Bereavement Support Group

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Death & Dying
/ Bereavement Support Group

Tired of Sadness

blonde5224
blonde5224
5 years ago, in May, I was the passenger in a horrific car accident; the driver, who was the love of my life, died at the young age of 23. It took me a solid 3.5 years to really come to terms with everything and to find the ability to move on. However, as strong as I have become, I made a terrible mistake in believing that my time for sadness was over and that the worst was over.

3 weeks ago my cousin who I grew up with, just 2 months younger than me, who is really more like a brother to me, passed away in a motorcycle accident. My big, close family is in utter shock. I think in a way we kind of saw ourselves as untouchable. Good things always happened to us, in fact it was a miracle in itself that I lived after my car accident.

I know loss so well, but the rest of them are very new to losing someone so young and so close to home. Tyler was only 24 and was a man with a heart of gold. I sometimes feel like I am required to be the strength of the family, the strength for his mom, the strength for my other cousins and siblings, and mostly the strength for his girlfriend.

I don't let myself breakdown in front of them all because I feel they need me to be strong; I sometimes feel they look to me to see how to handle all this, but my heart is broken too.

Tyler and I were "twin cousins" as they used to call us. And I feel at a loss of words and yet I know exactly what I'm feeling. I just want this sadness to be gone. I am tired of being heartbroken and sad. I miss CJ and I miss Tyler and I just want to go back to the way things used to be. I know life does not work this way. It's just that I thought I had my turn at sadness. I thought my job now was to help others cope but I feel it creeping up on me all over again.

There are some things we are just not meant to understand, I suppose.
LoisBlaylock
LoisBlaylock
so sorry for your losses,and so young too.God pulled you through the accident so you must be meant to be here.You dont have to be strong for everyone else.Go ahead and lean on them too.Sometimes it helps to grieve together.and every time you suffer a loss it stirs up other losses.Brings it all back.There are some things we'll never understand in this life.And even if we did get answers,they wouldnt be good enough.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Let them know how you are really feeling. Don't bottle it up or it will just be worse for you later. Unfortunately the longer you live the more losses you will suffer. Mine started early too and seem to keep getting hit with them, but it does make you stronger. Even though it is hell to go through, there is a lot of wisdom and strength to be gained from it all. A strong faith in God has been my best defense. Your family is lucky they have you, who has known great loss to help them somewhat, but like I said, you need to deal with your own grief too. No need to look strong all the time...show them your heartbreak.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Let them know how you are really feeling. Don't bottle it up or it will just be worse for you later. Unfortunately the longer you live the more losses you will suffer. Mine started early too and seem to keep getting hit with them, but it does make you stronger. Even though it is hell to go through, there is a lot of wisdom and strength to be gained from it all. A strong faith in God has been my best defense. Your family is lucky they have you, who has known great loss to help them somewhat, but like I said, you need to deal with your own grief too. No need to look strong all the time...show them your heartbreak.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Let them know how you are really feeling. Don't bottle it up or it will just be worse for you later. Unfortunately the longer you live the more losses you will suffer. Mine started early too and seem to keep getting hit with them, but it does make you stronger. Even though it is hell to go through, there is a lot of wisdom and strength to be gained from it all. A strong faith in God has been my best defense. Your family is lucky they have you, who has known great loss to help them somewhat, but like I said, you need to deal with your own grief too. No need to look strong all the time...show them your heartbreak.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Let them know how you are really feeling. Don't bottle it up or it will just be worse for you later. Unfortunately the longer you live the more losses you will suffer. Mine started early too and seem to keep getting hit with them, but it does make you stronger. Even though it is hell to go through, there is a lot of wisdom and strength to be gained from it all. A strong faith in God has been my best defense. Your family is lucky they have you, who has known great loss to help them somewhat, but like I said, you need to deal with your own grief too. No need to look strong all the time...show them your heartbreak.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Let them know how you are really feeling. Don't bottle it up or it will just be worse for you later. Unfortunately the longer you live the more losses you will suffer. Mine started early too and seem to keep getting hit with them, but it does make you stronger. Even though it is hell to go through, there is a lot of wisdom and strength to be gained from it all. A strong faith in God has been my best defense. Your family is lucky they have you, who has known great loss to help them somewhat, but like I said, you need to deal with your own grief too. No need to look strong all the time...show them your heartbreak.
barbarame
barbarame
I am so sorry lovie.I would encourage meditation for you, so that your loved ones can "speak " to you. Death is merely a new beginning. That said, yes, we who are left behind, DO suffer and grieve, but those who have made the transition do not. Read books about Life after Death, there are many, but I would recommend those written by Dr Elizabeth Kubler Ross. They do give insight, and you are free to take or to leave that which is written. Big, soft hugs. We are here for you
blonde5224
blonde5224
Thank you all for your kind words. I do believe I was saved for a reason and have returned to school to become a nurse because I believe my purpose is to help others in any way I can. I guess I'm just shocked by this all and yet it's all too familiar. I do meditate twice a day as a way to cope with anxiety and have found it to be quite helpful. Thank you all for sharing your own wisdom with me. I greatly appreciate it. Sometimes we need to be reminded that we are not in this alone.
koolman
koolman
So sorry you're experiencing all of this, and at such a young, tender age!

The only way to really push through this is to push through the fear of loss and embrace new love, be it in the form of a friend, a lover, or a new niece or nephew in the family.

I'm treasuring the people, new and old, who have come into my life since the passing of my brother. While no one will replace him, cultivating new and ever-deeper relationships helps fill the void, cover the hole in my heart, punctuate the blackness.