Big hug for you Justice.... I am so sorry that you've lost your son..... There are RL support groups for Mother's who have lost children and one of these may be a good support for you
Welcome to DS.... I am sorry for what has brought you here but I'm glad that you're here..... xo

Grief has many common threads that we all experience, but each of our losses is different, so that gives rise to the comments you have been hearing.

There is NO list that tells any of us what we should feel, but there are lists that tell us what we might feel. You have made a great start at listing the emotions you have been feeling, now expand on them!

I lost my sister, mother and father over the course of 4 years. ANd in that order. I was angry at my sister for dying first and leaving me to take care of our parents. Took me a while to recognize that I was mad at her, then to realize that it was silly (she did NOT want to die), and then accept it.

A month is too short a time to process the loss of a child, even one that was 19 years old.

SO pick an emotion, and let us know how it hits you. Even if you write it down and delete it, the exercise may give you some comfort. (It does for me)

Gentle hugs

my 28 yr old son was senselessly murdered a little over a year ago . he was the future . him and i built another house for ourselves after a divorce in 2001 and it was meant for jake and his young family while my plan was to live out my years in the basement . the inevitable arrests havent happened yet . the plans for the future are gone . for a few months i couldnt see enough purpose to go on living but now ive decided that i have a new purpose -- the baby who was 8 days old when jake was killed . ive never been a selfish person , my pain is mine to bear . the baby deserves a loving grandpa especially since its quite likely his mom and current stepdad are going to prison for decades when this mess unfolds .
a new purpose -- thats what you have to find . regardless of your devastating loss there are people who still need you .

and if no grandson existed i would still have purpose -- living well to spite those who hate me . they think im on my face . no . im getting back up . ( suckers )

Thank you all so much for the kind words! Its been 5 weeks today and I know that the pain doesn't just go away I'm looking for answers and honestly my grief hasn't started until the pos rots in prison for what he did to my child! I'll be praying for you all

I'm new here as well. I lost my only son forever 17 on January 22 2017. He was escorting a friend home and a drunk driver playing it fast and furious killed him. It's been a year 4 days ago and I still am confused. Our emotions are similar, sad, mad, nervous, weak, pretty much living in my own world. My sons killer is living his life like nothing happened. No jail where I come from. I take the day hour by hour. Mostly I try to keep myself busy so I don't go insane. I know our children are more alive than we are. And I try to keep in my mind that he's always watching and doesn't want to see me crying all the time. I know better done than said. Some days are better than others. Once the 1 yr anniversary passed I realised what had happened. That's when I asked for advice in the group for moms only. It's a horrific journey we never had a choice to. Prayers to you for strength and comfort. Keep strong, your son will help you find the way and know he's always with you even though you can't see him.

It is natural to feel or not understand what you feel. You lost your child, he is a part of you. I lost my son (12/21/05) it took me a very long time to find me, I am not the same me as I was before this is my new normal. He does visit, but lately I have been very busy I may not be seeing the signs. I am also a member of FMO (For Moms Only) they have helped me heal they listen and listen without judgment

Keep journaling pour out what you feel, we can understand better than someone who thinks they know but don't.

sending hugs your way
Penny

Thank you so much Penny! May I ask how old was your son when he passed away?

hang in their i lost my mum when i was 12 and hated God that night its hard but you will get though i didnt no any pastors nor had friends my Dad was nasty and always since says nasty stuff about her ats not true and i got though her death and now have a strong church family to call on when i need to if i can get though it you can to. Remember Gods looking after him he not sick or in any pain anymore Gods got you to remember his word says he never leave or forsake us :)

Have you tried calling the police and asking if there are any local support groups for parents of children that were killed?

(Many states have money set aside for victims of violence. My son had his bike stolen, and while it was definitely NOT traumatic, he had to sign a paper that he had been made aware that funds were available.)

I’m very sorry for the loss of your son. It sounds complicated and that can make grief complicated. My son drowned 11 years ago in a sporting accident. No one to blame. Be careful with yourself. Your psychic resources are being drained ( this is PTSD). It’s very helpful to talk to other people who know what it means to lose a child. It makes you feel less alone