Bereavement Support Group

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Death & Dying
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why doesnt the pain go away? vader

vader
vader
Since 1995 I have lost a great many people in my family.Some of the deaths were to be expected.My favorite aunt had a bad stroke and she couldnt talk.She was in a wheelchair and an invalvid the last years of her life and it was hard on my uncle also.My Uncle Joe was always the one who was into exercise.He died of Parkinsons Disease.This is rare because in my family no one has it and I was told that the stress of caring for my aunt and such made this disease subsecpitle for him.He was 80 when he died.But the biggest ache was on 5/22/09 0f this year.In May my boyfriend of 12 and half years,Bradley killed himself and I was the one who found the body.It was one of the most horrible days of my life and I equate it when I was 16 and I heard that President Kennedy was killed in Dallas.It was a shock and I am having so much pain now tht I am convinced that time doesnt heal all wounds.All time does is make you realize that suicide isnt a persons fault and you learn to accept certain things....but the pain in my heart just wont go away.I believe that a happy go lucky person is a better person to know then a negative one.But I have been negative and i cant get rid of this.This pain is killing me and i cry everyday.I will always love Brad.He was the love of my life and I have tried and I mean tried to be positive and develop a sense of humour.I have tried...but this pain just wont go away and I am beginning to think
that it never will.How can time heal me?I dont see this possible.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Vader,

I don't believe that time does heal all wounds, it just leaves scars as a reminder of what we as people endure throughout our lives. My mom says the same thing to me daily about my dad, that the pain in her heart just won't go away. I don't think that there is ever an answer that anyone can give to that question or statement. I think, as each day passes, we move a little closer to being able to function and enjoy life again, even if it is too small for us to notice at the time. Be strong, if you can't be strong for you, be strong for your lost one. I tell myself that when I think I am weak and can't move forward, that I must be strong for my dad as he was always strong for me throughout my own trials of life. My heart is with you Vader, always.
deleted_user
deleted_user
darling, don't run from the pain - embrace it and wallow in it, feel it and process it - only then can you begin to separate from it. grief is a cyclical process, we never 'get over' the death of a loved one, we never stop missing them - it's just that some days are harder or easier than others. suicide is especially a difficult death to deal with, i know, my father killed himself. it's a form of abandonment we don't understand and therefore is even more painful to grieve - i'm sorry for your loss. i'm sorry for your heartbreak. you are strong and you will get through this, it's ok not to be 'happy go lucky', allow yourself to really feel your emotions, suppressing them only makes them stronger and harder to control (trust me on this :). but you don't have to let your pain make you cynical or jaded, you don't have to be negative simply because you don't want to be positive - you can exist in between, there are many shades of gray. just promise not to let your pain get in the way of enjoying the happiness presented to you. hold onto the little things and look for the pleasure in the simple things, a kind gesture from a stranger, a particularly beautiful day, the colors of fall, the laughter of a friend - hold onto the happiness presented to you in small ways, so that you have something to balance out the pain when it comes back. 'you yourself are most deserving of your love and attention' - buddha

go in peace

~l
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hello
I understand how you are feeling my mom and dad passed my best friend passed my dog Heidi I had ten years was hit by a car on Dec 29, 2008 and my husband died on Jan 29,2009 in my arms while I was trying to give him CPR. Don't ever feel alone. I listen to a lot of music and it really helps me Sissy's song by Alan Jackson is so beautiful. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1eLe52EH8k
. Also Darius Rucker - If I had wings http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Lq3th89P3M
These two songs are on u-tube they really help and comfort me. I know my husband is smiling down on me saying don't worry bout me! My husband was my soulmate and the most wonderful man that ever walked this earth. We would have been married ten years on Nov 27th 2009. I know my husband would not want me to be sad and cry but I do. I tell myself
I have two choices I can die to live or live to die. I am going to live life to the fullest and try not to morn him I just feel that if I don't let him go he won't be able to rest in peace and make his transition to a new wonderful world. He is with all his family and friends and there is no more pain or worry.
I hope this helps a little!
God Bless
Bonnie
1wngsfn
1wngsfn
I understand your pain and loss. Just remember that you are not alone, we are here for you. I read this on the survivors of suicide website. " Time heals all wounds is not necessarily true for survivors of suicide. Time is necessary for healing, but time is not enough. Shared feelings enrich and lead to growth and healing". Praying for you to find some peace. Hugs, Debbie
vader
vader
to all whonhas responded.I am proud to say that i have done something postive for me and Brad.I started a cause on facebook today..It is for the victims of domestic violence.I want to educate all men and women before it starts and it can be prevented.My domations will go to the Childrens Hospital of seattle.Children shouldnt be denied operations and medicine because there parents are poor.It is for cancer also.But time does not heal all wounds so I must go forward and try to help other people,Being beat up when he is drunk aint no fun.