Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
Your post struck me as being something that made me wonder how you are getting up. You must be in a great deal of pain. First, there are many forms of bi-polar medication available. In fact some are much more tolerable than others. Please consider trying these new ones. Also being bi-polar and not taking your medication can lead to a much more stressful life for you. Bi-polar disorder is very serious and needs to be controlled so you can feel good. Second, Suicide, funny thing about suiicide, yes they do give signs, sometimes, not always. Did you know that most people who commit suicide do not share their true feelings with anyone close to them, they are functional in their daily living and do not want to burden those who love them with their troubles. So to that end you are not selfish, you could not have caused the suicide. If you did, it would be murder, not suicide. You clearly have a lot of love passion as your post clearly indicates. So what to do now? Consider seeing your physican and discuss some other medications, in my experience clients who are bi-polar on the right medication are much happier. Also remember there is one more variable, the dosage, ask them to start you off on the lowest dose, then increase as needed. Most psychological drugs take two to three weeks to kick in. Finally, find a different therapist. If who/what you are going to now is not working then move on. It's okay, therapists won't get hurt. it is their interest to help you, not feel popular.
Please keep me posted on your progress.
Hugs
Shannon