine.
i make good grades, i am involved in extra curriculars. i keep an immaculate apartment. but i'm sitting here sobbing talking to a computer.
fuck. my. life.
too bad i'm too much of a coward to kill myself.
EVEN THE COMPUTER WON'T TALK BACK TO ME
I HATE TELLING PEOPLE WHAT I AM
I HATE PEOPLE THINKING I'M CRAZY
I HATE KNOWING THAT I'M CRAZY
I HATE HATING.
the crying, the drugs don't work, the alcohol doesn't work. i've tried everything. i'm so far gone and NOBODY GIVES A FUCKING SHIT BECUASE I KEEP MYSELF TOGETHER
i took too many clozepam tonight. i thought i'd be recreational. then i drank champagne. then beer. and now i'm more anxious than i've ever been. i lost my phone, i left the boy i was with. i just want human contact. anyone. please tell me this isn't it. is it me or my "illness" WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEANN!???!?!?!?!
am i just a wasted stupid jaded college girl? am i a WASP just looking for a reason to be unhappy??
everyone thinks i'm crazy. i hate explaining myself. i want to scream I AM BIPOLAR ARE YOU FUCKING HAPPY NOW?! but i can't. because that's crazy. and no one understands it anyway.
i wanna take all my pills.
my family loves me but they don't want to hear about my psychological problems. my mom said so.
my shrink thinks i'm fine.
i make good grades, i am involved in extra curriculars. i keep an immaculate apartment. but i'm sitting here sobbing talking to a computer.
fuck. my. life.
too bad i'm too much of a coward to kill myself.
Your not alone.. Im here if you need to talk to someone.
I understand.. Hun plz stay with me..
Jade
Jess
i wanted to kill myself. for no real reason.
should i go to the hospital?
it would crush my parents. do i need it? i just want contact. i want someone tangible to tell me what i should do. call the pdoc? so early. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO
I think its a good Idea to call the hospital and read to them what you wrote and what your feeling and what going on and see what they say.
Good luck sweet heart.
Im here for you and glad your stall with us
Jade
In spite of how Miserable it feels to have to call your doctor Again, I hope you'll do it, or even - dare I say it - go the the ER to get regulated for now.
Just because I Know...the clonazepam in higher doses will mess with your body and likely make you More agitated the more you take, so Please stop taking so many. That med works best when you take it as prescribed ( as do all meds, really).
I understand So Well the worry about letting people down, and showing what's Really going on inside you, when you wish you could put up a good front and really Feel it inside.
Stress can really cause us to go over the edge, and I Hate that you are having to deal with the limitations of bipolar when you want to do everything right.
Just hold on, please, and don't tell your shrink you are "fine" when you're not. They will Never Really Know, unless you tell them.
And chances are, over time (and I know you hate that "time" thing), you'll get regulated on a good combo of meds (and preferably therapy) and be able to do Sooo many things without falling apart.
*HUGGGGGGS*