A sympathy card. It doesnt really matter if she is relivous or not, most people believe that when their loved ones die, they go to a place great than just a hole in the ground.

I think you should say what comes from the heart. You and I both know, NOTHING will make a person really feel better. Perhaps reflect on what a great person they were, and how you know they are in a better place.


I dont think speaking your beliefs.. is offensive . Thats what we as christians do, spread the word of God.

This is the best time for her to find Christ if she hasnt.

As far as a gift, sometimes people create memorail funds, in lou of flowers, and money. I think a memorable type of gift could be something they keep and can hold on to. A picture frame, a gift card maybe to somewhere they might need help with, the grocrey store. ect.

In my religion/culture, we have always brought food to the family during and after the funeral. At times we have offered to help set up for the wake, after the funeral, or bring dinner to the family, without asking and just drop it by.

Many times the family doesnt feel up to cooking, or going out, but they need to eat, and they truly appreciate all the food they recieve and people just coming to tell them they care..

They will be bombarded by flowers, I guarentee and they will be dead within a week. But taking time to bring a home cooked meal and come by to tell the family you care, is something they will always remember.

My advice is a simple sympathy card. Not too wordy, or long verses. A simple I am so sorry for your loss type card. Skip flowers. I couldn't deal with the thought of them and I gave them to anyone who would like them after my husbands funeral.( I did send thank you notes). Bringing food and an plain envelope with money is a big thing where I live too. Just showing up and showing your support during their grief can be a wonderful thing.

nurse 23 is right...it is polite to send people a Sympathy Card when they lose a loved one, because it shows that you are thinking of them during thier difficult time of grief. She is also right that us christians spread the word of god,and that the deceased is now in a better place for them. At a lot of fu8nerals, there is a luncheon where people will bring a dish to pass---I think that these luncheons are a celebration of the deceased's life.


Tom B. aka Ihman

to all who replied.I thank you for your advice and I am just going to go
with a nice sympathy card.I dont know her that well and it will seem a bit odd if she got the whole set up...cards,flowers and food from me when we dont know each other well.I am going to go to the wake and give her the card and just tell her I am sorry and I feel that she would be glad.

She will be glad that you are thinking of her through this difficult time for her.

Tom B. aka Ihman

tom...thanks.she is having a difficult time and right now I am also having severe money problems.I dont know what to say to her but i guess I am sorry would be good enough.Money problems are the reason for my depressions and I wish I had Bill Gates money for he never worries about it and he is the happiest person going.