Big hug for you Dave.... I am so very sorry for your loss and the pain that you're in.... Grief is a process and is very painful in the beginning stages

However you feel, you feel and that's alright.... This is a time for baby steps.... A RL support group might be a big help for you

The things you threw out is just stuff... .... It is no reflection on how you feel about your wife...... In the beginning of grief I found I just had to get through one day, one hour, one moment at a time

We have a really good Widows and Widowers board on here.... People are in different stages of healing... It's a very supportive group

I'm glad that you're here.... Gentle hug and a blessing......xo

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/widows-widowers

Hi Dave- I too lost my wife of 30yrs, 5 mos ago. Her death was sudden! And because of that, I am having the most difficult time coming to terms with it, up to now...! No chance for gradual acceptance or goodbyes, as you would in cases where an illness progressed naturally. I am still in a state of shock and denial. As if the last 30yrs. of my life was just an excellent dream I woke up from. As if it never really happened! Everything and anything now reminds me of her and the happy memories I have of our time together. Unfortunately, also reminds me of her absence and the emptiness I feel. After her passing, I decided to move out of the residence we shared for many years, so as not to torture myself with being reminded. I stored all of our belongings for now, till I learn to accommodate my new reality. Not that I want to forget, but for the sake of my healing and adjusting to my altered life and point of view. Though I struggle daily to give meaning to my daily existence, I find strength in remembering her in mind and spirit. The material things we shared, I can resort to them later, when I'm better, to help enhance the journey of remembering. So far it's proven effective for me in easing the sorrow, not by a lot! But every little bit helps. She was my soul mate first, then a loving wife and now my Guardian Angel! Stay strong, get creative in how to cope, find a new purpose and let time work it's healing magic....... Take care and God Bless!!

Thank you guys, everything you said makes total sense. This is probably been the worst weekend yet. I invited my in-laws and some friends over today for a BBQ and a swim. I guess I was doing OK until I was looking at everyone in the pool and then all the sudden I could just visualize Tracey and I on our own special floaty that she loves so much. I can't be alone on this one, does anyone purposely tortures themselves when things are going OK and then Bam, you go into a freeze frame and Think about what you and your spouse was just doing a few weeks ago or a few months ago. My whole adult life, I never knew what it felt like to be weak . I have two things that help me get up in the morning, my little girl and believe it or not this site. My friends and family always tell me they know how I feel and they Hurt for me. But in all actuality, no one can understand the sick pain I wake up with every morning than all of you, and for that, I am closer to all of you than anyone I ever known. Dave

Hi Dave. I am very familiar with "that sick pain"... I lost my husband of 45 years 4 months tomorrow and keep telling myself I was so lucky to have him for all that time. But I dont feel lucky when I see married 80 somethings. That pain is real and I feel it too so you are not alone. .. and it hits out of the blue sometimes with no obvious trigger. Thinking of you. Heather

You are not being weak, but being human about how you feel. I WAS a rough and tumble seasoned Truck Driver/Dock worker, till I got reduced to a crying mess in a fetal position the first two months of her death,lol! I have no hang ups about that nor do I feel shame telling you, because it is a normal reaction! I've never felt so connected with reality ever since. Sometimes it takes losing someone we love , to find ourselves! In the end, with all the exercise of emotions we've gone thru, we would feel more alive than ever!
As far as the well meaning comments from friend's and family about just moving on.....get over it, etc... like you just lost an Iphone or family pet! I had to tell them that I appreciate their concern and advise, but pray that I never have to tell them the same thing anytime soon and know my pain ever! It stopped and changed to just "hang in there best you can!" Which I think is more realistic, given the depth/complexity of the sorrow we're dealing with, which they'll get to know sooner or later anyway. Flow with the feelings constructively, stay aware of your thoughts and keep it positive.

Well, tomorrow is the first day of school and I am doing all the mom duties now. New backpack, pencils, paper and of course a notebook. Here again, I was doing OK for a while because I was excited for my daughter Katey. She had one of those big notebook binders have a clear pocket in the front so you can put a picture in it. She wanted me to go through the pictures in our computer to print out a picture of her and her mom to put in the clear pocket. It was so heartbreaking knowing that my little Katey would be caring around with that notebook with a big 8 x 10 picture of her mommy that no longer exist. I am sick with pain for me as well as for my daughter. Going back to work Monday, I am going to try to fit in the world of the "new normal" I just can't see it!

my sympathy to you Dave, sorry to hear that, but like people say you have to take i day at a time and hope you recover from the loss. . i lost my mom and dad in 2013 68 days apart from each other and i have a hard time on B.days and anniversary. and of course the day they passed away, holidays, but i have to live on for that's what my parents would want me to do. my prayers to you and all the other people who have lost a loved one.

Face the bed somewhere else.

I lost my wife of 48 years in July. Everyone tells me how sorry they are and what a great lady she was.i know all that and it doesn't make me feel better. I miss her so much it hurts.She was a very active person and I know she would want me to go forward,but it is hard

Dave I lost my wife recently so I know how you feel. I just went through her cosmetics etc and dumped them all I cried but just did it and I hope you have strength to go on. I still feel like she will walk through the door anytime now..Then I think about what she would do if the situation was reversed and having been with so many years I know what she would want me to do and it helps a little. Good luck to you