On May 22nd,2010...my Brad will be dead for one year.And what a year it has been! It has been chatoic and as usual I am having real bad money problems.Brad left me no will and I didnt know what his wishes were.He also left me limited funds and I have been selling all of his posssessions.And I have been told that this is wrong.My rent is 1100 a month and I just about made it this month.I am having a garage sale soon and get rid of the vcr and tv and stereo...not to mention clothes some of mine and all of the cats toys.I didnt know that death was so cruel.But here is a question.....what happens next? Does anyone know? What do I do now? I am still in mourning and at this stage noone understands.Brad was in so much pain the last two weeks of his life.He wasnt thinking clearly.And I wish that I did do more.But Brads family is no longer speaking to me.You see on that day....the police were the ones who noticied them.I didnt tell them of this escapade because they were
used to his drinking.Brad was in 12 rehabs and this time...well he didnt make it.He told me if anything happens not to call his sister or brothers.He wanted nothing to do with his family and now I do regret not doing an intervention,but knowing Brad he wouldnt stay in rehab.He was really wasted.Brad was on meth and it destroyed him.I was suppose to go on a long trip but if I did I would have come home and been homeless.All of my vacation money is gone.All of my savings is gone.I have spent it all on keeping and taking care of the house and buying food and the ultities.I had big bills.I had to pay out
300.00 because Brad didnt pay the phone bill.I had to because i had no phone
service and I need the phone.It was restored in one day.I also had to buy food because he was drinking heavily and wasnt eating.He was a mess and
and I knew it.He was in pain.He was throwing up blood.There was blood in hi
his urine and I know he didnt want to die in a hospital or rehab ward.I tried my
best to get him to rehab.I couldnt.His death came at a bad time.This happened during the begin ning of a the long holiday weekend and every
place was closed.All social services were closed.I told Brad to go to the
emergency room and he told me this...'Honey...I want to die.I am so miserable.You are better off without me." Those were his last words to me.And having one paycheck to live on aint kosher.It is getting expensive in
seattle.I am trying to get a roommate.And I dont want to advertise on
Craigslist.Seattle has had another Craigslist murder and they are raising the funds for the family today.Sometimes I cry,like I am doing now and I think.
DId I fail Brad? Did I? And I cry and cry....here is the question...what happens
now? What happens after the year? I dont know and I am still wondering.