Yes, I am going thru this. I lost my 30 yr old son on Dec 25, 2007 and am only now finding the strength to go thru his things. He was my best friend as your mom was to you. What I am trying to do is place his belongings with the people he would want to have them. He was a great beliver in recycling and shopped at Goodwill. So some of his things went there in hopes of helping someone in need. You are so right, it is no easy task. The memories flood when I go into his room. But the memories are good. I am so sorry you are going thru such pain. I will pray you find the strength to get thru. I'm here if you want to talk. love and peace, Roselle

Dear Mamaschild,
I am so sorry for your loss. And it is difficult to go through our loved ones possessions and decide what to do with everything. Do you need to do it now, if not, it's okay to wait.
When you mentioned the material, I had a thought. Why not keep pieces of all of it and have a quilt made. Like a memory quilt. I saved some of my sisters clothes and will have a baby quilt made for her daughter when she has her first child. We also saved some of her sweaters and are having teddy bears made out of them. It's so hard. Like you. I wanted to keep everything.
Would your Mother have wanted her clothes donated, maybe to a woman's shelter? I hope some of my ideas help you.
Hugs to you

My mother recently asked me...maybe since...I am taking losing daddy so hard...what I'd like for her to do with daddys clothing...I told her many times about the clients that I use to work with in group homes....hw many had NO ONE...and that they so needed clothing...so..I told her..when she's ready...box them up and I know that they will be put to a good cause....one that my daddy also supported...we have 2 special needs in our family.my son...and my youngest brother....so that is where I found my peace with his clothing being given away...his other items...fishing poles , tackle, work shope things..well...whenever moms ready.she can decide whm gets what...one good thing about my family is...NOBODYS ASKING FOR ANYTHING!!!! We are all ok with whenever.if ever...mom is ready..and we get what we get and are gonna treasure anything we get...no need to argue nor fight...we all loved daddy...he is always gonna live in our hearts..what more..of a personal item..can one ask for than that????

I know how hard that is to go thru your loved one's possessions as my mom had died June 14,2010.
My mom had lived in an apartment so I had a month to decide what I was going to do with her stuff. Since she was smaller in size than me I donated all of her clothes to a thrift store, and also alot of other stuff. I gave away some of her furniture, sold some of it, and kept some of it.
My mom made quilts so she had alot of material around, so I gave it to her neighbor in the apartment as she also makes quilts.
I still have a little box of stuff that needs to be put away but I can't seem to get myself to do it. I just keep moving the box around but not doing anything with it. I think in my mind I feel that when the box is empty everything will be FINAL. This is my way of holding onto her but not emptying the last box.
Know that you aren't alone in your feelings and how hard it is to be going thru all of this.
Linda aka Sassylady57

so sorry about your loss,when my daughter passed they wanted to give me everything Her husband came running to me down their stairs with her wedding dress and train in his arms and said hear I know you want this,I cried as I thought he would want to keep it bit longer,and everything else from her nighties to her boots ,I know he must havew thought it would help me to have her things since her felt guilty for her loss(was not his fault,accidental overdose scripts) but I think he should have kept her stuff longer,and now I am haveing a hard time getting rid of the STUFF,we all have to go through it but I sugguset you dont rush unless theres a reason you must clear the house,some say a year but you will know when the time is right ,but keep what is close to your heart ,and the quilt was a great idea.
Huggs to you ,Laurie

I feel your pain, yes- been through, and still dealing with this...parting with my wife's belongings was very hard for me (she passed away 9 weeks ago)..her walk in closet was full of designer clothes and shoes (shoes were still in original boxes)..but the harder part was going in there and seeing everything as if she were still here. So...

A friend of our came to the house, and packed it all up for me- with the exception of a few articles that I felt I needed to keep. The rest of her belongings..purses, shoes, and clothes were donated to a battered woman's shelter in PA. This brings me comfort in knowing that her belongings might be appreciated and help others in need. It took me a couple of weeks to start moving my things into "her closet"..

Find a friend to help you do it...and you only have to watch or help if you want. I could not pack anything, but I helped load it into the car.....Dana

Oh boy. I am right there with you. I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my Mom too; in 2008. She has lived in that house over 40 years. Its where I grew up. And you like your Mom, she was old school. She loved to sew, garden, do crafts, cook, etc. And every hoby has its requisite tools ans supplies. I've have dealt with perhaps 15% of it so far. I will be renting the house to a friend soon so need to get to the rest of it. Like the others said, a quilt is a good idea for the clothes, or a women's shelter (thanks, I'm going to look into that myself). How about a heavy blanket quilt out of the coats? And she had 4 sewing machines! I'm actually keeping the nicest one and selling the others. I'm a guy so I'll have a nice machine to sew up my ripped jeans :-) And boxes of remnants maybe go to a quilting club that quilts for charity. She was also into canning so Freecycle for the mason jars and stuff. Have you heard of Freecycle? Google it; its great. But I hear you. You have so much stuff its overwhelming. The experts on this subject say to divide things into 4 groups: keep, sell, donate, trash. The trick is that if you are doubt about an item, keep it; but then when you're all done, repeat the whole process. In this way you whittle away at it. Also, I agree with others to take it slowly if you have that option. Some people have to fly in and do this in a few days so they can get the house up for sale, and they have jobs to get back to. I do not envy them who have to make all these decisions so fast. Anyway take your time.

It's Mother's Day, and I came here to find your kind replies - many containing not only great suggestions but some I'd considered. From the early months after her passing, I wanted to take old buttons from certain clothes, which I have photos of Mama in - and make a "shadow box" frame with the photos / buttons / fabric in them. Never did it but still wanting to.

In reply to some suggestions about wearing her clothes - I do:
I found it VERY strange that in Mama's last few months, she just blurted out one day, "Wear my clothes." This from someone who my family kept saying, "She has DEMENTIA !" -- But Mama KNEW what she was saying, and probably advising me not to waste but rather bequeath those "originals". Sadly, we were not exactly the same size, so I've only been able to wear coats and some skirts. Hats too small. Yes, she made her own hats, too, but they are so much the essence of my Mom - I can't part with them. I did throw out two handbags - both ratty - but one so bad that I tried getting Mama to toss it years before. Afterwards, I regretted it - again, it was her essence.

I've lived here since I was six months old - my whole life - and I won't tell you how long that is. And you all know the difficulties involved. But I will work at moving forward - if ever so slowly - and on this Mother's Day, I pray for you all, too. Thanks and God Bless.

I cant imagine having to sort through the piles of "stuff"that remains.. I only know , that once someone is gone, their possesions, although they hold such strong memories, cant bring them back..
Why allow these things, that meant so much to them in life, and captured who they were, to sit ,and decay; collect dust.. Why not allow their legacy to be carried on, and donate parts of it, to a good cause?

I went through a similar situaton, after the girls were killed. It had been over a year, and their family who came to me and had formed a close friendship, had piles and piles, of baby clothing, two of everything- cribs, baby strollers, un-used clothing, car seats, un opened toys, you name it. The family simply did not want to part with it; or give ANY of it away , even though I currently worked for a childrens hosptial who despratly was seeking those types of items. I encouraged them to at least, consider, donating a small portion of them, to allow their legacy to live on; and to place the rest in a proected place.. where it would not collect dust or mold and be ruined. They did not listen, and within less than a few months, everything; including photos, were covered in mold, and were destroyed. No one was ever able to enjoy the items they left behind or the things, that they felt embodied them.
Like the gift of an organ donation; being able to give items that a family member treasured, even if to another family member, is an incredible gift. It allows their spirit and life to live on.
Please consider sharing the gift of your mom others, so her legacy can live on..
The local hosptials, have sewing ciricles for example; who make quilts for every Pre-mature baby and sick infant born. They often are looking for fabric samples or sewing supplies, thread, needles, ect. They also sew hats and booties for the babies.
Many places have pick-up centers for clothing, or battered womens shelters. Mental health centers also despratly seek clothing and tolietries.. unopened items

my mom had ALOT of things when she passed on she was also a crafty person and a sewer i couldnt hang onto all of it at the time so i found a local senior center that used the yarn and fabrics and some of the other crafting things to disperse for people for their hobbies it made me feel better that someone who liked to do things she liked to do was using it

My nephew just past 5 days ago. He was 28 and a musician. He has alot of nice equipment. Some of the family are musicians as well as his many friends who he was in bands with, all are waiting to pick out what they want. I keep trying to tell them it is way too soon to take anything from my sister who has lost her only child. It may take months, years for her to even want to have anyone touch anything. I am trying to be there for her through this tramatic period. I cannot imagine losing your only child, no matter what age. When the time comes and she is ready than she will do what feels right to her.

After my mom died, my dad remarried and my stepmom made me take anything of my mom's I wanted to keep. So I ended up with five big plastic tote boxes full of stuff in my dorm room and everything else is pretty much gone. So, I understand how important it is to keep everything, since I couldn't.

One thing I wish I could do is find a way to display things. I have a small one-bedroom apartment, and my mom had some great collectibles and antiques and it's packed away in boxes.

I agree that a quilt would be a great way that you could keep the fabric and see it every day, rather than packing it away in boxes.

Last year, I did finally start going through the boxes and got rid of some stuff - some bad records from the 1970 that I didn't want to lug to my new place. But it took me about 10 years to finally do that.

I boxed up everything my son owned, made or read, pretty much everything and put it all in the attic. I still have everything, but at least I don't have the daily visual reminders to bring up the painful memories. It's been almost 4 years since my 12 year old son passed away and I still have great memories to review in my head every day. My daughter is turning 14 tomorrow; she is the best and I look forward to steering her in the right direction through her life.

If I find any other items from my son, I do keep them handy for the next time I'm up in the attic. I look forward to a time in the future when I can go through his things and reminisce about him and his wonderful but short life. Hugs and peace to all...Scott

My daughter came out one evening a couple months after her dad passed and to me the neighbors of a friend of hers had had a fire and lost everything. At least one of the guys was close to bob's size so I went through the closet and gave her all the better t-shirts he had and the jeans that didn't have holes in them. I figured it was better for someone who really needs these things to have them than for them to hang in the closet not being used. Next week I'm on vacation so I think I will get the rest of the shirts and jeans that are not usable bagged up and thrown away. I think it means that I've accepted the fact the he won't ever come home,I think it's a move forward. I hope it is anyway.

mom had spent the last five years of her life in a nursing home. While she was there, I often bought her second hand designer clothing at a thrift store. I had her looking beautiful! And we both got a big kick out of our secret.

Anyway, the memories make it hard for me to let it all go. But it's taking up too much space in my basement.

I had bought a large decorated box, and put some personal items in there to keep. But, I think by going back to those "things, memories" just reattaches me to her again. I am trying to "detach".

My youngest sister died suddenly in 1979. I still have an article of clothing that I am so glad I kept.
I think I will keep her/my favorite dress, and send the rest to a thrift shop.

She sure loved it when I found great deals! She looked so cute...like the cat who swallowed the mouse!

Sorry for rambling. I needed to tonight.