Bereavement Support Group
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I am beginning to realize towards the end of his tortured life that Brad did not love me.He was having an affair with this dancer and he was paying her rent also.There were several women that were together with Brad but now I realize this...Brad was abusive.He was a charming and abusive person and I didnt recognize it.I realize this...he was planning to start another life without me and everyone would have suffered.What did I do wrong? We were together for 12 years.Was it something that i said or done? Look,its not my fault that I am not beautiful and rich..but as the Rolling Stones sang in the 1970s....You cant always get what you want.But the sad thing of it all is that i still love Brad and life without him
has been unbearable.He was right about some of my friends.They turned out to be pills.Some people just want to be your friend just for a good time,but when the bad times start they disappear and this has happened to me.I was told by a priest today that people who committ suicide do not die.That they go to heaven and only God can judge him and that priest made me feel so good.I have often wondered if there is life beyond the grave and still Brads death..I have stopped wondering.I dont know what he did this to me but all I can say is that I am so alone and so lonely that I am going to scream.How do I go on? What should I do? It will be 17 mon ths soon and I am in oblivion.Vader.
has been unbearable.He was right about some of my friends.They turned out to be pills.Some people just want to be your friend just for a good time,but when the bad times start they disappear and this has happened to me.I was told by a priest today that people who committ suicide do not die.That they go to heaven and only God can judge him and that priest made me feel so good.I have often wondered if there is life beyond the grave and still Brads death..I have stopped wondering.I dont know what he did this to me but all I can say is that I am so alone and so lonely that I am going to scream.How do I go on? What should I do? It will be 17 mon ths soon and I am in oblivion.Vader.
Brad shows classic signs of a person who is abusive. Men who are physically abusive often seculde you from friends and family, have issues with drugs / alcohol, and almost always come off as "charming".
The first step to your recovery is relizing that he was sick, suffering from both mental illness and substance abuse; and the choices he made in his life were his own, NOT a reflection of you or anything you said or did.
There was nothing you could have done to change the situation; or make him happier, change your appearance, ect-- he was battling his own demons, and chose to self medicate with drugs and be unfaithful to you as well in the process.
There is no excuse for that. I continue to encourage you get counseling as I see this effecting your personal self esteem and you are still not coming to terms with all the facts of his death.
I think you need to lighten up, man, and find something that makes you LAUGH. Even a sitcom about dysfunctional people does the trick for me. Then force yourself into some new social situations, try to put on a happy face and respectfully laugh at others' jokes, maybe make a few jokes yourself. Listen to others. It'll take your mind off yourself.
If I may call it like I see it, you're focused on CONTROL. Trying to control something...or someone...that is beyond your control. The trick is not to control, but to try and get on a warm universal flow of love. Then the joy returns!
Look, I haven't figured out what "love" (in a romantic sense) is either. But ya roll with life and try to see some beauty, love and laughter in it, and in everyone. My two cents.