i told my case manager not to worry about me because I will spend a lot of time alone.Brad and I are having serious problems and when you are of Sicilian descent we are taught not to discuss the problems of the house with total strangers.This is the why my late grandfather raised me and when all of this happened...I told noone.All I did was cry and think.I began to think about so much.My late grandfather told me in 1983 before his death at 97..that when a parent dies..there is a terrible loneliness that not even talking can help.He told me that I have to be prepared and do all of the things that my late father taught me.On the 21st anniversayr..I went to the coffee house and I broke down and cried.I cried so much that the owner came over and he told me to sit down and read the paper.I never knew that there will going to be days like this.I just read aboutthem.I just read about some of the struggles and I hoped that it wouldnt came to me.I came home today and I was just so sick to my stomach.I just thought of the days that I had in the house when my father was living.And I began to cry again and I cried for one hour,cause Brad just doesnt understand.The other day I went to a garage sale and I noticed a box.In it were cassettes.Mine are long gone.But they had a casssette of Good Vibrations by The Beach Boys and I took it.I havent played it as yet.You see,Brad informed me that he is looking for a place of his own and he will stay here until the lease runs out.He doesnt want to be with me anymore and he told me that he will give me money for the rent for 5 months until I get a roommate.This is the downside of being Bi-Polar.I have never discussed my medication or condition with him or anyone.I dont have these moods like you see on tv and people just dont understand this.But I refuse to let this get me down..and I refuse to tell my last remaining brother.It was a very good relationship..but now it is over and I frankly am looking to being alone again.So Franks prediction of Brad has come true again and I should have listened in 2003.But I refuse to go back to New York..since everything that I have owned or cared about is gone and I refuse to live with my brother..(are you kidding) and I refuse to live with sandi.This terrible loneliness in me will never cease.My heart is just broken.But you see..I dont show it.Noone knows.Noone.My late grandfather told me this never to show emotion..unless you have to.Never.So I will cry alone later.