Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
WHen I returned from back east and the funeral of my mother,people began to react to me differently.I have noticed this particularly in the case of sudden death..but I want to comment and I will comment now.When a person who is grieving start to cry..just what gives you the right to say dont cry.things will be better? How are you to tell me that I cant cry? And just who is this person who is telling everyone to think positve.For everyones information in a study here,the professionals found out that this postive thinking does not work and it people want to cry and grieve like me..we just dont have the right to tell them to be happy.What makes a person crying so nervous to you? As of today,I am in a self imposed exile.That means I will do all of my chores and everyday stuff..but I will do it alone.I have got voice mail and I have got a p.o. box so people can reach me..but do not expect to get a reply right away.I am going to do what I had planned and will do it alone.I will continue to wear black and the crucifix that Frank gave me.I will always be plesant and such and behave in the same normal manner..but noone will see me until I work through certain issues right now and I must do this alone.I will continue to write a column or two every day.You are such a great group and I love doing this.You will get very interesting columns and very interesting stories from seattle.This is what I promise to you.I will always function.Dont worry about that.But I have to deal with Franks death and Brads rehab.I have to deal with the prospect that we may have to move again and I must deal with problems that I have dealt with all of my life and guess what? I have got no councilor in seattle to talk to.And if anyone sees me and I am alone..please do not run up to me and hug me.Please do not say to me.." I know how you feel." Do you? No,you dont.Grief is a very private thing and people deal with it differently.It was 4 years and I was never given the opportunity to grieve.In 2004..in Janaury..Brads father died..We went to his funeral which was held the first week of Jan.2 weeks later..my godfather Louie Lozzie died.He was 89 years old and in ill health.He died in a hospital back East.My brother Stanley was the one who called me.He didnt even know.Stanley doesnt get the paper anymore..he cant afford it..he reads all of his news on line,,like I do and I watch the early news here.Stanley went to Louies funeral and he was overwhelmed.Louis knew a lot of people.Then in 2004..Frank got sick.He was in the hospital 5 times..The last time for one month.When he came back to the nursing home on 8/1/2004..he told the doctor that he wanted to rest and he went to bed.And with those words..my brother died.He died with the doctor and nurse in his room.And he had a smile on his face as if..his pain was all over.Now I will begin this exile and it will be good for me.I dropped out of the choir and it will be for good..Chris the choir director has changed and it isnt for the good.And being alone now is just right for me and I do feel better about it.SO dont assume everyone who is alone is depressed.Far from it.I have got issues that must be addressed.And if anytime you do see me and I am alone..please do not try to assume that I want conversation.Cant anyone give me time to grieve and time to be alone? What have I done to have this bull crap of people offering this and that? And I will say this again..If anyone does need me..they know how to contact me and when.And I will respond..but I wish to be alone now and I do not wish to be part of this click.Vader.
Blessings and comfort to you.
You wrote:
I think people just dont know what to say sometimes, but I wanted to tell you that it could be worse. After having lost my younger brother, my job and then my mother, I was a mess. I could not stop crying. I was told, by a group of 20 something kids to shut the F*** up and stop seeking attention. I was appalled. I actually for the first time in my life, felt HATE. Obviously, these kids have never lost anything in their lives, let alone have 3 major losses in a 5-month period. It seriously pisses me off when someone who has never felt grief or depression says, get over it!. I often wonder also, why the current 20-30 year olds are so mean.
You wrote:
Please be careful with this. Keeping yourself in isolation can result in sinking deeper into the depths of darkness. I know, I did this. I didnt speak to anyone for weeks. I couldnt even get out of bed, let alone leave my house. I didnt even clean the house or EAT for that matter. Ive gotten a little better, (this was all happening since this past January), I am able to get up and out of my room, sometimes I even make an effort to do something. I am still having an issue with eating tho. I have been overweight for years, so I figured its really no harm, since I can stand to loose over 100 pounds. Well, since January, Ive lost 40 pounds, and I still have trouble with food. My husband has been very patient with me until recently. Lately, he forces me to eat, or we have a big fight if I dont. Im just saying, isolation can be a bad thing.
I just want you to know also, that you are absolutely correct when you say that no one knows how you feel. They may have gone through loss and grief, but we all deal with it differently. To this day, I still think of my brother and motherevery hour of every day. I miss them so very much. Frank, will always be on your mind. My heart goes out to you and I hope you feel this when I say, Im sending you a great big hug. DO IT YOUR WAY!!!
Hi Vader,
You wrote: When a person who is grieving start to cry..just what gives you the right to say dont cry.things will be better? How are you to tell me that I cant cry? And just who is this person who is telling everyone to think positve.
I think people just dont know what to say sometimes, but I wanted to tell you that it could be worse. After having lost my younger brother, my job and then my mother, I was a mess. I could not stop crying. I was told, by a group of 20 something kids to shut the F*** up and stop seeking attention. I was appalled. I actually for the first time in my life, felt HATE. Obviously, these kids have never lost anything in their lives, let alone have 3 major losses in a 5-month period. It seriously pisses me off when someone who has never felt grief or depression says, get over it!. I often wonder also, why the current 20-30 year olds are so mean.
You wrote: As of today,I am in a self imposed exile.That means I will do all of my chores and everyday stuff..but I will do it alone.I have got voice mail and I have got a p.o. box so people can reach me..but do not expect to get a reply right away.I am going to do what I had planned and will do it alone.
Please be careful with this. Keeping yourself in isolation can result in sinking deeper into the depths of darkness. I know, I did this. I didnt speak to anyone for weeks. I couldnt even get out of bed, let alone leave my house. I didnt even clean the house or EAT for that matter. Ive gotten a little better, (this was all happening since this past January), I am able to get up and out of my room, sometimes I even make an effort to do something. I am still having an issue with eating tho. I have been overweight for years, so I figured its really no harm, since I can stand to loose over 100 pounds. Well, since January, Ive lost 40 pounds, and I still have trouble with food. My husband has been very patient with me until recently. Lately, he forces me to eat, or we have a big fight if I dont. Im just saying, isolation can be a bad thing.
I just want you to know also, that you are absolutely correct when you say that no one knows how you feel. They may have gone through loss and grief, but we all deal with it differently. To this day, I still think of my brother and motherevery hour of every day. I miss them so very much. Frank, will always be on your mind. My heart goes out to you and I hope you feel this when I say, Im sending you a great big hug. DO IT YOUR WAY!!!
I'm sorry to say that i don't know you except for this post...but in this post i think you have hit so many things right on with how i have felt these last 7 1/2 months...my 16 yr old daughter was killed in a car accident on 2/10/08...the accident was caused by a drunk driver...
For me personally, i have gone through the roller coaster of feelings of what is a better place for her...of course the first is to be here, alive and happy...so i can watch her grow and become an even more incredible person than she already was...then there are times when i feel thankful that she is not here...only for the reason that i know she would be suffering a great deal right now because of her injuries...people have said to me that she is in a better place...i try really hard to see that they are only trying to be as supportive as they can be...maybe in the only way they know how...but there are times when i hear that and it makes me want to scream...this along with someone who has not had this type of loss and they say they understand...again i try to look for the good in their attempts of being there...and again many times i want to scream...because in my mind...if they have never lost a child...they simply can never understand...no fault of their own...they just simply don't know...
I'm really sorry for all that you have been through...and i hope you can still come here when you feel the need to...it seems like there are many who care very much about you...and who seem to have some of the same feelings as you have expressed...you will be in my thoughts...