Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
I lost my wife on June 18th. Cancer claimed her at age 57. While the Hospice folks were angels, Barbara's last 22 days were very difficult. She was unable to eat or drink anything during that time. I had to give her her morphine via suppository, and that was the only way I could manage her pain. Every day, I would hold her hand and tell her that I loved her. I would tell her that it was O.K. for her to go be with her Daddy and the Lord in Heaven, but she held on, for what reason I do not know. She was not able to speak or communicate in any way, except for expressing pain when the morphine eased it's effect on her. I watched helplessly as my vivacous bride of 22 years wasted away to 86 pounds at the end. I try to remember the good times, but my mind will not allow it yet. When I think of her, I cannot get the image of her cancer ravaged being out of my head. That's when the tears come, like they are right now. I have experienced the loss of my parents, a brother, and many more family members and friends, but this is so very different. Knowing that I am not alone, I wonder when it will start to get better?
Right now though, it's OK to feel really weak & helpless. You are just starting out in this new life and it is REALLY NOT a life you wanted, asked for, or deserve. Losing your spouse is very different than anyone else. This is the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with; not without. Just a heads-up: even with all that you have already been through, this first year you are going to feel like you are getting beat-up by (-God, the universe, fate, whatever-) every time you turn around. Just remember that every day that you wake up is the same as a successful work-out. It's proof that you made it through yesterday & that strength will help you get through today.
As for the image of you wife; she has no need for that worn out body anymore; she can now look any way she wants. And from a personal (read: woman's) perspective I can tell you that we like our men to think of us as looking good. Find a picture of her where she looked really beautiful & keep it with you. That's how SHE want's you to remember her. Good luck, and you are never alone.
It's been 9 years since he died. Of course it's better now. But you need to know when it gets better.
Well, it's different for everyone and I must say that for the first year, I existed in a fog. Oh, I functioned all right, but I really was in a fog. Looking back now, I don't remember the first year at all.
I do know that after 6 months, I didn't break out crying when I talked about him, or when someone asked me how I was doing. I still cried in private quite often, but that's ok because I was still grieving, and grief takes a long time to get thru for many people. We all grieve in our own time. I didn't feel completely "right" until after a good year, and then finally I felt I'd gotten thru the grief. Of course that didn't mean I'd gotten over HIM ~ I never will. He will ALWAYS be in my heart, and he will ALWAYS be my husband.
As far as the image you see of your wife ~ I did the exact same thing ~ I saw him as the wasted away skeleton of a man instead of the virile, muscular man that he was. That went on for a good long time. But you know what? Not anymore. Now I see the BIG, manly man that I loved and adored. That's the ONLY thing I see now. Thank God. LOL. It will be the same for you. I PROMISE.
So Joe, be patient. It's hard, but just be patient. You're grieving and it hurts but the hurt will subside and you will heal. Stay with us and keep venting when you need to. If you want to talk let me know. God bless you. Hugs, Lee
so dear man, keep writing, we are all here for you and DS really helps. It lets you know that you are not alone. we all are here with you.
S