back in my room right now aftter an late night vigil.

i haven't the slightest as to what to do with myself.

it's like the lights are brightly on in my mind - but whatever makes

up me - isn't home. I need to regroup before I go to bed.

an old aquaintence used to say he could never go directly to bed

after getting home from work,,, no matter how late it was..He said he 

always needed to reclaim his life. It's a weird dynamic here - we live and work here

so it's kind of like swiss family robinson. We're always on deck for the community.

Thank god I've got Blue - he makes my room my home for sure.

I think I need to buy myself nice furniture and just toss out the rules book

being a monastic... I need some fun and good reminders that I am 'worth it' -

it's a psychologically sound self care initiative! :)

it's at this point I lose all perspective and go off the deep end with this kind of thing.

Ehh I am probably a little freaked because I haven't been able to use my car for

a couple of weeks. My bank account looks nice as a result though :) but it makes for a super limited

experience. I suppose I could chock up this up to what the experience for living at Mount Athos

would be like in modicum if I were ever to go there. Methinks I am a bit of city folk.