Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
my boyfriend Brad committed suicide on May 22nd,2009.I found his body and it wasnt pleasant.All I can say here is that it was very bloody.And in a way,I blame myself.I wish I could have been there for him more often.And I do regret it now.I regret now hugging him.I regret now going to the store and i regret not feeding the cat on time.I regret all of these things.On the night of Brads suicide...it was terrible.He was higher then a kite and i asked him this.."why are you treating me like this.?" And he looked at me and said "I love you." And then he got real nasty.I did not pick his depression up..he was drinking heavily for almost two weeks.He started on mothers day of that Month.I think that Brad hated his mothe and he blamed her for all of his problems.That is not so.Brads mother and father had Brad late in life.And this just wasnt done back then.I can imagine all of the teasing and whispers that she must have gone thru.When Brad was born,his sister was almost 30 years old and his brothere 25.And they were on their own.As a babyh,.Brad cried a lot and This is what concerned his mother.He wanted so much attention and i could not give this to him.Since his parents are both dead,I will tell everyone what happened.Brad entered freshman year and in that time,there was a great deal of underage drinking.It was so popular back then.All of Brads friends in middle school were drinking and they were
getting high.Brad would go to this persons house and drink and get drunk at 14.And noone stopped him.Noone cared back then.Now where Brads parents found out...they did not punish him at all.They did not know who to cope with this because his sister was also having a problem with alcohol and drugs.Brads parents told him that he could drink in the home and Brad would drink at home with his parents.He told me that the worst arguements started,.It was always over drinking.Brad grew up in the Me Decade and his parents could not cope with this decade either.The Me Decade tried and some of them are trying to be parents now and some of them have failed.But there were no rules back then and there was no help for the parents of the Me Decade.Brad was drinking heavily.And I mean heavily.What kind of parents let their teenaged sons drink in the home? Then something happened.His father stopped.He did not got to AA neither did his mother.They just stopped and then Brads father retired and got transferred to Washington where Brads problems began to allerate over his drinking and I believe if there was help available back in the 1970s,Brad would be alive.And it is my fault I did not help him.I tried to get him into rehab.Brad entered 12 rehabs.And I mean he tried.He went to 12 and these rehabs could not help him.Brad went into the construction business and made good money,but he was always depressed and finding fault with people on the jobs and was always quitting.I had my hands full.And when I found my Brad....And I saw the bloody sight...I screamed.I screamed.And then I began to cry.Brad was nearly dead when I found him.I held him for 10 minutes.Blood was all over me and then I kissed him goodbye.I couldnt turn him over.The body was getting stiff.And at 5 0 clock on May 22nd,2009......BRAD DIED IN MY ARMS AND I WILL NEVER FORGET HIM.I STILL LOVE BRAD AND I FORGIVE HIM AND I WISH HE WAS HERE BECAUSE THE PAIN OF THIS SUICIDE WILL NEVER GO AWAY.AND I TOLD MY THERAPIST...I WILL NEVER GET OVER THIS AND I JUST WONT.HE WAS ALL I HAD AND HE WAS DESTROYED BY ALCOHOL AND A DRUG CALLED METH AND THE PAIN I AM IN NOW I CANNOT DESCRIBE.GOODBYE MY DARLING,I LOVE YOU AND I ALWAYS WILL.VADER..
getting high.Brad would go to this persons house and drink and get drunk at 14.And noone stopped him.Noone cared back then.Now where Brads parents found out...they did not punish him at all.They did not know who to cope with this because his sister was also having a problem with alcohol and drugs.Brads parents told him that he could drink in the home and Brad would drink at home with his parents.He told me that the worst arguements started,.It was always over drinking.Brad grew up in the Me Decade and his parents could not cope with this decade either.The Me Decade tried and some of them are trying to be parents now and some of them have failed.But there were no rules back then and there was no help for the parents of the Me Decade.Brad was drinking heavily.And I mean heavily.What kind of parents let their teenaged sons drink in the home? Then something happened.His father stopped.He did not got to AA neither did his mother.They just stopped and then Brads father retired and got transferred to Washington where Brads problems began to allerate over his drinking and I believe if there was help available back in the 1970s,Brad would be alive.And it is my fault I did not help him.I tried to get him into rehab.Brad entered 12 rehabs.And I mean he tried.He went to 12 and these rehabs could not help him.Brad went into the construction business and made good money,but he was always depressed and finding fault with people on the jobs and was always quitting.I had my hands full.And when I found my Brad....And I saw the bloody sight...I screamed.I screamed.And then I began to cry.Brad was nearly dead when I found him.I held him for 10 minutes.Blood was all over me and then I kissed him goodbye.I couldnt turn him over.The body was getting stiff.And at 5 0 clock on May 22nd,2009......BRAD DIED IN MY ARMS AND I WILL NEVER FORGET HIM.I STILL LOVE BRAD AND I FORGIVE HIM AND I WISH HE WAS HERE BECAUSE THE PAIN OF THIS SUICIDE WILL NEVER GO AWAY.AND I TOLD MY THERAPIST...I WILL NEVER GET OVER THIS AND I JUST WONT.HE WAS ALL I HAD AND HE WAS DESTROYED BY ALCOHOL AND A DRUG CALLED METH AND THE PAIN I AM IN NOW I CANNOT DESCRIBE.GOODBYE MY DARLING,I LOVE YOU AND I ALWAYS WILL.VADER..
-
I need some plot development ideas for a book I'm writing. Here's the lead in:------@1630 she texted me, asking for gas money. "Are u at work? I have to work in a couple hours I don't have any gas barely I was wondering if u had 20$ by chance haven't been able to get any massages in I'm sorry to ask was just seeing"She agreed to meet me at the townhouse @1730. I asked her to call me before...
Sorry for the pain and guilt that you feel because of Brad.
I too felt a lot of guilt from the passing of my daughter and others I have talked to have felt guilt in their situations also. This seems to be normal.
The way I dealt with it that helped some was to think if you had to do it all over again would you do things differently?? I know I would and that makes all the difference and Brad knows you would also and he is forgiving of this. Don't be too hard on yourself, you did what you thought best up to when you found Brad based on what you knew at the time.
I pray that you will learn to forgive yourself and start to heal so the pain is not so unbearable.
Prayers,
Tim (Jenae's Dad)
http://myangeljenae.com
Your only fault was in choosing to love an addict. Take care of yourself. Please, do not throw your life away for someone who did not know how to live.
I feel your pain so clear. My dear husband did the same thing 16 days ago. I am struggling every day with the whys, ifs, and should haves. I too found my husband and have a memory that is to painful to talk about. Nights and the darkness are horrible for me. My husband had everything to live for and it is so hard for me to understand. I admire you for your strength and ability to go on. I cry every day and ask myself why. At times I don't know how I am going to go on. My dreams, hopes, and love are gone. I so understand your pain. I can't eat, sleep very little, and don't want to go out. "Why, Why, Why,"???? I feel like my life is over. I'm so sorry for your loss. There is nothing I can say to help you other than to tell you I so feel your pain. I just tell myself that the pain I would see in my husbands face every day is now gone and he is at peace. Some how that doesn't help my pain but I need to believe in God to get me through this and believe in peace here after or I can't go on. I pray both our hearts will heal.
you did everything possible to help this poor soul who was so lost that it consumed his every being you did not hurt him you cared for him like a child who needed guidance and care which you gave him. release yourself from the guilt that consumes you and know that you gave him your love more than anyone was willing to give him I speak out of experience I lived with someone who was on the same path as your brad and endured many heartaches and pain i know what this disease can do to those who have it and to those who love the person who has it. I suffered for 10years patiently and was able to guide him in another direction but sometimes we are not always successful your efforts were not in vain believe me I know it seems to you to be a defeat on your part but it is not you gave him more than he ever had in his life and you will be rewarded for you valiant effort. He no longer suffering he choose to be released from his pain he did not you it was not your decision but his alone sometimes we cannot walk in someone shoes and know their pain we do all that we can for Love. He died knowing your love and that no one can take away.