My mom still has my dad's things in the closet. She did give a few of my dad's sweaters to my uncle. But the rest, she has kept in the closet. The only thing we did after he died, was to throw out all of his medicines and clean out the room he was in while he was sick.

Maybe one day we'll clean out the rest, but for now his things aren't in the way. When you're ready you will do it. But it doesn't seem like you're ready to deal with this yet. One step at a time.

It is very painful to deal with your parents' belongings when they die..
You must only do this when you are ready. Some people do this quite soon after the death. Others take a long time.
You can do it gradually. a bit at the time when you feel ready and keep some clothes as a souvenir. May be a shirt or pullover or a set of clothes. I've lost both my parents now. My mum died 15 years ago and my dad 3 and a half months ago. It is very hard. I cried all the time that I was going through his clothes. I gave some
away to friends and the others to charity. I kept a cardigan, some shirts. and a hat. The important thing is to keep something as a souvenir.

yes, I still wear my sons shirts

let some time slip by and see how you feel

Everyone says you will know when you are ready and not to tackle that until you are. As for me, I was ready fairly fast to clean out my husband's closet. Seeing his clothes was just too hard for me.

I did keep some special clothes and they fill one drawer of my dresser where I am sure they will remain for years to come. Also, all of his clothes are still boxed in plastic tubs in my spare room. This is probably a really bad idea because it may be harder to give them away.

One other note, I also dreaded this task, but when the time came it was not near as bad as I thought it was going to be. It may be easier for you to deal with a few items at a time as Glorinha suggested. I think this is why my husband's clothes sit in that room all boxed up. Maybe one day I will be ready to release them.

Two year down the track I'm still slowly letting things go but now I find that I throw out what brings pain because some things bring happier memories and I am closer to Mom's spirit now rather than the memories of her dying. Except of all things her false teeth. We had to leave in a hurry going to the city ICU and I was so glad that I remembered her teeth but she never got to wear them again. Last attempt at clearing more from her room I put them in an old handbag from when I was a kid and buried them in my room. I pity the person who will find them someday but the vision makes me smile too. Grief takes time and it depends on the level of impact that person has had in your life. Hugs, Suzi

I totally & completely understand. I lost my son very unexpectedly on Christmas Day 2007 at age 30 to diabetes. He lived out of town in North Carolina and was alone. I live in Missouri. I had not seen him for nearly two years. (we talked on the phone every weekend tho' and were very close) I was executor of his estate. He was not married, no kids--his belongings meger. Many were things I had given him. I still cry when I see his things and can't bear to give them away. To me, this all I have left of him. To give them away would be like tossing him away. In the beginning, I would hold his favorite shirt and hug it and just allow myself to cry, cry hard. You might try that. Go to a quiet room and give yourself that moment with your mom. Now I'm giving myself time. Even tho' I still cry at the thought of him not being here, it has gotten easier to get up in the morning and face another day without him. I couldn't imagine being able to go on without him, but it is slowly happening. I know how hard it is--to go thru what you are going thru. I went thru it too. And I know how hard it is when someone says just give yourself time. I wanted a quick fix because it hurt so bad, was so painful. But for me, that is what helps. I'll pray God sends you the comfort and peace you need. I'm here if you want to talk. Love and peace, Roselle

This is not an issue to worry about. It is very normal to have all of these emotions. A bit of a roller coaster at times. It is normal even when we feel we are 'losing it'. I just left the 'things' to be and when it felt 'right' I did something about it which at times was simply to leave something as it was. There is not 'right' way to walk through this process. Just go with what feels best to you at the moment. There is no 'rush' and often rushing and forcing ourselves to 'resolve' these 'things' can bring us to a place of depression. Just go with what feels best and at times that it simply to do nothing but experience the loss. Sending you gentle ((hugs)) and the best of thoughts. Patricia

it's almost been three years for me and there are still things i can't get rid of
i am not sure what that says about me but i miss her very much and i guess holding onto things respects her memory for me
my advice would be to wait till you are ready
what does it matter if there are a few extra belongings in the house as long as you are not morbidly drawn to them
if you can just put them away and just know they are there i think its ok
some may disagree with me
when you are ready you will be able to let go of them and so will I

My mom passed in December. The first week I sorted through her clothing and cried alot. I was still in the shock stage and it just seemed to be something that I had to do privately. It was very cleansing for me and I was able to give some favorite clothing to one relative that my mom adored. She is so honored to be wearing my mom's clothing and I am comforted knowing that she feels more special. I donated alot to the homeless women's shelter in our area. They were pleased and highly appreciative. I kept some casual items that reminded me of mom the most, gardening shirts that she had ironed like all of her other nice pieces! Funny, those are my favorite things..I will wear them and wrap myself in my mother's scent. Don't you just miss the way your mom smelled?
Hugs and love to you,
Jan

If you don't need to make decisions about this right now I would put it off for awhile - months if you can.

When my father died my sister and I gave it some time and then we took care of his belongings together. If my sister had not been with me it would have taken me many months to be able to deal with it. Do you have someone who could sit with you while you do make these decisions?

Sorry for your loss Jhelum. Just to let you know what I did with Vicki's things when she passed may give you some comfort. Vicki was cared for in a nursing home in and out for 3 years. When she passed, I dontated her clothing to the nursing home. The facility told me they have people come in that have NOTHING. So, to send them home with some "new to them" clothing" is a gift. Vicki would have liked to know that she was helping someone else that was in need. She was always a giving person in life. As far as her other belonging, I am just boxing them up for now. Her family has no interest in them which does not surprise me. They had very little interest in her care while she was alive. This is just a thought for you to extend your Moms things in helping others.

I think that Teresa's suggestion is a good one as far as packing your mom's things up in boxes and letting them sit for awhile. You probably won't feel as emotional about this in a few months but this way - you won't have to be facing the pain of her loss 24/7.

I doubt that your mom would want you to be terribly sad about her belongings.

My husband passed way on 3/4/09 and most of his clothes are still in the closet. When I'm ready I'll probably give away some of the shirts just to make room but in the meantime, every time I open the clothes closet I feel comforted. So don't feel you you have to get rid of things. Little by little you will probably give some things away but you will probably keep much of it. And that's okay. I have a friend who still has many of her husband's shirts and it's been four years. So, you do or don't do -- whatever makes you feel comfortable.

Like the others I know those feelings all too well. I think they are common. I am slowly letting go of my Mom's stuff. Its been 19 months. Fortunately I do not have to sell the house any time soon. I gave away some stuff to charity. Sold a couple of items. I have a long way to go. Keep all of your Mom's stuff for now. 39 days is not very long at all. Let go of some of it as appropriate as you feel comfortable. If you have to clear out the house for practical or financial reasons then you'll have to pick and choose. Eventually you'll be down to the really special stuff with the fondest memories and you keep those forever. I try to decide what she would want to give away and the what she would keep. She had many keepsakes from her mother and I'll keep those too. Hang in there. Its a rough time. God bless. Scott

Oh J,
There is no hurry. Take your time. Be glad you have the time to take. We had to clean my sisters house 7 weeks after she died. It was difficult, i didn't want to throw anything away. The best advice I got was to make four piles, when you are ready. 1.Keep 2. Donate 3. Toss 4. I don't know. save the I don't know pile for a later time. just don't give anything away that you might want down the road. it worked for us. But please, there is no hurry to do anything.
love ya
Shirley