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what should I do? by vader

vader
vader
It will be 19 months on the 22nd of December that I lost my Brad.Now I have a problem and I would like your advice.The other day i got a call from someone who knew Brad and he was bothered that Brad hasnt called him in quite some time.When I told him that Brad is dead,he started to almost cry.Then he asked me this"Who will take care of me now?" It seems that he is living in his car and is currently homeless.His mother threw him out and he is living in his car with his cat.He lost his job due to his excessive drinking.And he told me that the only person who helped him was Brad.Brad was giving him 100.00 a week and i vader just cant.Right now I am having all sort of money problems like all of us people.I dont know what to tell him.But what would you do? How do you tell a person that you cant help him? I dont want to be mean.I dont want to be a scrooge.Brad was secretly helping him and 4 other people.He was giving them money and buying them food.I didnt know about it.But who will take care of these people? I just found out.I cant afford to give anyone 100.00 at all.And I hope that I am not hated.Please help me.vader.
AFWC
AFWC
Dear Vader ~ you need to take care of yourself first, then when and if you can assist others than you do it then. You will not be hated, you can only do what you can do. I too feel for this man, however, we all have to make choices. This man is not your responsibility. You didn't even know of him until he called. Is it possible that Brad didn't necessarily give him money on a regular basis, but finding out of his death he is telling you this? I'm typically not a cynical person, but something about this is not sounding right to me. Brad has been gone 19 months, that's 19 months that this man didn't get 100.00 a month from Brad. Just some food for thought!

Please don't beat yourself up!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Be Careful, sounds fishy to me. If Brad was giving him what you say he was, how come now after all this time he shows up. Trash it Woman, trash it.


John.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I hate to be cynical as well, but 19 months without the $100 a week he desperately needed?...That comes to around $7600 if what this man says is true. If he was living in his car with his cat, that's a lot of money to go un-noticed. Right now, you need to be taking care of you and processing your grief. Simply explain to the man that you do not have the funds or the emotional ability to shoulder his burden at this time. Then, maybe direct him to a local shelter, church or other type of relief organization where he may be able to find the help he needs.
If this is something your Brad really did, he must have been a beautiful, caring man. The man who called you would have been emotionally attached to him, and rather than ask you to take over for Brad, would have offered his condolences and left you alone....if he truly did care about Brad.
It does sound just too fishy.
You will not be hated. Offer him some other, public options and ask him to move on. There are TROVES of charities out there who can help this man.
I am so sorry for your loss. I really hope that whoever this person is that he respects your need to go through your grief and moves on.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi, I had the same reaction when I read your post. Something sounds fishy. Was your Brad a very rich man? Direct the person to a local shelter and say you wish him well. I am so sorry for your loss.
Mgould
Mgould
Don't feel bad - you can't help - you need to take care of yourself. I have a sister-in-law who is homeless and an alcoholic. We helped her for a long time - but got to a point where we couldn't. Direct him to a hospital social work department or other social service agency who can get him the resources he needs. My SIL was in several really nice programs - totally free - don't know if there is as much with the economy the way it is - but - you can't allow someone else to bring down your life now - it is hard enough as it is.